10 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD NOT DO IN MARRIAGE
Oftentimes, I have heard experienced couples say young children of today rushing into marriage may not carefully observe to learn and get enough knowledge about what should be done and what should not be done in marriage. Love is never enough, love is just part of the requirements that are needed for a marriage to thrive. This made me so interested and I felt like knowing what and what is expected of us in marriage. As young as I was before entering into marriage, I desired all that it takes to enjoy marriage and I was willing to learn and get knowledge before saying I do.
It’s usually amazing when you ask couples whose marriage is on the verge of divorce why they are willing to let go of their marriages and you will be amazed to hear that just a little misunderstanding is about to set a whole house on fire. Misunderstanding in marriage is normal but the ability to manage them when they appear with wisdom and knowledge of God matters.
Marriage is a covenant instituted by God to reflect His love and unity with His people. God’s love for us established the work of creation. He made us in His likeness and when He created Adam, He saw the imperfections and the need to complete the man. From Adam, God made Eve, to serve as a help(Genesis 2:18-20). Of course, I know you know are informed about the whole story from the scripture!
However, when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable! Marriage is not just for a title change, not just meant to reproduce children, No! God designed marriage so you can find it very easy to fulfill destiny, do His will, and bear your vision without struggling, for companionship! For Christians, marriage is not only a legal and emotional bond but also a spiritual commitment that requires careful nurturing and adherence to biblical principles. Yes! It requires your commitment, spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally, and all you can think of!
In this article below, we shall be observing the 10 things couples should not do in marriage.
Keys points to note:
1. Refusal To Communicate
2. Unforgiveness And Bitterness Of Heart
3. Infidelity
4. Selfishness
5. Neglecting Spiritual Growth Together
6. Uncontrolled Anger
7. Disrespect
8. Neglecting Intimacy
9. Comparison and Criticism
10. Keeping Secrets
1. Refusal To Communicate
Effective communication is essential for marital harmony and understanding. Very essential and can not be joked with. Couples who often communicate have fewer issues to settle. When I got married, I agreed with my husband never to sleep without communicating and telling each other about how our days went. As couples, you should find your spouse as your best friend and make it a habit to communicate everything you experienced during the day, at work, and in other places before you both sleep.
This will help you keep issues in check and will help you address them. Refusing to communicate is dangerous and can easily make you both grow apart and not know because gradually, you both will find it easy to communicate with someone who is not your spouse. Therefore, never allow a lack of communication to ruin your marriage. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what helps build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
2. Unforgiveness And Bitterness Of Heart
Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive can poison a marriage and possibly destroy it. Before you get bitter at your spouse, ask yourself if it is right to be bitter towards yourself and refuse to forgive yourself. God is merciful and He overlooks our errors how much more someone you signed a lifetime with! I can not forgive him, she hurt me so badly, I can’t even let go! This should not be found in a Christian home. Colossians 3:13 instructs, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” As believers, our homes should be a reflection of God’s glory and finished work. Your marriage should be a model to the homes about to come. Therefore, never allow issues. pile up in your heart. Forgive your spouse as you both wrong each other.
3. Infidelity
One of the decisions I made before entering into marriage with my husband was, that I wanted to be married to this man forever, no other man would have access to my life and body. I closed the chapter on this and I relied on God for help! It is not new to get tempted, it is not new for men and women who are not your spouse to desire closure with you. You are the one to define the relationship. Adultery violates the trust and commitment essential in marriage and destroys a home.”Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). When you begin to feel comfortable with someone who is not your spouse, watch it and try as much as possible to stay away totally. This is because it can gradually grow into what you never desire.
4. Selfishness
Lots of people often forget that in marriage, it’s no longer about you but us. You need to start thinking of your spouse above yourself. Will my wife like this if I do it? Will he be happy if I take this step? Can I spend this money and eat till am satisfied before getting home? The moment you stop thinking about your spouse or family, you are already selfish. Selfishness destroys unity and sacrificial love in marriage. Philippians 2:3-4 advises, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” As couples, you should look outside your interests but consider what is pleasing to your partner before taking any step or doing anything. This helps you take actions that will not affect your home.
5. Neglecting Spiritual Growth Together
As an individual, neglecting spiritual growth is disastrous talk less of a married couple. As couples, you should grow spiritually together through prayer, worship, and studying God’s Word. A family that serves God together, prays together, fasts together, and does all sorts of spiritual exercises together sticks. When you start going apart spiritually, you are gradually giving the devil a hedge over your home, and trust me, the devil doesn’t need full access, just a little access is enough to turn a seed into a tree! Be careful of this and never neglect your spiritual growth. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Yes! Together you stand, divided you fall!
6. Uncontrolled Anger
In marriage, there is a need to tame some traits that can easily set your home ablaze. Some find it difficult to control themselves when angry. Lots of homes have shattered, and some have bruised, beaten, and killed their spouse as a result of anger. When you are faced with a situation that can naturally make you feel angry, take a deep breath, take a cup of water, and ask yourself if it’s right to be angry towards your spouse. Your partner is you, she completes you, and he completes you. Anger is resident in the heart of a fool! Avoid dangerous things you can do through anger by recognizing the fact that you and your spouse are one and it’s wrong to make the environment of your home toxic (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
7. Disrespect
Lots of people find it difficult to respect their spouse probably because they feel they are better off or have better achievements. Often, we see career women who find it very easy to disrespect their spouse because they are also bringing something to the table and providing for the family. That you’ve more than your spouse shouldn’t make you disrespect them, rather, you both should complement each other. Mutual respect is foundational in a Christian marriage and should not be taken with levity. As a man, respect your wife, as a woman, respect your husband as Ephesians 5:33 instructs, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” This will help you both stay in harmony and love for one another.
8. Neglecting Intimacy
80 percent of issues in marriage today often start from the marriage bed. Never say no to your spouse’s sexual needs. Never neglect their desire to bond with you sexually. It is so amazing when you hear couples say that they haven’t had sex in months, in years, yet they stay together. They are only flatmates but never bedmates. Physical intimacy should be nurtured within the boundaries of marriage and should be held in high esteem. “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Your body ceases to be yours alone the moment you enter marriage, it belongs to your spouse. Never punish your spouse by denying them access to your body. The devil is cunny, he can take advantage of that loophole and strike. Be mindful of this and enjoy your sexual life with your spouse.
9. Comparisons and Criticism
Your spouse is not your father, your spouse is not your mother, she is not that outspoken secretary at your office, and he is not your boss that you constantly wish should be your husband. Never compare your marriage with another. Never wish to have a spouse like your friend’s. Understand the peculiarities and differences every individual possesses. You are different and it’s wrong for your spouse to be another person. Understand who and what your spouse is and can do, then build more on it. Most people want their spouse to be what they are not therefore they feel the marriage is lacking bliss.
No! Understand your partner and know what they are capable of doing, be contented with whatever they give you, and be thankful for them. My friend’s husband bought her a car and my husband must, even if he is not capable only reflects how greedy you are. Learn to appreciate whatever your spouse can afford and together you see yourself growing bigger and bigger. Comparing your spouse to others or criticizing them tears down rather than builds up and can often render them incapable. Be careful of this. Proverbs 12:18 reminds us, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Never tear your spouse down with your words and never make them appear little in their own eyes.
10. Keeping Secrets
What are the secrets you’ve been keeping from your spouse all this while? Speak up now! This is because the devil builds more on those little little secrets you refuse to share. Is somebody disturbing you at work? Tell your spouse. Is there a contract you just won? Tell your spouse! Are you in need of something that you feel your spouse will never give? Discuss it first! Taking solace outside your home can be dangerous. Never keep secrets from your spouse. Be accessible always and freely release everything in your heart and hands to your spouse. Avoid secrets because the devil uses them to tamper with the unity and love in any home. Couples who keep secrets are gradually growing apart without their knowledge. Therefore, watch out for this! Tell your spouse everything!
In conclusion, a Christian marriage thrives on love, respect, forgiveness, and a commitment to God’s principles and dictates. By avoiding all that is listed above, your marriage will be blissful and peaceful. Never forget the devil’s assignment. Be mindful of his tactics, and refuse to allow the devil in your home. As Ephesians 5:21 summarizes, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Your submission to each other as a couple is a reflection of your love for God. God instituted marriage and making it work for you reflects how much you love God. I pray that God will help you and your home thrive and be a model marriage for other homes, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
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