10 CREATIVE WAYS YOUR WORDS CAN SUSTAIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
People go through a lot these days. It’s not so easy at the office, nor is it at the local market. Keeping up with relatives, friends, and colleagues has its fair share of demands, too. You never can tell when you will get so frustrated that you lash it all out on others. And most times, your partner gets the best (or better still, worst) part of the caustic verbal treatment.
Whether we admit it or not, words indeed wield power. Have you ever considered why the Scripture is called God’s Word? Yeah. I think about that a lot. God’s Word is God speaking to us to help us become who He wants us to be – great people! This should be the goal of the use of words in any relationship – for the benefit of those who listen (Eph. 4:29). Your words should make your partner better, not bitter (1 Thess. 5:11).
Since we have established that words can mar, but they can also make. They can hurt, but they can also heal; we are confronted with this question: how can we use our words in a way that glorifies our Father in Heaven and still helps us build up the ones we love and, hence, sustain our relationships?
That would be the focus of this article. This piece will guide you practically on ways by which you can build and sustain your relationship through the power of the words you speak. I pray it blesses your heart.
With that said, these practical ways are:
Practical Ways to Use Words to Build and Sustain Your Relationship are
1. Speak words of appreciation and gratitude
We are in a love relationship with God. He gets excited when we trust Him to meet our needs, but He gets even more excited when we show gratitude and appreciation (1 Thess. 5:18). And this is not only for the good things He does for us but even for those things that seem bad. This is because we trust His love for us.
You may know it or not, but your partner may be battling with a lot. It could be stress or even an insatiable desire to make you happy. One way you can use your words to build your relationship is to acknowledge the things you see your partner doing. And not just keep it in your mind, but say it to them. Try saying, “I see the work you have put into our kids, and I appreciate you for that.” Or, “I appreciate you for always driving me to work,” or “Thanks for always making
mealtime my favorite time of the day!” This can make your partner smile. But beyond that, it will make him or her do more and love you better.
2. Ask open-ended questions
One great way to spark a connection between two people is to engage them in deep conversation. A great way to achieve this is to ask open-ended questions. In God’s Word, there are times when Jesus would ask, “Who do people say I am?” (Mk. 8:27, Matt. 16:13). I am sure He did not ask this because He was shaky about His identity but because He intended to engage His friends so they would know Him for who He really is.
It’s the same in a relationship. When you go the extra mile to ask questions like “How are you really?” Or “How was work today?” Or “What are you currently facing?” Or “What was the highlight of your day?” You pave the way for open and honest communication. Beyond that, it can be helpful when dealing with conflicts. Your partner may never open up and may be dying slowly not unless you intentionally engage him or her in a conversation.
But you know what, it does not just end there. You have to ask the questions and then listen actively with eye-contact. That’s why it’s called a conversation and not a monologue.
3. Be vulnerable and express your feelings
Vulnerability can be hard, no doubt. Seeing your partner’s good side is easy, but what happens when he is weak and needs you, or you are weak and you need him? This is where as partners, you have to be vulnerable and express your feelings. If your partner has taken the first step to engage you in a conversation, then it would be a waste of time and effort if you shut the door to your heart.
If there was a relationship that set God’s heart on fire, it was definitely that of King David. And why, you may ask? It’s simply because he did not fake it. He said it as he felt it. And yeah, God will not despise a broken heart (Ps. 51:17). I doubt your partner will too. Even though you may need to be cautious at times, do not hold back your feelings but express them maturely and cordially, so you do not end up making the situation worse.
It will also be of great help when you acknowledge and admit your mistakes to your partner (Prov. 28:13). Pride is a bad master (Prov. 16:18). Say words like, “Hey, darl. I see what I did was wrong. Can we talk about it?” Or “I’m sorry for how I shouted at your parents the other day. Can you please forgive me?” When you express your feelings deeply and admit your mistakes, you connect on a deeper level and your relationship grows.
4. Validate your partner’s feelings
Now that you have heard what your partner has to say, do not rush to use words like, “That was so stupid of you.” Or “How can you think like that?” Truth be told, there are some feelings that sound outright “stupid” to us, but that is why God desires us to extend grace (Gal. 6:2). After listening actively, you can say things like, “I know how you feel,” or “I never knew you were struggling with this. How can I help?”
When you think this way, you will make your partner feel wanted and also that he or she is a huge part of your life. We love Jesus because when we speak our feelings to Him, although they may be wrong at times, He still listens to everything, and He understands (Heb. 4:15). Yes, you may not be Jesus per se, but you can learn from Him. That’s what we have been called to do (Matt. 11:29).
5. Speak words of affirmation
Throughout God’s Word, we see words like, “You can do it. Do not be afraid. I am by your side. You are loved by me. I would give nations in exchange for you. I am your Helper,” and so many other lovely words that encourage and build us up. Just like words of appreciation discussed earlier, words of affirmation are also key especially when that is your partner’s love language (Prov. 12:25).
Words like, “I’m proud of you. You do this so well,” “You have got this. Trust me,” “You can do this. I believe in you,” can set your partner’s heart on fire even when there’s fear. Consider saying these words even when others are around, especially when they are compliments of things your partner is naturally shy of about himself or herself. It builds trust and confidence, boosts self-esteem, and works wonders – always!
6. Discuss your future together
I believe one thing that keeps us hopeful in our love relationship with God is a promise of an eternal future with Him (1 Cor. 15:19, Jn. 14:2). This keeps us dogged and resilient even in times when we feel like crashing. You know what? This applies to your relationship, too. On a sunny day at the beach, sit down together as you sip your coconuts and ask each other what your dreams and goals are.
Everyone has a dream and gets very interested when they get to share it with people who truly care to listen. Beyond that, it makes your partner feel involved and will make him or her committed to you because he or she can see a beautiful future ahead, not some bleak “STOP” sign on the “nowhere lands.” Ask yourselves, “Where do you see us in five years to come?” “What are your plans for our future?” “How can I help you achieve your dreams?” Then do not condemn your partner or laugh at him or her sarcastically, but encourage, and yeah, go for it!
7. Speak words of comfort and reassurance
It can be easy to get sidetracked on the road to being more or doing more. Sometimes, life happens and you just don’t feel yourself or the relationship anymore. In times like these, speaking words of comfort and reassurance is key (2 Cor. 1:4). Speak life-giving statements such as “We’re in this together. I’ve got your back.” “I’m holding your hands and I’m never letting you go.” “When I said, ‘I do,’ I meant every word.” Then do as you have said. With hands locked in each other’s and God holding you up, you’re bound to face every storm and sail through the crashing waves.
8. Express your concerns in an honest, transparent way
What comes to my mind as I write this is Queen Esther in the Bible. Her husband had unknowingly signed the annihilation of her people. She could have chosen to keep shut, probably begin the silent treatment, or perhaps become bitter. In a worse scenario, she would have just run away. However, because she was as brave as you are, she chose to face the situation head-on. She scheduled a banquet and with words mixed with wisdom, she let her partner in on the plan. And can you guess the end? She was honored, and her people were saved (See Esther 4-8). I’m pretty sure she continued to enjoy a loving relationship with her partner.
The same goes for you, too. There’s a wise way you can use your words when you’re dissatisfied with what is happening in your relationship. You can choose to nag, but then you’d be no different from a leaking rooftop (Prov. 19:13). Or you can choose the path of the royals like Esther and use words mixed with wisdom to effect positive change. When something’s wrong, you can say, “Hey darl, will you be free today? I think we need to talk.” You can even choose to send a well-constructed text Then you can proceed to express your feelings and do all we’ve talked about. Remember, royals are wise. And hey, your Father is a King (Jn. 1:12)!
9. Speak words of pure romance
Ever felt chills down your spine when your partner said, “I love you,” or “You mean the world to me,” or “I could have asked for no one better?” I’m sure you have. There’s a way the words you speak can lead you to enjoy a good romance with your partner. And romance must not always be sex, though that’s a part of it. It could be that date on a Friday night when you share all your crazy ideas, or that walk to the grocery store where your hands are locked in each other’s, or even that moment when you watch a nice movie together. Hey, don’t quench the fireflies. Let them spark!
10. Give each other nicknames
I read a book this year called “Falling into Love,” and boy, it was terrific! One thing that got me was their use of weird but lovely nicknames to reach out to each other. What’s that thing you love about your partner? What’s that name you can call him or her that will not bring criticism but build a deeper connection? Hey, you do not have to rack your brain. I feel it comes organically. Enjoy each other. The names will come. Then just use them. You will love what you see. And oh, how I love love. You should too!
Okay, so we have gone through a list of practical ways to use words to build and maintain relationships. Before we conclude, I feel that it is necessary that if we say the kinds of words to use, we should also say the kinds of words we should not use, right?
So then, do not speak these:
Words of blame, criticism, dissatisfaction, comparison, discouragement, and you name it. It does not mean that you will not experience situations that will make you prone to use these words. It only means that even in those moments, you will choose to speak life. And God will help you, my dear.
Finally, there’s always a better way to speak. And you cannot but imagine the power of the words you speak (James. 3:5-10, Prov. 15:4, 16:24). Imagine that it’s your faith and an “I believe” confession that gets you to be by God’s side one day. The power in your words can be used for something greater in your relationship and even life in general. But the key is to intentionally use them well. Take your cue from this verse:
Col. 4.6 – Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
With all said and done, stay salty. Speak life. You’re loved!
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