16 QUALITIES THAT CAN MAKE A WOMAN REJECT A MAN

16 QUALITIES THAT CAN MAKE A WOMAN REJECT A MAN

A concerned friend of mine wanted to ask a lady out. He was scared of being rejected, so he asked me a question. In his words, he said, “What qualities can make women reject men?” I gave him some advice. But I thought it necessary to make an extended piece about it. So here you have it.

I know what it feels like to be rejected. No one likes it. It hurts. While every person has their preferences for qualities that may be a turn-off for them when choosing a partner, I decided to list these common but deep-seated ones. I pray it be of tremendous help to you. So, do read on, bachelor.

These qualities that can make a woman reject you as a man are:

1. You are not godly or spiritually mature

Yes indeed! So you may know it or not but many ladies – especially godly ladies – will desire like-minded men to partner with in their journey through life. This is expedient because the Bible cautions us not to be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14-16).

While there may be rare cases where these turn out to be successful, they are what they are: rare. I have seen countless marriages where a lady got married to an unbelieving spouse and she had to pay for it the hard way. No lady will want the same thing for her future.

And please, this is not because all unbelievers are not good morally. It is simply because you both will not see things from the same perspective on many issues. And you know that agreement is key for progress (Amos 3:3). So, if you are a young man who wants to court a sincere, godly lady, ask yourself if you are godly too.

Again, it’s not just about being godly. Some men are godly but are babies spiritually (permit me to say that). It’s almost the same thing. If you still see things like a baby, then a mature, godly woman may reject your interest in her simply because she believes you will not be on the same page on many issues. And because you are the man who is meant to lead her, she stands a risk of becoming stunted herself. Dare to grow! (1 Cor. 14:20)

2. You lack a trustworthy character

Now, you may have a form of godliness, but if your character stinks, then a well-meaning lady will also reject you. Are you a man who keeps to his word? Are you a man who is dependable? Can you be trusted enough not to disappoint? Are you kind, patient, and respectful – not just to her but to her family, too? Are you a man of integrity? (Titus 2:6-8)

A well-meaning godly lady will desire a man who lives out his Christ-like attitude in both words and deeds, not just either of them. It shows her that you are responsible as a head and you have the capacity, with her and God’s help, to raise a home that is radiant with the same values.

3. You lack a strong vision and purpose for your life

If you are a man who drifts in life without having a clear purpose that is greater than your life, then many ladies will reject you. If you are not visionary about your own life, how can you be about hers and that of your kids? A lady will want to see where your life is heading and if she can be a part of it. But if that is lacking in your life, well, what can I say? While it’s true that we are led by God, God wants us to see beyond (Gen. 13:14-18).

The Bible tells us that where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint (Prov. 29:18). I tried looking up what restraint means, and it means “caution, control.” To cast it off means that you just live a life without secure control or caution. And you know how it goes: a city without walls has no future. No lady would want that.

4. You lack a sense of responsibility

Ah, here’s a thing. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility. And that’s true – whether you would like to hear it said or not. If you are reckless about your finances, have poor saving and investing habits, and complain all day long about your bills, how do you expect a woman to want to be with you?

Worse is when you can get a job but you intentionally stay idle at home waiting for your partner-to-be or her parents to come through for you. Don’t stare in shock. Some people are like that. I’m not saying a lady you are interested in cannot help you get a job or support your career. What I am saying is that you should be able to give her that confidence so she can vouch for you.

Being a responsible person, financially and otherwise will not start when you are ten years down the line in your marriage. It will start from now that you are single and have the time to build yourself (Lk. 16:10). I am telling you that if you do not, then you will keep getting rejections. Of course, you must not be the wealthiest person in the town, but you can be the most responsible, future-forward male in your city.

5. You are poor at personal hygiene and self-care

While it is true that physical attraction should not be all that there is, I doubt that anyone is attracted to a dirty, unkempt person. No one is saying you have to look or smell like a model, but be intentional about basic self-care. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, smell nice, and even tie your shoelaces. They might not mean anything to you, but failure to do this might be a turn-off for someone interested in you.

Truly, you must not have everything or fake it to impress, but you can be simple and neat. Make her feel excited to be associated with you. Otherwise, the notion would be: if he cannot even take care of himself, how can he take care of me?

6. You find it difficult to lead or make decisions 

If, as a young man, you are indecisive about everything, and you find it difficult to lead yourself or, say, your younger ones or junior colleagues, it may be hard for a woman to commit to you. This is because a man is supposed to be the leader of a home (Eph. 5:23), but when you cannot do it, you can let the female take undue control, which will become a problem later on.

A godly lady would not even want to start with you, so she does not end up taking your place.  Although this does not mean dominance or control where you start trying to intrude into every area of a lady’s life, it sure means service, empathy, inclusivity and gentleness even as you exercise control.

This sort of control should make the lady see you as someone who desires the best for her, not someone who wants to suppress her. Lead and love like Christ (Eph. 5:25-33, Matt. 20:28). Be confident, but let it not pass for arrogance and pride.

7. You are an angry-bird

If you have a hot temper, you have to deal with it as quickly as you can. Do you know that the Bible warns us not to make friends with a hot-tempered person (Prov. 22:24-25)? Imagine what He would say about a hot-tempered partner! If you cannot control yourself when your call is missed, what would happen if your wife comes back home late from work (when it is truly not her fault)?

You have to be intentional about dealing with anger issues. While it is true that there are times you would get angry as a matter of fact, you can always trust God to not let your anger be a reason why you sin or do something that you would regret (Eph. 4:26-27). Ask God to help and deliver you from every spirit of anger before it costs you the one you love.

8. You lie to get what you want

Is this not common? So because you desire a lady, you come in the name of your rich best friend’s uncle and say all manners of things about you that are still fantasies just so you can be accepted. First of all, a truly godly lady can tell when you are lying. The Holy Spirit is a Master Revealer of hearts (Acts 1:24).

However, if you manage to convince any gullible one, what do you think she would do when she realizes that it is all a farce? If you are already doing this, kindly desist from it. Lies help no one. It is the devil’s language and we are not his children (Jn. 1:12, 8:44). Good, noble relationships are built on originality and trust.

9. You are a poor communicator

As was said in the point above, as a man, you should be open, honest, and show empathy when communicating. No one likes lies or some tough I-have-got-it-all-covered attitude. To connect means to communicate. And to communicate means to share your life with the one you want to accept you.

Of course, you should be wise. But I believe that as a mature person who is led by God’s Spirit, you will know what to say. Be clear as you communicate your feelings. Don’t let the lady assume what you mean or don’t mean. And please, be bold enough to declare your feelings by yourself. Your friends can help. But there will be a time that it will be just the two of you.

Again, do not be a “boring” communicator. Be someone your intending partner looks forward to conversing with. And do not call a thousand times a day or one time in two weeks. Get it?

10. You are not emotionally intelligent

When someone converses with you, they want to feel safe, secure, and wanted, not judged, condemned, and belittled. Do not be emotionally dead or disinterested when you desire somebody you love. You are a human being created in God’s image with a whole bunch of emotions (Gen. 1:27).

You need to feel for and be able to empathize with a lady you care for (Gal. 6:2). Do not dismiss any heartfelt thought as just another random crybaby moment. And don’t be such a macho all the time yourself.

11. You are a “dream-killer”

So, a lady shares her dreams and goals with you, and you give a detailed exegesis full of criticism of why each goal or dream won’t work. Of course, I understand that it’s good to be circumspect, but when it becomes pessimism, you are not someone one can build with.

Marriage should fulfill your individual dreams as partners and your corporate dream as a couple. If you cannot offer support or constructive criticism, then a lady will surely reject you. No one likes what sparks a God-lighted fire in their hearts dampened or quenched with a waterfall!

12. You are overprotective and too possessive 

Yes, yes. I get it. You want to be there for the one you love. That’s admirable. But be careful so it does not come off as overprotectiveness. You can be protective but still let the lady “breathe” as my folks will say around here. It can be annoying when you are over-possessive or you get jealous for no good reason.

It makes a lady feel like a property who has no life. If you want a lady to accept you, relax. Do not be on edge anytime you see someone else around her. Of course, you should be watchful too. But I know that if a truly godly lady wants to be with you, then it really doesn’t matter what others say to her. She will accept you. Relax.

13. You have no respect for her boundaries

A truly godly lady has boundaries that matter to her. If you are showing, for example, that you just want a fling with her and you are not interested in something serious, then she may never want you.

Also, her boundaries may include things like no sex, no kissing, or no obscene language (1 Cor. 6:18, Col. 3:8). Take it as what it is. Do not start judging or belittling her for it. It is a huge turnoff.

14. You are unfaithful 

Okay, let us say you are asking her out, right? While she considers your request, her excited friends all gather to let her in on the wonderful gentleman who is also asking them out. As they share info about this glorious gentleman, they find out that this gentleman is actually “you.”

How do you think that is going to sound? If you cannot keep yourself faithful before marriage, what’s the guarantee that you will after marriage? She will so turn you down – and so will her friends!

15. You find it difficult to give

Now, don’t just think about money alone. Many things can be given – like gifts, a listening ear, words of affirmation, quality time, energy, and a commitment to see the one you are interested in growing. There is no genuine godly female who will despise someone willing to see her grow – except for other reasons you may not know.

Think of thoughtful ways to genuinely make the person you are interested in happy (Heb. 10:24). Yes, they must not be big, state-of-the-art things. Simple yet thoughtful things create the most meaningful connections.

16. You are allergic to the word “growth”

Yes, I will end these points with this. While it’s true that you are not perfect and you may not have all of the qualities listed above, a lady should see that you are making a genuine effort to grow. Emphasis on “genuine” because it can be a charade to get her to like you because you have observed her values. Just be yourself. Be original. Everyone is a work in progress. You may not have it all, but that’s why one of the characteristics of living things is growth. Grow! (2 Cor. 3:18)

To end this, I have listed a couple of qualities that you may have that may make the women that you are interested in reject you. This is not to say that if you are rejected, it is a dead end, or you are unworthy. Sometimes, it is just a signal for more growth, or at times, it may be that you read the wrong signals and God wants you to look elsewhere.

Other times, it may not be any fault of yours. You may not just be the right person for her. And no, that’s not to say that there is something wrong with you. God will lead you to the right person with time. So yeah, keep looking. Keep growing. Keep trusting. And to the ladies in the house, know that no one is perfect. Trust God to know when it’s time and when he is the right one. Oh, and be the kind of person you want to see in your partner.

With love from a heart that cares,

Mene.

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