10 Godly Ways to Ask a Lady Out as a Christian
Introduction
Ask a lady out? Someone reading this may be eager to know what I mean. It simply means walking up to a woman and making your intentions of wanting a relationship with her known. Some call it woo, some date. There are several names we all call that. As Christians, whichever relationship we choose to have should reflect God’s love, respect, and purpose. Asking someone out isn’t just about beginning a romantic journey; it’s about walking in alignment with God’s will. Every relationship either begins with a man or a lady asking for a relationship with the other. However, to maintain focus on the subject of discussion, let’s continue with the aspect of a man doing the asking now.
During my single years, I experienced and observed several approaches that men used to ask women out. Each method revealed something about their personality, intentions, and sometimes, their understanding of relationships. While some approaches were thoughtful and respectful, others were impulsive, inappropriate, or even forceful. Sometimes, I laugh. For instance, some men would speak authoritatively, as though they had already decided the relationship should happen. I recall one man who said, “God told me you’re going to be my wife, so you don’t need to think about it—just say yes.” While such confidence might seem appealing to some, to me, it lacked the humility and respect that should be present in a godly relationship.
Others were more impulsive; they got me thinking in those years if it’s possible to feel that way.
Meeting a lady for the first time and immediately declaring, “I love you. You’re the one for me, and I want us to date.” Such declarations often lacked depth and made me question whether they were truly interested in my character or simply acting on infatuation.
The drama is endless! Some reacted poorly when turned down. Some would get visibly angry or defensive, questioning, “Why would you say no to someone like me?” Sometimes, I may be willing to react, but then, I calm down and tell myself, “It’s not worth it.” This behavior not only showed immaturity but also a lack of understanding that relationships should be based on clear acceptance and respect.
On the other hand, there were the clingy ones—men who would bombard me with messages, calls, or persistent pleas for a “yes,” almost as though they wanted to wear me down into agreeing. While their persistence might be coming from genuine feelings, it often came across as controlling and disregarded my boundaries. Beyond my own experiences, I also listened to countless stories from my friends. Their encounters mirrored mine: the good, the bad, and the outright uncomfortable.
However, one truth became evident through all these experiences—women know the qualities they desire in a man. As women, we have expectations and standards, often shaped by our upbringing, faith, and understanding of what a godly man should be. When approached thoughtfully and respectfully, we are more inclined to give a listening ear. From there, we take the matter to God in prayer, seeking His guidance to determine if pursuing the relationship is safe and aligned with His will. Above all, it’s not just about the method of approach but also the heart and intentions behind it. A man who approaches with humility, respect, and a clear desire to honor God will always stand out among the rest.
This article will open your eyes to 10 Godly ways to Ask a Lady Out as a Christian.
1. Seek God’s Guidance in Prayer
2. Build a Friendship First
3. Be Intentional and Transparent
4. Respect Her Spiritual Journey
5. Consult Trusted Mentors or Leaders
6. Approach Her with Respect and Humility
7. Share Your Vision for the Relationship
8. Be Patient and Respect Her Decision
9. Maintain Purity and Set Boundaries
10. Keep Christ at the Center
1. Seek God’s Guidance in Prayer
The first advice I give to anyone who approaches me and makes their intention known about a particular lady is, have you prayed about it? Have you asked God if it’s right to approach her? One wrong thing a man will do is start a relationship without God. Who gave you the go-ahead or are you only trying to see if it will work? Before considering asking a lady out, take time to pray about it. Ask God for clarity and direction to ensure your intentions align with His will. The word of God tells us to ask for wisdom and God will give it generously (James 1:5). Praying helps you understand whether the relationship would glorify God and grow both of you spiritually. Dedicate days or weeks to seek God for direction, in prayer about the person before making a move. The peace of God will fill your heart if she is the one prepared for you. Direction comes first!
2. Build a Friendship First
A lasting relationship begins with friendship. After praying, take time to develop a genuine friendship. Knowing her likes, values and faith journey helps lay a good foundation for your relationship. It helps you know each other more, and it makes her feel comfortable communicating with you. Approach as a good friend first just as the Bible recorded that a man who has friends must himself be friendly (Proverbs 18:24). Building a friendship shows her you value her beyond romance. Spend time together in group settings like Bible studies and church activities to observe her character. Character check is very vital so you can know if you can deal with it.
3. Be Intentional and Transparent
Some men are even too shy to talk after they’ve heard from God and end up losing the sister to another brother who is swifter. Also, some do not go straight to the point even after they’ve been a close friend. When you’re ready to ask her out, be clear about your intentions and avoid vague or misleading statements. Using misleading words can also be termed as lies or simply being cunning, and the Bible warns against it (Colossians 3:9). Be honest and truthful in your conversation. Remember, go straight to the point and make use of statements like, “I’ve prayed about this and feel less to pursue a godly relationship with you. Would you consider this with me?” No Christian sister will respond to this with an insult or not see you as someone to consider seeking God for.
4. Respect Her Spiritual Journey
This is very vital although God will not lead you to an unbeliever as a wife. Understanding her walk with Christ is crucial before initiating a relationship. As children of God, we can not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Engage in conversations about her faith to determine whether you’re spiritually compatible and make sure you share similar values and goals in Christ.
5. Consult Trusted Mentors or Leaders
God guides you through prayer, relate this to any of your trusted spiritual mentors or leaders. Seek counsel from them because they are capable of providing you with wisdom and accountability (Proverbs 15:22). Their guidance can help you discern the timing and manner of your approach. Share your intentions with someone you trust and ask for feedback on how to proceed and maintain that relationship.
6. Approach Her with Respect and Humility
I must mention that your approach should reflect Christ-like humility and respect as stated in the scripture (Philippians 2:3). If you read from the beginning, I gave instances of my personal experience and made it known clearly that it’s a wrong way to approach any lady. Let her know that you value her as a person, regardless of her response. Speak politely and choose an appropriate setting for the conversation, avoiding public pressure and distractions. You may choose the church environment when there is no service, a safe garden around, or a quiet environment where you both can speak freely.
7. Share Your Vision for the Relationship
As a man, you’ve got goals! Yeah! However, you must have a vision for the relationship you’re about to start. Before approaching her, set the goals because you will need to share them with her when you meet her. Communicate your goals for the relationship, emphasizing your desire to honor God together because two can not walk together without agreement (Amos 3:3). Also, ask for her vision and check if it goes perfectly with yours. Aligning visions early can prevent future misunderstandings. Also, discuss your faith-based goals, such as maintaining purity and growing spiritually as a couple.
8. Be Patient and Respect Her Decision
Don’t expect a “Yes” immediately. Give her time to pray and think about your proposal. Doing this will help her see clearly what God has in store for both of you. It will help her hear God and receive her convictions. Create time for this as there is time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Pressuring her for an immediate answer may create unnecessary tension and may make her doubt if you were led by God. Let her know she can take her time to respond and continue to treat her kindly, regardless of her response at the end.
9. Maintain Purity and Set Boundaries
Commit to honoring God in your pursuit by setting clear physical and emotional boundaries. This is not meant to be a decision made by you alone, it must be communicated to her when you eventually do the asking. Your sanctification is the will of God (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4). Discuss boundaries early in the relationship to avoid compromising situations. It’s not a moment to allow your conversations to become too intimate and you start discussing topics that can result in sexual immorality. Why did I say this? When you begin with that, pre-marital sex may be hard to control. Agree with boundaries, such as avoiding late-night visits, inappropriate conversations, or meeting behind closed doors.
10. Keep Christ at the Center
Above all, your relationship should glorify God and draw both of you closer to Him. Make your love for God known to her and how focused you are on the kingdom race (Matthew 6:33). A Christ-centered relationship reflects His love and purpose, and such relationships are the type God desires. Pray together, attend church services, engage in joint Bible study, go for outreaches and win souls, and cultivate the habit of doing spiritual exercises together, as all these are parts of your relationship growth.
Conclusion
Asking a lady out as a Christian brother isn’t just about romantic intentions, sexual needs, fun, or catching a cruise, as most call it; it’s about honoring God and the woman you are pursuing. By seeking His guidance, being transparent, and maintaining respect, you’re solidly laying the foundation for a relationship that glorifies God. Do not forget to keep Christ at the center, trusting His plans for your life and the potential union. Also, applying the guides given above, which are prayer, humility, and wisdom, asking a lady out can be a significant and great step toward a godly and fulfilling relationship that will possibly lead to marriage.
Never stop trusting in the Lord with all your heart, and refuse to lean on your understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, not just your relationship, and He will make your path straight, easy, and peaceful (Proverbs 3:5-6). The Holy Spirit is a friend, a companion, a director, and a teacher. Walk with the Holy Spirit always, and your life shall radiate God’s glory. You will enjoy your relationship in Jesus’ name. Amen.
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