6 WAYS TO FOSTER A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
Introduction
Experience they say is the best teacher. As a young couple, a few months into our marriage, my husband needed to pursue a career that separated us for two years. As a young woman, I found it difficult to accept this reality at first because I found it challenging and overwhelming. I was pregnant with our first child and you will agree with me that a first-time pregnant woman needs all the care in the world. I accepted this as the will of God and saw the need for him to go because it would benefit us as a family in the long run.
Today, couples get separated (not for divorce purposes) due to career opportunities, educational pursuits or other life circumstances. You will agree with me that marriage was established for Companionship and other reasons for marriage are birthed under companionship, procreation, and redemption as seen in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Genesis 2:18, Psalms 127:3, Genesis 9:1.
As beautiful as seeking greener pasture is, it can have adverse effects on your home if not well managed, through the help of God. Lots of couples failed due to staying apart from their spouses for a very long time. Therefore, for Christian couples facing this journey, here below are six principles that helped me and pulled me through those moments. These principles are biblically rooted and will help you both maintain sanctity and strengthen your long-distance relationship.
1. Prayer
2. Communicating with Transparency
3. Patience and Perseverance
4. Foster Spiritual Intimacy
5. Stay around Godly Friends
6. Build Trust through Faithfulness
1. Prayer
During my moments of separation from my spouse, I was fortunate to watch a movie titled, “War Room”. This movie helped in sharpening my prayer life. As a believer, you will agree with me that prayer is essential for all aspects of our lives including our relationships. How then can you engage prayer as a tool? Create time to connect through prayers. During those years my husband was away, we created time for daily prayers, a suitable time for both of us. There is a level of connection that prayer establishes. We enjoyed this connection while we were apart. Create time for prayer with your spouse irrespective of how tight your schedule is. Create time to jointly connect with God. Remember, it is important to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17).
2. Communicating with Transparency
For any relationship to thrive, there must be effective communication. This is vital in any relationship, but it becomes even more crucial in a long-distance relationship. Even though my husband wasn’t where I was then, there was no single day we had nothing to discuss. You both must have transparent, foster-open, and honest discussions. Share your daily experiences, challenges, fears, struggles, joy, and achievements. By doing this, you feel very close and know everything about your spouse.
The Advent of technology has improved everything. Therefore, use technology wisely by engaging it in bridging the gap between the two of you. This can be done through emails, video calls or voice calls on WhatsApp, Facebook, and lots more. Prioritize quality conversations that can deepen your connection. Ephesians 5:21-33 emphasizes on mutual selflessness that both a husband and wife should have for each other. Both of you should care about each other, communicate your needs, and have every other discussion that can help your relationship.
3. Patience and Perseverance
Patience is a virtue and it’s often tested in long-distance relationships as longing for Companionship can be overwhelming at times. There are days I felt like being around my husband but I embraced patience knowing that he was away for a good reason. I understood the need to persevere because it’s just a phase and it will pass. As a couple and a believer, you both should lean on God’s grace, and embrace patience and Perseverance during the period of separation. Trust God for his perfect timing and purpose for your marriage with a strong faith that waiting on God will ultimately bring about His best for your home. Use the moment of separation to grow individually and as a couple, it’s not a moment to misbehave and do things unpleasing to God. Your endurance should produce character and hope (Romans 5:3-4).
4. Foster Spiritual Intimacy
As we both desired to unite sexually, we understood the danger of feeding our sexual desires more. We understood that continually reminding each other of our sexual needs while apart could be very dangerous. We asked for the help of the Holy Spirit to help us build more on our spiritual intimacy. We fed each other spiritually through the word of God, and daily, we shared revelations as we studied the Scripture.
We prayed together, organized fasting days, and ensured we both were faithful to it. Also, we fostered our emotional and intellectual intimacy, even from a distance. We invested quality time to know each other’s hearts, dreams, and innermost thoughts. This in turn strengthened the bond of love that transcends physical distance. Therefore, as couples, this should be practiced by you. Feed your spirit with spiritual food, spiritual exercise is valuable in every way (1 Timothy 4:8).
5. Stay around Godly Friends
Bad company corrupts good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33). Keeping unbelievers as friends can be very dangerous in this kind of situation. Lots of people have been misled by unbelievers. They were lured into cheating on their spouses which in turn jeopardized their homes and tampered with their relationship with God. Instead of having unbelievers as friends, connect with godly friends who encourage a love for God and your spouse, friends who encourage you to serve God, win souls, and remain patient and prayerful during the moment of separation from your spouse. Keeping friends with unbelievers can be dangerous and disastrous. The scripture warns us that he who thinks he stands should take heed lest he falls (1 Corinthians 10:12). The companion of fools shall be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20). Therefore, walk with the wise (believers) so that you can please God while waiting.
6. Build Trust through Faithfulness
For any relationship to be regarded as healthy, there must be trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Stay faithful to your spouse. Be loyal to your spouse by avoiding situations that could compromise trust. Constantly reaffirm your commitment to each other. I remind my husband of my faithfulness to our vows constantly and he does the same.
We refused to lean on our strength but we leaned on God to help us remain faithful to each other because He is the ultimate source of trustworthiness and He is more than capable of strengthening the bond of trust between you and your partner. Ask for His help and grace to remain faithful to your spouse. Proverbs 3: 3-4 instructs that you should never allow love and faithfulness to leave you; bind them around your neck and write them on the tablet of your hearts and you will win favor before God and Man.
In conclusion, fostering a long-distance relationship requires being intentional, strong in faith in God, and a commitment to a kind of love that is God-centered. Therefore, as couples, embrace these six principles rooted in the wisdom of God because it will help you navigate the challenges of separation with trust, grace, and the assurance of God’s presence and provision every step of the way. My prayer is that your love will continually grow stronger, even across the miles, as you both journey together in faith and love, even while away from each other. Amen!
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