So, it’s official. Almost everyone in love in the 21st century feels the urge to “prove” their love. And no, please don’t think that when I say, “prove,” it means that one lad in love gets to give his fiancée a surprise visit at her parents’ house on a ranch somewhere out of town. Or that he happens to surprise her with the stilleto she has always craved for. Or even that he takes her on an adventure round the world.
What do I mean then? “Proving” your love to your partner can mean a million things. But most commonly in my place, when two lovebirds are in a relationship and one partner asks for proof to show that his (her) significant other really loves or is committed to him (her), he (she) is indirectly asking for both of them to have sex (Ouch, did I really say that out loud? My bad.)
But then, it’s no new news to be candid. The internet is flooded with so much about sex. I am sure you hear it amongst your peers. It’s not hidden from TV and many video tapes. Did I forget the banging music in your headphones or the craziness on social media? To be frank, I bet an average five-year-old has an idea of what sex is. These days, we are even told that sex is a way to keep healthy. Of course, this may or may not be true. But with this info overload, the ripple effect is that so many now believe sex outside marriage to be the norm. It’s a common thing.
In our Gen Z era where almost everybody finds nothing wrong with sex outside the confines of marriage, it is easy to drift with the flow. Standing firm places you on the offensive. You’re now looked at as the holier-than-thou monk or nun. Occasionally, these questions may skedaddle in your mind: Why should you be the odd one out – in everything, including the issue of sex?! Why the talks? Why the preaching? Why can’t you just enjoy your freedom like everybody else?
My answer is simple: Because you are unique (1 Pet. 2:9). And also because there’s Someone in and with you who loves you and cares that you are making a difference (Jn. 3:16, 1 Cor. 3:16-17).
With that said, this paper will explore the reasons behind you wanting to have sex before you say, “I do,” and hopefully in the next episode tell you why that is so much of a terrible idea.
Before we start, it is good to know what sex really is. But should that be something to really talk about? C’mon, you must have had tons of knowledge on what sex is. But, let us see it from God’s perspective. What is sex? What on earth is the purpose for sex? Why did God create it? And why would he reserve it to be enjoyed only by two people who have been united before Him as one?
In the book of Genesis 1:27-28, we see God dish out a profound commandment. He says to be fruitful and multiply. Before we go further, know that this command was not just to any random set of boy and girl or to same-gendered individuals. God’s command to fill the earth was to Adam and Eve who had been united by God Himself as one (Gen. 2:21-24). They were married.
Now, if God’s command was for them to increase in number and they were just two, a mechanism had to be created for those two individuals to become the billions of people we see on planet Earth today. What was this mechanism? Sex.
So, there you have it. God Himself created sex. Not only that, but He called it good (Gen. 1:31). Uh-oh, did God really call sex good? I am sure you might wonder why God would create something as “vulgar” as sex and still say it’s good. I mean this is God – the Holy One. But this only goes to show you that God is not really against you enjoying pleasure with someone you love. Just that the condition is that you both have to be united in and before Him in marriage (Heb. 13:4, 1 Cor. 7:9). Think of sex as something good and pleasurable that God in His goodness has designed for the people He loves. God ordained oneness, yeah, and sex goes a long way to show that oneness physically.
I have often heard it said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable – and sex is not excused out of this. Because a lot of our minds have been corrupted by what sex is not and by false ideas of what it is, we often fall prey to its whims.
As I have already mentioned in passing, we get these wrong ideas about sex from a lot of sources. And it does not just end at that, but as we continue to feed our eyes and minds, the thoughts we garner arouse a desire within us to also taste of the great pleasure of sex before we commit – to our detriment. Bear in mind that the devil is an “A” student when it comes to temporal satisfaction but a failure when it comes to good and meaningful eternal rewards.
So, what really would spur you on to have sex before marriage? Find out as you read on.
1) You have never been taught what sex really is
Most people do not talk about sex. It’s seen as some vulgar, dirty, and abominable thing that should not be mentioned even in whispers. No one would just walk into a room and boldly declare, “Let’s talk about sex!” Yes, we like to keep our voices down or shut totally in silence, but the enemy does not really.
At the beginning of this piece, we stole a glance at what sex really is – the God-way. Now, many people do not really have an idea of what sex really is, its purpose, and how fulfilling it can be when in marriage. Because they have vague views influenced by a number of unwholesome factors, they may just jump into it blindly or fall prey to wolves in sheep’s clothing (Hos. 4:6).
2) You’re just curious
Yeah, you heard that right. So, everyone keeps talking about sex. It’s on TV, your favorite magazine, or even in the novel you’re reading. And just like Eve in the garden of Eden who could not help but wonder what was so special about the fruit filled with delight, you might just be wondering what the big deal is about this sex of a thing (Gen. 3:1-6). Well, why wonder when
you can get to experience it for yourself? – a first-hand, first-class experience. The sad thing is that curiosity almost always kills the cat – just like it did Eve (Gen. 3:16).
3) You’re feeding your mind with the wrong things
So, your favorite thing to watch are videos of people cuddled intimately in a passionate romance. Behind closed doors, you get on the internet and browse porn sites. The only books and magazines that appeal to you are those with crazy erotic titles. Or maybe, you’re just an innocent little girl conscious of her health and roaming the internet. You then happen to bump into an article that tells you that sex before marriage is healthy for you and that “husband-material” guys cannot stand virgins. As lovely as you are, you begin to doubt and wonder if the things said are really true.
My dear, the more you ruminate on these thoughts, chances are that you’ll be tending towards the direction of pre-marital sex. The more you view, the more those thoughts cloud your mind. Now, there’s a heavy downside to this. First, you are a sum total of your constant thoughts (Prov. 23:7). And when your mind is polluted, you have exchanged Christ’s mind in you with that of the devil. And so, the devil finds a new playground in your mind. Imagine what havoc he’d wreak. And just so you know, I doubt that God would like a tug-of-war with the devil when you have clearly shown whose side you’re on.
4) You chose the wrong buddies (1 Cor. 15:33)
Okay, so Nikki runs into your room, hops on your bed, and whispers just how much of a fun time she had with her boo the night before. She then leaves your room, while still humming a love song which echoes silently till you can’t hear her footsteps anymore. You know what just happened? The enemy just planted a seed – tiny, yet determined to thrive.
A few minutes into the night, Eddy calls. After talking, he sends a “Love ya so much. Can we hook up tonight?” You’re worried. It’s 9 pm. What are you gonna tell your mom? Coincidentally, your eyes glance at the window – bull’s eye! Before you know it, you’re little Mrs. Eddy.
5) You’re giving in to pressure
Everybody is doing it. Not a single soul on planet Earth has not had sex in his (her) life – or so you think. And because so many pop-up notifications on your screen just happen to scream something about the pleasure sex gives on a daily; or your mobile device just happens to “accidentally” place hot, exotic girls (or guys) who are “spec material” before your innocent eyes countless times, you feel you have had it already.
The kids at school tell you it’s fun. So do the teens in your youth club. And your boo keeps begging on his knees for just one time and it will be over. No, you can’t say no anymore. So you place a call forward and give the regrettable “yes.”
6) You feel you need more money
Well, truly your parents cannot afford your tuition. You and Junior can barely share leftovers each day. Your mom lies sick at home and dad is late. You have no choice. You have got to sell yourself so you can pay for what needs you have.
Truly, your situation can be genuine. And no one seems to understand. But God does (1 Cor. 10:13, Heb. 4:15). Rather than give in or stay there, raise those hands to Heaven.
7) You feel unloved and lonely
Your parents do not care about you. You’re just an unlucky guy or girl that no one loves. You’re the bullied one. The one no one gives a hoot about. Suddenly, the lady (gentleman) of your dreams comes into your yard and happens to walk to your front door. Before you know it, you have found someone who finally gets you.
The only problem is, a year later, you both would have joined the “Dads’ and Moms’ Club.”
Truly, I know of many teens and youths out there who spend their days sad and depressed. When no love is forthcoming and they have not truly experienced the richness of Christ’s love, the devil brings an alternative – with a sure mission (Jn. 10:10).
8) You want to “trap” your man
I have heard of some girls who were so desperate to get married and when they felt that their relationships were threatened, they turned to making babies for their partners in a bid to “trap” them.
Now, this is a very risky attempt. You know why? Because, of all the cases of lady “trappers,” you will discover that only very few accomplish their purpose without regrets (that’s if there are any of them at all). The guy may just end up abandoning you, breaking your heart, and wounding your child. This sets you up for disaster – on earth and in Heaven if you do not run to Jesus.
9) You’re not in control of your mind
Maybe you’re given to alcohol or drugs and yeah, night parties are a regular. Of course, when these substances becloud your mind, you’re but a pawn – a puppet who gets played, used, and dumped at any time. By the moment you’re sane again, the deed has been done.
I have heard of cases of great girls who lost it because of dope or a single sip of alcohol. No wonder the Bible tells us to be filled with the Holy Spirit and not get drunk on wine…which leads to debauchery (Eph. 5:18).
10) You can’t seem to have control over your body
Sometimes, you’re really trying. You’re really trying so hard to stay pure. But time and again, your flesh keeps calling. You try to control it, but you can’t. You want to say no, but you’re so weak-willed. You do not want to offend anyone and you cannot stand to be called the “Mary” of your town. If you do not run to Christ, then get ready for diapers.
11) You feel useless because of your past
So your mom was a stripper (forgive me). You were born out of wedlock. You stayed with your uncle who abused you for years and now you feel worthless. Since you feel like trash, you feel that the best way to hide your guilt, shame, and low self-image is to just offer yourself to anyone who comes your way.
My dear, this may have been your story but it does not have to be – at least not anymore. But the answer is not me, it’s not even this article. It is Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 5:17)
12) You just want to have fun!
Yeah. Sex is pleasurable. And that’s just what you want. It sounds like so much fun. And why on earth should anyone hinder you? It’s your life after all – or so you think. Besides, your mom is never at home and your “spineless” dad can go to the ends of the earth for all you care. To make matters sweeter, contraceptives are readily available these days.
I’ve got a little something you’d like to hear. You know, God never said, “Stay caged and never be independent.” In fact, He has called you to be free! But hey, just be careful that God does not meet you on that bed – He’s already seeing you – all that you do (Eccl. 11:9).
And it’s a wrap on this piece. I genuinely pray that God opens your eyes to His truth that has the power to set you free (Jn. 8:32). You know, the devil will not really tell you what you think or already know is a lie. He will take God’s truth and manipulate it so you think God is the liar. But hey, Jesus will help you, if you will just reach out to Him in sincerity and faith.
From a heart that loves you and desires to see you become that glorious personality God beams at every single day, thank you and God bless you.
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