14 Ways To Resolve Marital Conflicts - How To Resolve Marital Conflicts, Part 1

Understanding The Essence Of True Love – 10 Qualities Of Godly Love, Vol 1



Understanding The Essence Of True Love – 10 Qualities Of Godly Love, Vol 1

When they finally divorced, did you know what happened? They just lied to each other. Yeah, I know things happen. I know life happens and things take a different turn. But let’s be sincere, they who said ’till death do us part’, just realized they lied to themselves because they parted ways before death. It isn’t it? Some couples even said ‘together in bad times or good times’ but left when times were bad. Did they not lie to each other? Come on, talk to me. They lied to themselves. Or should we define what a lie is? I better don’t go there at all, for that would only accentuate the obvious.

Understanding The Essence Of True Love - 10 Qualities Of Godly Love, Vol 1

Needless to justify who left or establish who particularly lied and broke the vow, a situation like this makes you think how unstable the human heart is when it comes to love. No wonder the Bible says that the human heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9). The human heart can do the worst when least expected. It can fail you when you solely depend on it. Doesn’t this stimulate the thoughts?

It makes you think why on earth should lovers become haters? It can even create a certain degree of fear in the hearts of potential lovers. But when one cogitates and asks the right question why would sincere lovers who once stood for each other go their separate ways. One might come to the conclusion that they in question might not have understood the meaning and essence of true love.

And understanding the essence of true love, the qualities of Godly love, the intrinsic nature of true love, brings us back to the source of true love. What is the source? God.

Yes, you heard me right. God is the source of true love. For He is love. Love starts with God. We are going to talk about the essence of true love, the qualities of godly love; and consider its intrinsic nature, its potent qualities and then apply what we’ve learned to our earthly love which helps with the formation of relationships and marriages.

Understanding The Essence Of True Love - 10 Qualities Of Godly Love, Vol 1

Understanding the essence of true love will ultimately empower us to love better, stay longer in marriage and overcome impediments and triggers to divorce. Let’s start right away!

Yes, I mentioned above what the Bible tells us that God is love, but also adds that whoever walks in love knows God (1 John 4:7-8). Does this mean that he who believes in God is a perfect lover? No, I didn’t say that. But he who believes in God is a potential perfect-lover because godly children or those who claim to know God are those who are walking in the love of God. To walk with God is to walk in the love of God. And to walk in the love of God is to manifest love the way that God does manifest it. And how does God manifest love? The Bible tells us how.

It says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). This takes us to the first quality of godly love:

1) Godly love is the highest degree of love

“For God so loved the world.” you see, the world is seen as the enemy of God, which includes all sinners, those who’ve sinned or are living in sin. And all of humanity falls in this category. We were all sinners before God came to our rescue. But before he rescued, He had loved.

And the greatest love you can give out is to love your own enemy when he is an enemy. Not necessarily when he turns to accept or acknowledge you but when he is in active support against you and the cause you stand for. Well, that’s what we all were to God at one point in time.

God’s highest degree of love is seen when He loved the world, all of us sinners, and even facing the cross for us. For the Bible says that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Did you see that? While we were still sinners, God loved us (Romans 5:8). He didn’t condemn us, He loved us and died for us. He didn’t criticize us, He loved us and died for us. He didn’t ignore and abandon us, He loved us and died for us. He didn’t gossip about us, He loved us and died for us. He didn’t divorce or flee from us, He loved us and died for us. What an example!!

But wait a minute! The good news is that the same love has been shared upon our hearts (Romans 5:5), and we, now, today, have the ability to love our enemies as God loved us. No! You don’t have to love as they do in your culture or nation or church, but love as God loves people, us. Yes, You can!

Jesus rightly says to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” (Matt 5:44-45). Luke says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (6:27-28). Loving your enemy is the highest manifestation of love which is only possible through the love of God in your heart.

Now, put your spouse in this context. You can see now that you can love your spouse because God cannot ask you to do something which you just couldn’t. That would make Him be a liar, isn’t it? But He is not a liar. He said you should love because you actually can love your spouse right with the measure of love that He shared upon your heart. See it! It’s right there as said in Romans 5:5.

If your spouse is your enemy and is persecuting you, you can love your enemy-spouse and pray for those (spouses) who persecute you. Why? Because God said so and it’s possible. Yes, you can.

Is your spouse cheating on you, cursing and hating you for no reason? You can do good to those who hate you (this includes the hating spouse), bless those who curse you (this includes the cursing spouse) and pray for those who mistreat you (the disrespectful and cheating spouses). Why so? Because God said so (Luke 6:27-28), and it’s possible. Yes, you can! For you are God’s children with His love ability in you. The essence of true love is the degree to which it can manifest love. And Godly love is the highest degree of love. Manifest it to its highest degree so that you may be children of your Father in heaven (Matt 5:44-45).

Continue reading with part 2, click here. part 2, click here.


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About the author

Charles E. Is an author, a journalist, a relationship pundit and site administrator.
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Till death do us part. Yes, this is what every couple said to themselves right there at the alter smiling at each other. But after that ring slipped into their fingers and then into the marriage, things starts getting a U-turn, lives regrets like, “How on earth did I get to marry you!?”, “I hate you!”, “You cheated on me!.”, “I should have known about you!”, etc.

Sometimes marriage does not go the way we want. But still, promises have been made. You decided to spend your entire being with your partner. If things are not going well in your marriage, both of you need help, both of you need who to talk to, to work things out in your marriage, like a couples therapy, talking to a pastor. This helps a lot.

Yeah, it’s easier said than done. I know someone may say that. Sometimes your spouse may be your highest enemy on earth. Yeah, you guys can take a break. But then, it does not warrant a divorce.

There are couples that have stayed very longer in their marriage, and still they do. Does anyone think that there have not been problems even a marriage threatening one? Sure! But because of the love they have for each other, they found out how to handle and deal with things. Except there was not a genuine love before marriage, God’s love.

Divorce is just not an answer to a broken home. If you divorce once, then it is likely that you may get divorced again, and for how long? I’ve seen people that have been divorced up to 3 times. Is this the best? I don’t think anyone wants that. That’s why we need to put God first in our marriage so that his love can flow down to us despite difficulty from a stubborn spouse.

God’s love is what we need for a peaceful and a blessed home else it will be very impossible to continue in marriage for long. I know this right.

I love this article. Thank you for this..


Hello Charles,  Your light on Goldy Love is very awesome for all. Some couples even said ‘together in bad times or good times’ but left when times were bad. It is the time to know how much they love each other. If they really loved each other, they would’ve never left in any situation.  I found from your post Godly love is the highest degree of love. Keep it up.


Vert true!  His Love his hard to understand as a human; could or would any of us sacrifice our child to save others.  He did!  If we could have that much love the world would be so much better.  With my children, I always conclude messages with A.L.  The first few times I wrote it out: Agape Love.  LOVE for them as the LOVE God has for all of His children. 

Did not Christ say to those that were his executioners, “Father forgive them”?
WWJD?  The answer is simple.  AH – Ask Him

Words are like arrows.  Left in the quiver they can do no harm, in a bow fully drawn they still can do no harm, BUT when released they cannot be retrieved. 

One way to keep the arrows in the quiver during a ‘discussion’ is to NOT have the ‘discussion” orally.  Buy a small writing pad. On the inside cover write ‘God forgives, so can I’  God Loves, so can I. Then during a ‘discussion’ write what you want to say the before giving it to the other person read it a couple of times.  You may change your mind about what you wrote and write something that can be ‘released’.  Tear out and destroy the ones you don’t release.  This will slow the discussions and make you think of more loving ways to express yourself.

A further note: I was going to write ‘Waiting for vol. 2 when I noticed it in your Recent Post.  I read it and have an additional comment.
In the Bible, it says ‘Turn the other cheek”.  I believe before turning the other cheek you should [in a loving way] remove the arrows from the other person’s quiver.  The way I have found that disarms the other person that has made a ‘nasty’ comment is to:
1) Get a tearful expression on your face (and slightly watery eye if you can) and
2)  say, ‘Thank you, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in months’

Believe me, it works.  The expression on their face is shock, surprise and they don’t know what to say.  Quiver emptied!
Blessings, and A.L.


Hello Feochadan, I don’t think abuse is or should be tolerated with its repetitive nature. Abuse is a crime. However, I would want Charles to comment on this thread and share his own view on it. Thanks for that very good question. 


I definitely agree with the idea of loving your enemies and praying for them.  If more so-called Christians did this, we would have much less hatred for those that just do not share our religion.  I have seen so much hatred towards Jewish, Muslim and other religious groups that these Christians will actually act violently towards them.  However, getting back to the subject of divorce, are you saying that if a husband is abusing his wife and kids that she should just stick around and pray?


Thank you Charles for the article on  understanding the essence of true love- 10 qualities of  Godly true love. This is a very important topic that I cherish as a spouse. You provided helpful information to better our couple life and also advising younger couples. It so difficult to love when the other half is misbehaving. May God help us!


Hello Charles,
John 3 vs 16 is the bible verse I call The Anchor of The Gospel. Everything surrounding the gospel of Christ is the issue of love. God himself demonstrated this love first and we are left with no option than to follow suit.
I tell believers it is impossible to serve God without love and high compassion. God’s love is the highest form of love like you rightly pointed out and if we follow it as you said in this article, issues like hatred, divorce will be far from the church.
Thanks for this great work

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