11 WAYS FATHERS CAN POSITIVELY INFLUENCE THEIR KIDS
I have seen two sets of fathers as I live in this world. Some will give up everything for the well-being of their families. While some do not seem enlightened enough on their unique roles as dads. The sad thing is, believe it or not, the enemy likes to attack dads.
This is because dads have a unique mandate to lead their wives and their homes (Eph. 5:23). If he can successfully attack the leader or make him complacent, then the followers become easy targets. It’s no surprise that biblical men like Noah, Abraham, Elkanah and you name them were chosen so they would lead their homes and offspring after them (Gen. 6:9,18; Gen. 18:19; 1 Sam. 1:3). These men laid an imprint on the hearts of their wives, sons and daughters, and history is forever grateful to them.
So are you a father? You may be or may not be one yet. Maybe you are a spiritual father to many sons and daughters, just like Paul (1 Tim. 1:2). Have you ever asked yourself: What kind of father do I want to be? What kind of influence do I want to have? How can I positively influence my family, especially the children God has placed in my care? Remember that you have a Father you must account to one day (Matt. 18:6; Rom. 14:12). If these are your concerns, I pray you find light in this piece. Do read on!
Ways Fathers Can Positively Influence Their Kids
1. Know and show your kids the Way to the Father
Everyone and everything on Earth first finds its purpose in God (Acts 17:28). Your purpose and fulfillment as an earthly father are first found in your Heavenly Father. When you know Him and walk with Him, His Spirit in you guides you to model His perfect example so you can become a father according to His design (Ps. 32:8; Isa. 30:21). But it does not end there. If you know Him but keep Him to yourself, then He will not be pleased with you.
He chose fathers like Abraham because He knew they would lead their offspring to know and walk with Him (Gen. 18:19). This is His first and greatest desire for you as a father. The best way you can influence your kids positively is by showing them the Way to the Father, and holding their hands as they learn to walk with Him (Deut. 4:9; 11:18-19). When they know Him and walk with Him, then many of your troubles will be lessened because they are His children too, and He will take care of them alongside you (Prov. 22:6).
2. Be their first role model of a godly character
Can your kids look at you and see Jesus? When you know God, it should reflect in your actions (1 Jn. 2:3). Believe me, you can tell your kids the right thing to do, but they will never do it if you act differently. Yes, they may, when you are present and can punish them. But it will never be a value that is entrenched in the core of their soul. However, when you walk the talk, you teach your kids unconsciously to do the same. And oh, how blessed they will be (Prov. 20:7).
When you go on your knees and pray. When you apologize when you are wrong. When you sing your wife’s praises. When you do not lie to get what you want. When your kids see you staying up all night for that project. When you come back home on time and spend quality time with them. When your wife truly adores you and not out of pretense, then your kids will observe, learn from you, and imitate you (1 Cor. 11:1). Boom! They have been influenced.
3. Be present
In our hustle culture, it’s becoming a thing of pride to stay away from home in the name of work. Of course, there are sometimes credible reasons for this, but can that be said at all times? The reason we have many problems beyond our control in society is that we have more absent parents. And yes, more specifically, more absent dads.
Those times you spend with your kids building Legos, watching their favorite cartoon, building the birdhouse, and talking about school create memories that are etched on their minds for ages. You may never know the impact it creates on them. Does this mean that you should give up your work so you can accommodate your kids? No. Though I know people who have, but it came from a place of sound judgment. Otherwise, you can always find ways around it. Find ways to make up for lost time (Eph. 5:15-16). That’s one of the greatest ways to connect and leave a lasting imprint.
4. Be loving, open, and honest
Okay, I get it. Men are not meant to have emotions – including fathers. But where on Earth did we get that opinion from? I have no idea. Have you realized that many girls now find ‘love’ in the arms of some loose ‘niggas’ because they are lacking love at home? They have no dads who hold them close and whisper love to them. They have no dads who tell them what men want and how the ‘evil’ ones can use them to get what they want.
They never get to share defining moments in their lives with their dads, so in desperation for love and security, they run into selfish men who would only exploit them. It’s not just for the girls, though. Young boys also need dads who have deep conversations with them, share real man-talk, and with whom they can get to be themselves. The world is not smiling out there, and that’s why you have to be even more intentional as a dad. Get that?
5. Encourage and affirm your kids
I once heard of a young boy who lost his wonder for life because his father had told him nasty words. He was not willing to try because his father, the first one who should have believed in him, thought him to be a shame to his lineage. You needed to see that same boy’s eyes spark with wonder when his father told him he believed he could do something worthwhile.
See, as a father, you have a unique role. Your children, especially your sons, look up to you. They see you as the perfect example of what it means to be a man. Your constant disapproval of them only serves to weaken them further. It creates a lack of self-worth and esteem in them. But encouraging and affirming words, hugs, punches, and pats on the back, do the miracle you can only but imagine (Prov. 15:23).
6. Discipline in Love
Yes, you cannot afford to neglect this one. The Bible tells us that our Heavenly Father disciplines those whom He loves just as you should do to your son because you cherish him (Heb. 12:5-6). Only a cruel father will see his child going the way of error, and will still hold still because he does not care (Prov. 19:18). As a father, you should love your kids enough to discipline them (Prov. 13:24). This is not a call to spite your kids because you believe they have no choice but to listen to you (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21). Or leave them to themselves because of complacency or fear of abandonment.
Rather, be kind to your kids. Set clear boundaries and lovingly tell them the rewards and consequences for their actions and inactions. After disciplining them, you should make room for a conversation and let them in on the reason why you acted the way you did. They should always know that it’s from a standpoint of love, not cruelty or abuse. This is the way to influence them for generations to come (Prov. 29:17).
7. Love and treat their mother well
Some young girls are averse to physical touch or messages proclaiming love from suitors even when these are genuine. If you trace it closely, it is often rooted in some sort of abuse. Which is often rooted in action or inaction by their dads. If, as a father, you abuse your wife, treat her like a trash can, and show no honor for her, you may end up raising men just like you.
But it’s not just that. You will also raise women who are bitter, critical, and who cannot give or receive love. You don’t want that, do you? You want to raise men and women who understand and respect the opposite sex enough to live peaceably with them. So, if you have been treating your wife in an unworthy manner, it is not too late to change. God desires you to be a loving husband and father (Eph. 5:28, Col. 3:19). It can still get better. Our God is a God of restoration (Joel 2:25). Will you commit to this today?
8. Provide for the Family
While in recent times, a couple can agree on who provides the resources in the family due to certain reasons, the emphasis should always be that it is agreed upon by both parties involved. Not that one is negligent or taking undue advantage of the other. In more cultural settings, the dad provides for the home. In doing this as a father, you teach your kids responsibility (Eph. 4:28; 2 Thess. 3:11-12). Your boys learn what it means to take care of and provide for the needs of the home.
This is important so that they do not grow up to be men who are irresponsible and expect their wives to take care of their homes even when they have the resources to. The Bible says that if you cannot provide for your household, you have denied the faith (1 Tim. 5:8). That’s gruesome. So, choose today to set an example by being a dependable provider in your home. It always pays off.
9. Protect the Family
As a father and as a man, God gave you strength for a reason. He ordained you to be the protector of your home, just as He, as a Father, protects each one of us, His children (Ps. 91:14). Protection is not only physical protection, though that is important. As a father, you should also protect your kids from negative influences from the media, the internet, books, organizations, and the like. This way you can influence them by safeguarding them from the influences of bad people.
Again, there are relatives, friends, and people who can abuse your kids. Your role is to protect them. You should be present and open with them, so they can feel safe to share such things with you. Then you can know what action to take as God guides you. It’s possible to protect your kids. Yes, because you have the backing of the God of Angel Armies.
10. Support their dreams
Although this was spoken about a little in the point of encouraging and affirming your kids, I feel that this is necessary. Some fathers kill their children’s dreams, force them to live their own dreams, or derail them from living out God’s will. This is wrong. It has no positive influence.
For example, say your boy tells you he wants to become a chef, you are not to laugh it off and deride him or tell him to “man up.” It’s true you may have a better perspective, but there’s always a better way to pass the message across. And who knows if that is what God has destined him to be? Again, this reinforces the importance of being present as a dad and having open ears to the Spirit of God. The more you know your son, the better you can understand him – and your daughters, too.
11. Be the Servant
Dads are born leaders. But great leaders should be servants too (Matt. 20:26-28). That’s what our Father teaches us. It’s easy to feel daunted by all the responsibilities that you have as a dad, and feel that the responsibilities are weighing down your shoulders. But there should always be a place of openness and vulnerability. You should be humble enough to listen to the opinions of members of your home (including your kids), and to learn, though you are the head.
Let your kids not see you as some distant superhuman, but as someone who is fully human. Let them see you as one who makes mistakes but who also trusts God to lead and love like Christ. Let them see you as one who admits his struggles with wisdom and asks for help when necessary. Let them see you as one who has godly men that you can be accountable to. This is one of the best ways to be a dad who influences his kids and family positively.
To end this, are you a dad? Do you intend to become one soon? Trust God to be an intentional father. Are you one already? Keep right on track. And what’s better? You need not fret. He who has begun the work in you will surely complete it (Phil. 1:6). You have a Father who truly cares for you (1 Pet. 5:7). Lean on Him and find the courage and strength you need. Today, like Joshua, choose to declare:
‘…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”’ – Joshua 24:15
To dads and more, May the Lord be your strength.
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