13 Cogent Reasons To Delay Sex Until Marriage
In the previous episode of this article, I wrote at length on one of the most troubling issues that matter to youths – whether or not to engage in premarital sex. What I expounded on in particular are those factors that can push you to engage in premarital sex in the first place. This is because I know that not everyone just willingly wants to go have sex before marriage. Sometimes, it may just be out of sheer naivety or intense pressure from within and without.
The issue of whether to engage in premarital sex or not poses a little confusion. With so many technology, health, and wellness options that you can opt for while still enjoying the pleasure of premarital sex, you may have picked up your phone to say the long-awaited but regrettable “yes.” And you must have heard and read a lot about it to the extent that you are now very confident that you know how to navigate your way around the thing called sex. But wait a minute, are you really sure you know all that there is to it?
Many celebrities and the hottest girl in your college will tell you the fun side of premarital sex, but they will hardly – if ever, let you in on the frightening realities you will face later on. I mentioned earlier that the devil does not really care about you. He’s a schemer and will not just bluntly tell you, “Hey, don’t do it. It’s a terrible idea.” Rather, he’ll cajole you to, “Try it just once.” But you’ll pay for that temporal satisfaction for the rest of your days, believe me.
Thinking about this, there is a verse that strikes me so much in God’s Word, and guess what? It is found in the “love book.” Yeah, in the book you read with partly closed eyes and with much wonder as to whether God recommended such a book to be part of His Holy book. But like I mentioned earlier in the previous episode, God is not really against your pleasure and enjoyment. Why should He be? He wants you to enjoy life (Jn. 10:10, 3 Jn. 2). But you know what He does not want? He does not want you to enjoy this pleasure out of His will and at the wrong time. So what’s this stellar verse? It reads:
“…Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song. 3:5).
Now, why would a girl crazy in love say this? Here’s why:
1) You risk losing your eternal future:
Imagine you’re having lots of fun cuddled up real good with yours only when someone suddenly barges into the hotel room you’re in. He quickly says, “Sorry, wrong room,” but then He reaches for the door and gives you a long hard look. While still trying to process everything, you read the inscription on His shirt and it goes, “Jesus Christ.”
Now, this may or may not mean so much to you. But really, one of the most important reasons why you should not engage in premarital sex is because Jesus will certainly disapprove of it (1 Cor. 6:18-20). Now, why should you care? Oh boy, you should. Because one day, He’s going to look you in the eye and you’ll have to face His judgment (Rev. 21:8).
Even if it were not so, Jesus really loves you (Jn. 3:16, 1 Jn. 3:1; 4:9). He died so you can have a great life – not devoid of pleasures like sex. You’ve got the full package in Him. All that He asks is that you love and obey His Word and timing (Jn. 14:23).
2) You may end up as a single parent:
Before you say, “Aren’t there condoms and contraceptives?” Hear me out. It is true that in our crazy generation, almost everyone feels like they know everything. If you mention things like you may get pregnant, you’ll hear people echo that things like those do not pose a problem. But they do. You know why? Because although these contraceptives and condoms are efficient, there’s always that unlucky person. I’ll not be the one to pray that it happens to be you, but it just might.
Premarital sex can and most times will give you the cutest things in the world – babies. Just that they would come at a time when you are obviously immature and not ready for them. If your partner does not deny you or run away, then that’s partly good. But if you’re unlucky again, you’ll begin to experience what your parents have experienced with you, except for the fact that this time, it will be just you – without your partner.
Imagine your five-year-old asking you one day, “Where is daddy?” And you have to cook up stories which will later be found out. When the truth of these stories have been unraveled, it may lead to your child loathing you for a while – if not forever. You really do not have to pass through this experience, so zip up.
3) You may end up with a life-threatening illness:
You never can tell what issues the person you decide to have sex with may have. I have heard of really mean individuals who have contracted life-threatening diseases like HIV/AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis and the likes. Now, because these “meanies” really do not want to die alone, they do what the devil does – share it. Of course, they do not look it when you see them. They look healthy, parading as sweet little angels and white, innocent sheep (2 Cor. 11:14-15, Matt. 7:15).
Once they have got you and have fulfilled their purpose, however, they dump you to your fate. Truly, it is horrible to live with ill-health. But I can assure you that it’s far worse when you live with the reality that it is of your own doing.
None of this is God’s idea. He desires to see you thrive with vitality and joy (3 Jn. 2). Please, don’t complicate things.
4) You may never get to hold your own baby:
So many girls in the name of being smart and wise have aborted the fetuses in their wombs only to realize that the babies they murdered were the only ones they were ever meant to have. Others who feel they are smarter use contraceptives to totally hinder the children from ever coming to them. The sad thing I doubt they know is that their bodies ain’t perfect. Whatever artificial substance one takes in – whether for good or bad – brings along with it, its fair share of side effects.
Children are great gifts from the Giver of life and funnily enough, the only biological way He has intended for these gifts to bless homes is through sex (Ps. 127:3). So I ask, why request for a gift you are not ready for? Will you love that after you have changed your ways and gotten married to a great person, you will never be able to bear children for him? And this is not because God has chosen to delay it for a while, but because of your past mistakes. Just take a moment and think this through.
5) You might rid the earth of a precious human being
Can you close your eyes for a moment and imagine if your mom aborted you while in her womb? You would have never been in existence. For a moment, you might think it as nothing but it is something. When you engage in premarital sex, you really don’t get the
golden opportunity to tell God whether or not to bless you with His gift. The choice is solely His.
So yes, you may have been a little foolish by engaging in a sinful act, but I want you to know that the baby that comes out of it is not a sin. It is not responsible for your irresponsibility. It is but an innocent little thing that just needs to taste what the world feels like. When you abort it, you deny it this privilege. And my dear, God will not take that lightly with you. It’s still a sin – two weeks or four months old. Has it also crossed your mind that you might die in the process? Remember that God is not going to excuse you because it felt like the right thing to do at that moment. God really does love you, my dear and He does not want you or His gift dead (Ezek. 18:32). Follow His way.
6) You bring shame to your kin and God
Your parents must be so proud of you. They must have watched you grow from when you were little till this stage you’re at. If you decide to engage in premarital sex, imagine how your poor mother would feel? How will the dad who has sung your praises feel? What record do you give to your home? What becomes of your family name? You know, there are things that do not just get wiped out of history’s memory by simply using an “eraser.”
Please, even though you desperately want to have sex right now even before you say, “I do,” I plead with you that you think about your mother who has done everything she can possibly do for you. Think about your dad who may never be able to raise his head up in public ever again.
7) You lose your sense of self-worth and self-esteem
Earlier on at my place of work today, I overheard a conversation about a girl who had supposedly had sex with one of her lecturers. Inasmuch as people will always get talked about, I always emphasize that it should be for a good cause, at least. But this girl was not talked about in a good light. The way she was mocked and devalued by those who spoke about her got me thinking really hard. What if she had heard this little chit-chat? How would she feel? What would become of her identity?
You should know that because sex is sacred and designed by God only to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage, going against His will means setting His gifts of dignity, worth, and noble character attached to your being a virgin up for disaster. You will no
longer see yourself as God will have you do or see yourself the way He sees you. You will see yourself as worthless, useless, and dirty. And once the devil has achieved this, he has a channel to ruin you completely (Jn. 10:10).
8) You may end up as a sex toy:
Once you begin to see yourself as worthless, you will feel that there is no need to keep yourself anymore. After all, all that you have is gone. So you may end up just giving yourself to any random person who asks to have you.
There is also something about sex. Once you begin, you find it difficult to stop. You are bound as a slave to it and its whims become your most revered command (Jn. 8:34, Rom. 7:15). At the end, you would have been so used that the enemy can proceed to make you contemplate suicide. That is so not God’s will for you. He really loves you. I know it for sure.
9) You might end up losing the partner you’re going crazy for:
From most of the stories I have heard, most girls who give themselves to their partners in a bid to prove their love, trap them, or even out of sheer innocence always have the guy dumping them at the end. Think of it this way. You are so thirsty and are badly craving juice. You do all you can to get it and luckily for you, someone passes it to you. When you have had your fill, do you still desire the juice? I doubt it, except if you’re a glutton. And even so, there’s surely a limit. You might even puke if someone waves it at you.
The same goes for sex. When someone has devalued you, he might likely hate you and dump you. You know why? If he (she) asked for sex in the first place, it means he (she) was never truly in love with you (1 Cor. 13:4-8). It was nothing but mere sinful lust. Once that selfish craving has been satisfied, you will become the rag that they can walk on. Take a look at Tamar and Amnon’s story in 2 Samuel 13. Just imagine all you have wasted by investing in that relationship; plus the extra baggage of regrets (Lk. 15:13-14).
10) You become a slave to guilt:
No one can escape this one as far as one has a conscience. And everyone has one – not unless it is totally dead. Hardly anyone who has engaged in premarital sex has the courage to raise their heads up when the topic of abstinence or virginity is being
mentioned. There is this feeling that keeps on haunting them even if they make amends that can only be taken away by Christ Jesus.
11) You risk missing the “right” person for you:
It takes the grace of God for someone who has engaged in premarital sex to find the person that God has originally intended for that person to be with. You know why?
As at the time, such a person must have changed his (her) mind, he (she) must have been really messed up that such a one may not even see whom God is leading him (her) to or whomever God is leading him (her) to may have second thoughts due to such a one’s past.
God says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). No one would want a “bad” thing. So keep yourself pure.
12) You might just end up cursed:
There is a blessing for every of God’s command (Ps. 119:2, Deut. 28:2). And as such, there is also a corresponding curse for every act of disobedience to His commands (Deut. 28:15). Reuben did not get the inheritance that was rightfully his because he defiled his father’s bed and was therefore cursed (Gen. 49:3-4). If you engage in premarital sex, you are disobeying God’s command of purity and you will pay for it by living a life of misery and struggle until you come to Christ.
13) You risk missing out on purpose:
If you check out God’s Word, most of the people He used mightily were virgins. Think of Mary or Rebecca, the “daughters who prophesied” or even Esther (Lk. 1:26-27, Gen. 24:15-16, Acts 21:9, Esth. 2:2,7-8). And not just the females. Think also of Joseph, Job and many of them out there who were sexually pure (Gen. 39:7-10, Job 31:1-2 AMP). They got God’s kudos and approval and He used them for His work.
If you choose to engage in premarital sex, it becomes harder for you to witness to others unless God has really worked on you. Imagine telling others not to do what you have already done. A rude student may ask you to “practice what you preach.” If others were
looking up to you as an example, you risk failing them. And you would not like to have a millstone tied around your neck as you are thrown into the Pacific, will you? (Matt. 18:6)
It is true that it is not about us, but God. But there is a reason why Paul would say, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1 paraphrased). If the way we lived our lives were not so important, then this statement should as well as have been “scrapped” off the Bible (permit me to say that). So you can see that there really is a need for one to abstain from sexual immorality.
Finally, does it mean that because you may have fallen, you are now completely worthless and can never fulfill your purpose again? No. Not at all. Rahab, the woman who committed adultery, and even the prodigal son are notable biblical examples of the lavish mercies of God toward those who fall short (Josh. 2ff; Matt. 1:5; Heb. 11:31, Jn. 8:1-11, Lk. 15:11-32). And you know what? We all fall short. So, don’t feel hopeless. Just cry out to God and ask Him to help you (Lk. 19:10). Tell Him to give you your identity which is only found in Him and not in your past deeds. He will come to you and help you because He loves you. Now, that’s for sure.
And just so you know, He’s a Master Sculptor who can take your broken pieces and make it into a quintessential wonder to the world. It’s not too late for you. Just cry out!
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