A wife of noble character who can find (Prov. 31:10) ? Let me confess. For some time in my life, the idea of marriage scared me much more than it thrilled me. This is because I learned early on that marriage is less about fairy tales and more about hard work. The idea seemed daunting to me.
But just like a daunting Math test or presentation, it’s easier to get jittery when you are unprepared. That’s when even picayune details can make you look stupid. So I told myself the truth. I did not feel led by God to become celibate, meaning that I intended to get married one day.
I could either face my fears with courage or keep waiting for when everything would become alright. The former seemed more auspicious. So just like a daunting Math test, I have learned to prepare ahead. Though it doesn’t always guarantee success, it places one on such a path.
Now, I don’t know about you. I don’t know your fears or ideas about marriage. But if you desire to do it God’s way, it calls for a level of preparation on your part. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” Can you ask yourself honestly? “Am I good? Will I bring favor, especially as I am now?”
It does not mean that you have to be perfect, but it sure means that you can be mature, even though you may not know what your marriage will entail. So join me as we explore ways to prepare for marriage as a young lady. I pray it blesses your heart.
Ways a Lady Can Prepare for Marriage are:
1. Be Honest With Yourself
I have heard it said that each one of us can lie to everyone around us, including ourselves, but deep down, the truth is there, gnawing at us, until we confront it. The first way to prepare for anything is to confront it in your mind.
Sit with the idea of marriage. Do you feel led by God to go into it, or are you simply running away from the pressure? Either way, you still have to prepare for it, but the former gives you focus and perspective. Ask yourself the hard questions you have about marriage and starting a family.
Again, identify your fears, strengths, and weaknesses. You may need to journal. But keep it honest. Remember it’s only knowing the truth that can set you free (Jn. 8:32).
2. Keep in Step With God
The truth is, this might well be the first and overall point of action for everything. This is because, as a person and a lady, you live, move, and have your being in God (Acts 17:28). Basically, even your desire to marry is from Him because He instituted marriage for His glory and your benefit (Phil. 2:13).
I had learned earlier on in my life to pray for my marriage and my future partner. And really, that never gets old. When everything falls apart, it’s prayer that keeps you standing. Again, marriage is first for God’s glory. Is it not right to seek the One who made the institution?
Beyond that, He did not just create it for Himself, but also for you. He sees you and He knows you even better than you do yourself (Ps. 139:1-4). But He wants you to invite Him. So do so, in humility and truth, and let Him lead and guide you. In the end, only He can make you suitable as a help meet for His son.
3. Heal From Your Past
Many of us, maybe even you, carry hurts deep down. We’re broken, and sometimes we force smiles to hide what’s breaking us inside. These can be hurts from our childhood, teenage years, or even early adult years that have marred us.
Sometimes we make decisions that we feel are right, but truly they are just based on fear and misconceptions entrenched in our souls. The sad thing is that though it may not entirely be our fault, the consequences boil down largely to us. It is true that God can lead His sons into your life to guide you on the path of healing and restoration.
Other times, He can lead a partner to marry you even before you begin the process. But it’s also not so bad to start now if you can as a single. When two partners are whole, marriage becomes easier, not because problems disappear, but because their minds have been renewed to think and act differently (Rom. 12:2).
4. Have a Vision For Your Life
What drives you? It’s a very good thing to be able to see beyond. A quote I like by a woman born blind, Helen Keller, states, “The greatest tragedy is not a lack of sight, but a lack of vision”. Vision gives you foresight, focus, and perspective in life. It helps you know where you’re going.
And because you do, it makes it easier for the eyes of your heart to identify one of God’s sons walking in that direction so you can partner with him. While it’s true that in marriage, you will have corporate dreams and there should be compromise in a way that you don’t think only about yourself, a God-given partner will not silence your dreams or vision.
Rather, he will encourage you to find and nurture it because it is from His Father too. How can you have a vision? Ask God. He made you and is always kind enough to tell you about it if you persist in faith, trust, and obedience (Hab. 2:1-3).
5. Work on Your Character
Proverbs 11:22 says that “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” I looked through different translations to get another word for “discretion”. Most of the translations maintained the word. So I looked it up in a dictionary. It means “the ability to make wise choices or decisions” or to be “discreet and circumspect”.
I also looked through some of the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman. One I saw was that “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26). It’s one thing to have charm, charisma, and be able to turn the heads of those in a room around, but what’s left when those are gone and you have to prove yourself? That’s when your character comes to play. That’s when people know the stuff you’re made of.
Like the Message Bible says, it will prove whether you are “a pretty face on an empty head” or not. So work on your character. Be honest, respectful, humble, kind, faithful, wise, hospitable, able to listen, and you name them. Let your true beauty “…be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Pet. 3:4). That’s what makes you precious, and attracts true sons of God (Prov. 31:10).
6. Learn Emotional Intelligence
Humans are created with a bunch of emotions. And this is not insane. It is from God. Our emotions and feelings can be indicators of what’s going on within us, but they can be misleading if not handled properly. Naturally, women are considered more emotional than men. So it’s quite helpful to learn how to handle your emotions if you don’t want to ruin your future relationships.
You have to know yourself, your recurrent highs and lows, your strengths and weaknesses too. You should also learn how to think properly before you act, as even a right action at the wrong time can cause you problems. Don’t always act on impulse. Be led by God’s Spirit (Gal. 5:16). There’s a place for vulnerability, but there’s also a place for discernment.
Learn how to be positive and not let your circumstances rule your behavior or outlook to life by watching your thoughts and feelings (2 Cor. 10:5). Again, learn to recognize when people’s emotions you care about are all over the place, and extend hands of grace and mercy, not judgment (Gal. 6:2). Be intentional about your relationships, and treat others the way you would like to be treated (Matt. 7:12).
7. Learn How to Handle and Resolve Conflicts
Even if your partner comes to you wrapped in a gift box from Heaven, there are bound to be challenges in every marriage. This is to refine you, not irk you (Jas. 1:2-4). It is very helpful to marry a partner whose values align with yours, because only in agreement is there progress (Amos 3:3). But the truth is, no matter the alignment, you are still unique individuals, and you can never be the same.
You were raised differently, and you both have different life experiences. So sometimes, healthy conflicts can arise. If you are someone who runs from difficult conversations or you hate the truth pointed out to you, you have to learn. This is because no one is born perfect. Everyone is still on a learning journey. So you are bound to make mistakes, but you should be open to receiving rebuke.
It should be a cause for you to sit quietly with yourself, ask the hard questions, and aim for reconciliation even if it means bowing to your pride. You must also learn to be patient and forgive (Eph. 4:32), as tiny cracks give rise to major potholes that can cause catastrophes in your marriage. A wise woman builds her home (Prov. 14:1). Don’t tear yours down.
8. Be Hardworking and Learn Effective Financial Management
There’s no point in arguing whether money is important or not in a family, because it is. Even though God provides for us, He does not delight in lazy, irresponsible folk (1 Thess. 4:11, 2 Thess. 3:6-12). As a lady, you might as well think, “Oh, but I am a lady. I am meant to be provided for”. That’s not wrong at all, but the Bible never said it was wrong for a lady to be industrious (Prov. 31:13).
In fact, these days, with the many financial demands in society and in the home, you really should discipline yourself to be financially sound. Even if you may not technically work, no son of God would want a lady idling around. You should be able to manage his finances and business yourself.
Learn how to save, invest, and open your mind to learn. Of course, you should not be so money-oriented that you forget or ignore what matters, but you should not be a lazy lady either. Check out the Proverbs 31 woman for an example.
9. Take Care of Your Health
There are things about the body God has given to you that matter. It’s erroneous to think that God’s temple deserves “anyhow” treatment because you are being “religious”. One thing that I learned is that you need your body to function well.
Though you can always pray for healing, you can also pray for the grace to treat your body well to avoid disease. There are many things that you can do. For example, you can exercise, drink a lot of water, eat healthy food, rest, and feed your mind positively. You don’t always have to complain about the economy.
Some of these can be planted, and if that’s not an option, they can always be purchased if you plan for them. You need a good body and quality health to be the productive kind of partner God will have you be. But it all starts with being intentional.
10. Learn to Be Romantic
Truly, romance is not the only thing that satisfies in marriage, but God also created it for your enjoyment as a couple (Prov. 5:18-19). Sometimes, many Christian ladies think being romantic is being carnal. But then, I have learned that, as inconsequential as it can sound, frigidity is a cause of divorce in marriages.
I am not implying that you go start exploring illicit videos that will damage your mind. But it helps to be mentally prepared to know that romance is also a way of expressing love, God’s way. And there’s nothing wrong with that in a God-ordained union.
Again, I dare say that if you desire a son of God for a husband, then it’s worth it to keep yourself (1 Cor. 6:18). Prepare yourself to be romantic to him and him alone. You must not engage in premarital sex to learn. If anything, pray about it. God knows how to help you.
11. Learn Basic Practical Lady Skills
These days, women’s roles seem to be changing. So not every woman believes in cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry. While we can argue about women’s roles, you never know what a marriage can bring. So it’s advisable to learn these roles. Learn how to cook, do basic household chores, and even do laundry. It’s more expedient when you’re an early riser.
It’s true that maybe as a boss lady tackling work and multiple jobs, you may not be so present to always do these tasks. But even delegating them to others within the home requires your expertise. Besides, these “traditional” skills are beautiful and show that a lady cares for the members of her home. And I know families where the lack of these may cause problems.
You must not be an expert, but you can embrace the process. Again, learn to be hospitable, affable, respectful, confident, and fun to be with. You should love yourself, have a healthy self-esteem, and know how to catch a good laugh even though you’re purpose-driven.
12. Gain Wisdom From Those Who Have Walked the Path
The Bible says that in a multitude of counselors, there is safety (Prov. 11:14; 24:6). There’s the temptation to think that you know everything you need to know about life, and even marriage. But the truth is, you don’t. Rather than defend your ignorance, wisdom teaches you to sit quietly and learn from those who have walked the path.
It is important to have a mentor, especially a woman in your life who you can look up to, and whose marriage you can emulate. It can be your mom or a spiritual parent. Having a sisterhood circle is not so bad either. As you listen, note their gaffes and where they excelled. It saves you from a lot of stress.
Also read books, watch podcasts, and access websites that tell you the Truth about marriage and relationships. You may not be able to devour everything, and you must not run with every advice. Trust God for guidance and be yourself.
Finally, there’s a verse in Proverbs which says: “The horses are prepared for battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD” (Prov. 21:31). So it’s a good thing to prepare yourself by working on your character, and building fortitude emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, romantically, and even health-wise.
But you must never forget that your victory comes from the Lord. Don’t entertain doubt. Prophesy over and prepare for your marriage. God loves you, and He sees you. He cares about your marriage much more than you do. And He is faithful. He alone can prepare you for what He will have you do. Trust Him. May God strengthen you, sis. Stay blessed!
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