7 Dangers of Lack of Intimacy in Marriage
Introduction
A few months to my wedding some years ago, I made a choice to read books on intimacy written by several Christian authors. I have heard of marriages that collapsed on the basis of a lack of intimacy, and I decided I wouldn’t experience the same. I asked questions to individuals, really eager to know why a lack of intimacy would make some marriages collapse within a year or two. It amazes me! Marriage on its own, comes with lots of sacrifices. Marriage was designed by God to be a covenant of love, companionship, and closeness between a man and a woman. It’s not just about living under the same roof or sharing responsibilities—marriage is about a deep connection, emotional safety, and intimacy.
When intimacy is lacking in a marriage—whether emotional, spiritual, or physical—the relationship begins to suffer in ways that aren’t always obvious at first. Some couples might stay busy with life and not even realize how far apart they’ve drifted until things feel cold or distant.
As Christians, we need to pay close attention to this bond that glues us together with our spouses. Therefore, in this article, we will explore seven real dangers of a lack of intimacy in marriage—and what God’s Word says about it.
1. Emotional Distance Creeps In
2. Increased Risk of Infidelity
3. Lack of Joy and Fulfillment
4. Frequent Misunderstandings and Conflicts
5. Emotional and Spiritual Vulnerability
6. Damage to Self-Esteem and Identity
7. Weakened Bond and Risk of Separation
1. Emotional Distance Creeps In
Every human on earth is an emotional being, and we can not put aside our emotions. When intimacy is lacking, emotional distance often takes its place. A husband and wife might start off being best friends, talking about everything, laughing together, and comforting one another. But when intimacy fades, silence takes over. Conversations become shallow. The heart no longer feels safe sharing its deepest thoughts.
God never intended for spouses to be emotionally disconnected. The Bible says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). Emotional separation is a silent divider in marriage—it may not cause a loud crash, but it slowly breaks things apart. If you as couples, do not intentionally rebuild closeness, you may begin to feel like strangers living in the same house. And that kind of loneliness hurts more than being alone.
2. Increased Risk of Infidelity
Yes! When you choose to be unavailable to your spouse, you may open the door to infidelity unknowingly. Lack of intimacy, especially physical and emotional intimacy, can make a spouse vulnerable to temptation. While this is never an excuse for sin, unmet needs in a marriage can open doors the enemy wants to exploit.
When one or both partners feel rejected, unwanted, or emotionally starved, the heart can begin to wander. The danger isn’t always in jumping straight into infidelity—it can start with casual flirting, emotional connections outside the marriage, or seeking comfort elsewhere. The Bible warns us to guard our hearts: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). When you give room for intimacy as couples, you protect each other’s hearts. But when you ignore it, you unknowingly leave each other exposed.
3. Lack of Joy and Fulfillment
What is marriage without joy and fulfillment? Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. God intended marriage to be enjoyed. Yes, there will be responsibilities, children, bills, and challenges—but there should also be joy, laughter, and closeness. A lack of intimacy sucks the joy out of marriage, making it feel more like a duty than a delight.
The Bible says, “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Marriage was never meant to feel like a burden. But without intimacy, many couples stop enjoying each other. Fun disappears. Romance dries up. Even their spiritual life may feel heavy. Intimacy keeps the spark alive. It helps couples enjoy each other’s presence again—not just tolerate it.
4. Frequent Misunderstandings and Conflicts
When you see couples who fight often, check how intimate they are. A lack of intimacy often leads to poor communication. When couples stop sharing their hearts, it becomes easy to assume, misunderstand, or misinterpret each other’s words and actions. Little issues can become big problems simply because there’s no safe space to talk honestly and lovingly. The word of God says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). That’s easier to do when there’s intimacy—when the relationship is warm and connected. But when that bond is missing, every disagreement feels personal. Every silence feels suspicious. Every word can be taken the wrong way.
Couples that nurture intimacy often find that even their arguments are more respectful and short-lived because love creates space for grace.
5. Emotional and Spiritual Vulnerability
When you’re not connected intimately with your spouse, it becomes easier to get weary, discouraged, or even spiritually dry. God uses marriage to strengthen us—emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. When that connection is weak, both partners may feel unsupported. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Intimacy allows you to lean on each other, pray for one another, and carry one another’s burdens. But when it’s absent, you may begin to carry everything alone—and that’s not how God designed marriage.
The enemy often attacks couples who are already disconnected because isolation makes it easier to fall. That’s why building intimacy isn’t just about romance—it’s about spiritual survival.
6. Damage to Self-Esteem and Identity
When intimacy fades, one or both spouses may start to question their worth, attractiveness, or value in the relationship. A wife may wonder, “Am I not beautiful to him anymore?” A husband may think, “Does she even admire me?” These questions quietly chip away at a person’s self-esteem. The Bible says we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), but when the one person we expect affirmation from becomes distant, it can be deeply wounding.
Intimacy affirms. It reminds your spouse: “You matter. I see you. I value you.” Without that, insecurity begins to grow, and over time, it can lead to resentment, withdrawal, or even depression.
7. Weakened Bond and Risk of Separation
Lastly, a prolonged lack of intimacy can break the very bond that holds a marriage together. It may not happen overnight, but over months and years, a cold marriage can lead to thoughts of separation—or worse, divorce. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” That “one flesh” includes more than just physical union—it speaks of oneness in every area.
When intimacy is regularly neglected, the unity God designed gets fractured. As Couples, you may begin to fantasize about life apart, or even emotionally disconnect completely, living separate lives while still married.
Intimacy is glue. It holds the covenant tight. Without it, the marriage becomes vulnerable to pressures that may eventually tear it apart.
Conclusion
The dangers of lacking intimacy in marriage are real, but they are not irreversible. God is a restorer—and He’s deeply interested in the health of your marriage. If you and your spouse have grown apart, don’t lose hope. Healing is possible. Pray together. Prayer breaks walls and reconnects hearts. Talk honestly. Share your feelings without blaming. Just be open. Be intentional, Schedule quality time. Be affectionate. Laugh again. Seek help if needed. Sometimes a Christian counselor or pastor can help guide you back to each other. Most importantly, remember that love is not just a feeling—it’s a commitment. The Bible says love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Intimacy takes time and effort, but it’s worth fighting for.
Your marriage can thrive again. And God, who authored love itself, is ready to help. I see your home soaring on Eagle’s Wings in Jesus’ name.
Written for Smartcouples.net © 2025. All rights reserved.
