10 Notable Ways Gratitude Transforms Relationships
Raise your hand if you’ve said a “thank you” this week. And no, I don’t mean those forced “thank yous” you say to fulfill all righteousness. I mean genuine thanksgiving from the heart. Think about it. If you’re honest, you’ll realize that you may not have been so thankful.
But the truth is, it’s not just you. These days, it’s so easy not to be grateful. I mean, what’s there to be grateful for, or so we think? Life’s hard, so we whine, complain, and carry long faces – as though we’re Mr. Grumpy. But hey, do you know the power of a thank you said from the heart? Do you realize the power of an attitude of gratitude?
Remember a time you did someone a favor, and the little girl smiled and said “thank you” with excitement, deep appreciation, and teary eyes. How did you feel? Happy?Fulfilled? I bet it spurred you to do more.
That’s the power of gratitude. And just so you know, gratitude not only changes your attitude and outlook about life, it wields the power to transform your relationships with the ones you love. Of course, it does not mean that all your problems will vanish into thin air, but it sure gives you a better perspective.
With that said, let us explore how gratitude transforms relationships. I hope you’re motivated to say a thank you after reading. Let’s dive in.
Ways Gratitude Transforms Relationships
1. Gratitude Helps You Focus on the Positives
It’s always so easy to notice what’s wrong. It takes intentionality to notice what’s right, and not just that, but to celebrate and appreciate it. Think about how easy it is for your mom or wife to notice how the bed was not made properly, without even noticing that you made the bed!
But this is where gratitude changes the story. When you train your mind to say thanks, you are motivated to find things to be thankful about. And you’d be surprised at just how many things you’d find. It’s easy to be critical and bitter about your partner’s weaknesses, but what about his or her strengths? Do you intentionally thank him or her for those?
It may even be your circumstances. Life and relationships are always far from ideal and perfect, but gratitude helps you stay anchored on the things that bring life, not those that snuff it out.
2. Gratitude Softens the Heart and Reduces Offense
When your mind is trained to focus on the positives about your partner or relationship, you find out that your heart is less rock-like and more fluffy pillow-like. If you are overwhelmed by the ninety-nine things you are grateful for, it will be hard for one offense to make you so bitter.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that you don’t deal with issues, but an attitude of gratitude makes your heart tender. And if you are always appreciative, it’s way easier not to be misinterpreted or misunderstood. In fact, it will be easier to deal with any offense maturely, and with more understanding from a standpoint of a thankful heart.
The safer, valued, and respected your partner feels with you, the less likely he or she is to offend you. Get that?
3. Gratitude Deepens Emotional Intimacy
Have you ever met someone who never ceases to say thanks? How do you view that person? How is your relationship with that person? Gratitude says: “I see what you do, and I appreciate it. I appreciate you”.
In our relationship with God, gratitude is not only a command, but it’s also a result of a heart that sees all that God has done and remembers to say thanks (See Ps. 107). When we have such an attitude, we connect more deeply with God. It’s the same with your relationship with your partner.
A partner is more likely to be deeply connected emotionally to you and to cherish communication when he or she feels that you are mutually appreciative of each other, and this leads to a stronger, healthier relationship.
4. Gratitude Starves the Entitlement Mentality
It’s always easy to think that we deserve things. Or perhaps, the right word is that we are entitled to them. So we feel that if it’s our right to have them, there’s no need to show appreciation for them. But how true is this?
I am learning that everything we have is a gift from God to be stewarded properly with thanksgiving (1 Chron. 29:13-14). The fact that you have a partner you think you are better than does not make him or her your slave. Even in a marital relationship where you both have roles, it does not mean that you should not be grateful.
When your partner does something – whether little or ginormous, honor it, cherish it. Don’t feel that it’s their duty. Even if it is, show them that you are appreciative of it. They’ll be spurred to do more. Try it!
5. Gratitude Displaces Discontent, Envy, and Comparison
One of the main causes of our problems is that we are simply not satisfied with what we have. Sometimes we justify it as wanting more out of life. And wanting more is not wrong at all. But in most cases, we don’t simply want to ask God with the right motives, and wait on Him for the more He intends in His time (Jas. 4:1-3).
So we cling to discontent. We nag and complain. Then we compare ourselves, partners, kids, or possessions to the ladies in the magazines, or our executives at work, or our neighbors with the cute lawn and dog at the opposite side of the street. When we breed such emotions, we get bitter and are driven towards envy.
While God is patient with us (2 Pet. 3:9), these attitudes are totally displeasing (Gal. 5:19-21, Rom. 8:8). And it’s not just to Him, it’s also displeasing to those around us, like our partners. That’s why an attitude of gratitude is highly recommended. It’s a chill pill.
6. Gratitude Boosts Commitment and Long-Term Satisfaction
Except for other reasons beyond their control, people often stay committed to people, relationships, or places where they feel valued. Think about it. Would you rather stay in a relationship where you are always told that you mean nothing, or would you rather stay with someone who sees you as the world to them?
A book I read spoke about a man who had an affair with another woman simply because all that his wife saw were his gaffes, while his mistress saw the diamond in the rough. Of course, this is not an encouragement to cheat. God delights in faithfulness, regardless of the circumstances (Heb. 13:4, Prov. 5:15-17), but play your part.
If your relationship is going haywire right now, why don’t you consider a little gratitude? There’s power in it, I tell you. God won’t lie. It’s a cheat code.
7. Gratitude Turns Ordinary Moments into Bonding Opportunities
There’s something extraordinary that happens when you choose thanksgiving over bickering. Think of a normal prayer time on Tuesday night after a stressful day at work. It can and will be easier to complain and let stress handle the prayer, but what happens when you choose to thank God for the great things that happened throughout the day?
I bet you’re thinking. There are many things you can consider as casual in your home or with your partner, like you both sauntering in a park, or a candle-lit dinner on your anniversary, or even a prayer before you share a meal. These may seem ordinary or routine, especially if you consistently do them.
But no matter how hackneyed they may seem, they can become meaningful memories to keep and reflect on if you light a chandelier of gratitude as a covering.
8. Gratitude Encourages Growth Instead of Criticism
There are people I have met whose constant words of affirmation towards me spurred me to be the best version of myself. I felt valued, respected, and loved unconditionally. It’s easy to think that a spouse or even a child would grow better when you criticize, complain, or nag all day.
But from my personal experience, that’s not always the case. It’s true that criticism can spur one to grow, but it’s hardly from a healed perspective. It’s usually only to prove a point. But when you display an attitude of gratitude, you let your partner know that he doesn’t have the big job yet, but he’s working hard, and you appreciate it.
Your wife doesn’t have the “go-figure” yet, but she’s trying and you appreciate it. Someone who feels appreciated is more motivated to want to grow and change to be a better person for you. Follow the command in Ephesians 5:4, okay?
9. Gratitude Prolongs Your Life
A cheerful heart is good medicine (Prov. 17:22). It’s almost impossible to be bitter and grateful at the same time. Yes, your circumstances may be bitter, but your attitude can be better. When you overflow with gratitude for the blessings you have – like your partner, kids, possessions – while you wait for what needs a miracle, you are way happier and healthier.
The anxious heart is prone to a great many woes, both spiritual and physical, especially cardiovascular issues. But what is the remedy? Philippians 4:6-7 put it well when it says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”” It emphasized “with thanksgiving,” and what do you get? “God’s peace”. You can’t kill a joyful heart anchored in rest. Stay grateful!
10. Gratitude Invites God’s Presence and Blessings into Your Relationship
Do you know that when Jesus was on earth, He always gave thanks? And as He did, He saw the blessings of God. (Matt. 14:19, Lk. 22:19; 24:30). An attitude of gratitude magnifies God. It glorifies Him, and He is moved to act on your behalf (Ps. 69:30-31). Who do you think would please God more?
A nagging soul oblivious to His blessings, or a grateful soul who always remembers the little or big things God has blessed him with? The Israelites who were with Moses surely know that answer. Even when circumstances are far from ideal, as they will be most times, an attitude of gratitude to God pleases Him. That’s why the command says “in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:18).
You don’t have to lie, but you can acknowledge His goodness even in the midst of all you are going through. Thanksgiving is a sacrifice we offer to God. It is His will for us (Col. 3:15-17). And God, who sees our hearts, comes to our aid, just like He did for Jonah (Jon. 2:9-10). Choose to give thanks with a grateful heart.
Finally, we have looked at ways that gratitude transforms relationships. But the truth is, gratitude not only transforms our relationships, it also transforms us. It’s easier to whine and complain, but gratitude from the heart offers more benefits.
Now, don’t just stop at having the attitude of gratitude in your head. Say a little gratitude, will you? First to God, then your partner, kids, and as many people as you meet. Challenge for the week? You bet! Thank you, and God bless you.
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