6 Practical Steps to Let Go of Your Ex When in a Serious Relationship
Introduction
In a relationship, love and emotions walk hand-in-hand. Women, especially, are moved by this and oftentimes, they tend to devote a lot to a relationship they find themselves in. I have seen friends struggling to let go of the thought of their ex, this is not only peculiar to single women; it affects the married as well. More so, it’s not gender-based; men also go through the same and this happens when both have fallen deeply in love but eventually find out they aren’t compatible in certain ways and wouldn’t like to go ahead. Letting go of an ex-partner can be one of the most emotionally challenging experiences in life.
The heart is naturally wired for connection, and when bonds are deeply formed — whether through long-term dating, emotional intimacy, or sexual involvement — they don’t simply disappear when a relationship ends. Unfortunately, many people carry emotional attachments to past lovers into new relationships or even into marriage. This deep connection often causes confusion, emotional instability, and unnecessary tension with one’s current partner.
When someone enters a serious, godly relationship or marriage, it’s expected that the past is left behind. Yet, this is not always easy. Thoughts, memories, comparisons, and even secret communication with an ex can continue long after the breakup. For believers especially, this struggle can interfere with spiritual growth, damage trust in a new relationship, and open the door to temptation.
In this article, I’ll walk you through six practical and spiritual steps to help you let go of your ex once you’re in a committed relationship or marriage.
1. Accept That the Relationship is Over
2. Break Emotional and Spiritual Ties (Soul Ties)
3. Cutoff Unnecessary Communication and Connections
4. Renew Your Mind Daily with God’s Word
5. Focus on Building and Investing in your Current Relationship
6. Invite God Into the Healing Process and be Patient with Yourself
1. Accept That the Relationship Is Over
Accept it? Yes, you have to! The first and most important step is accepting reality. Whether the breakup was mutual, forced, or unexpected, it’s essential to acknowledge that the relationship has ended. Holding on to the “what ifs,” reliving old memories, or secretly hoping for reconciliation — especially when you’re in a new relationship or married — is harmful and spiritually dangerous. Acceptance is not denial of pain; it’s the beginning of healing. God cannot bless the future you keep rejecting by clinging to the past. The Bible tells us to forget the things of the past because God is set to do something new (Isaiah 43:18-19).
Until you fully accept that your ex is no longer part of God’s plan for your future, you will remain emotionally trapped. The new relationship God has placed before you cannot thrive if you’re still emotionally living in yesterday.
2. Break Emotional and Spiritual Ties (Soul Ties)
Soul ties are deep, emotional, and sometimes spiritual bonds formed through intimacy, consistent communication, or strong attachment. They can be positive or negative. If you were sexually involved with your ex, or emotionally invested over a long period, chances are, a soul tie was formed. These ties can linger and affect your ability to connect with your current partner. You might find yourself constantly comparing, dreaming about the ex, or feeling guilty for moving on. But God desires emotional freedom for you. Break these soul ties through prayer, repentance, and spiritual warfare.
The word of God tells us to flee all forms of immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-19). Ask God to sever any lingering emotional, spiritual, or physical ties between you and your ex. Replace those spaces with His love and truth. Declare freedom over your mind and body in the name of Jesus.
3. Cut Off Unnecessary Communication and Connections
I often laugh when people say they still communicate with their Ex and are still best of friends. You cannot fully heal from someone you are still talking to regularly. Even if the communication seems “harmless” — checking in, liking posts, commenting, or casual greetings — they can keep emotional wounds open and cause tension in your current relationship. Boundaries must be firm. Unless you share children or a legal tie with your ex, there’s no reason for consistent communication. If you are married or in a serious relationship, it becomes a matter of honour and trust. There is no doubt that bad company corrupts good character, as we can see in the scripture and reality (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Holding on to your ex’s number, photos, or social media connections can stir up old feelings or tempt you in moments of weakness. Delete, unfollow, and block if necessary. This is not an act of hatred but one of wisdom. Guard your heart, your peace, and your future.
4. Renew Your Mind Daily Through God’s Word
God’s word is powerful and strong. Even after cutting off communication, your mind may still wander back to the past. Memories, dreams, and comparisons may still pop up uninvited. This is where renewing your mind through the Word of God becomes essential. Replace every lie, fantasy, or emotional residue with Scripture. Don’t allow your thoughts to linger on what could have been. Instead, focus on what God has said and what He’s doing in your life now. The Bible tells us not to conform to the pattern of this world but our minds should be renewed (Romans 12:2)!
Feed your spirit with God’s truth daily. Meditate on Scriptures about identity, purpose, and the sanctity of marriage. Journal your prayers. Keep your heart and mind occupied with spiritual nourishment, not emotional nostalgia.
5. Focus on Building and Investing in Your Current Relationship
One major reason people struggle to let go of an ex is that they’re not fully present in their current relationship. When you neglect what God is doing now, your mind naturally drifts back to what you had before. This opens the door to discontentment, dissatisfaction, and division. Instead of comparing, start building. Celebrate the uniqueness of your current partner. Spend time intentionally deepening your connection. Pray together, plan together, and support each other emotionally and spiritually. The word of God encourages devotion to whatever we choose to do (Ecclesiastes 9:10).
When you put effort into something, it begins to grow. Your heart follows your investment. The more you water the relationship you’re in, the less interest you’ll have in the one that failed. Invest in your present, and you’ll see the fruit God intended.
6. Invite God into the Healing Process and Be Patient with Yourself
Healing from a past relationship doesn’t always happen instantly. While obedience to God demands that you detach from your ex, the emotional healing may take time. That’s okay. Invite God into your process, and trust that He is working in you daily. Don’t be too hard on yourself if a memory creeps up, or if you occasionally feel weak. The goal is not perfection but surrender. Let God fill every broken piece with His love and restore your wholeness. God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 146:3).
Surround yourself with godly friends, mentors, or counsellors who will speak truth to you. Don’t isolate yourself. Healing is possible when you walk with God honestly and intentionally. He is more committed to your freedom than you are.
Conclusion
Letting go of your ex when you’re in a serious relationship or marriage is not only a sign of emotional maturity, it’s an act of obedience to God. You cannot walk in the fullness of the future God has for you while holding hands with the past. That emotional space belongs to the one you are building a life with now, and ultimately, to God.
The past may have been meaningful, but it was never meant to become a prison. You are not bound to your ex emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. Through Christ, you are free to love again — fully, freely, and faithfully.
It’s time to close the door completely and walk boldly into your God-ordained presence. Let go. Let God heal. And embrace the blessing of a new beginning. I see God helping you as you trust Him to direct your path in Jesus’ name.
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