The way you think and feel matters. So does the way you perceive the world around you. Now, there was a time when if you were a macho, you were considered the perfect “A-list” paragon of health. But today, you cannot deny that to thrive, you need a healthy mind.
Developing a healthy mind is not just needed so that you can thrive. A healthy mind is also necessary if you desire a successful relationship. The state of your mind will determine the kinds of relationships you will form. And these are not just those with kith and kin, but life-long, committed relationships involving romance.
So many relationships these days are in chaos because truth be told, one or both of the partners are battling with mental health struggles. Partners are suffering from depression, trauma, anxiety, and even stress. The sad thing is that most partners do not want to bring this out to the open because of fear.
However, this piece will offer some help, by God’s grace. It will begin by looking into the key areas where mental health can affect your relationship with your partner. It will be helpful to consider each of these aspects carefully so it can serve as a guide to what may be wrong with your relationship. Better still, it can reveal that what your partner needs may just be help.
Before that, I would like to give you an idea of what mental health means.
Mental health refers to the well-being and proper functioning of an individual’s mind. It encompasses one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It influences how you think (perceive, process, and interpret information), feel (experience emotions, such as joy, sadness, or anxiety), behave (react, interact, and adapt to situations), relate (form and maintain relationships with others), and cope (manage stress, adversity, and change).
God also has something to say about mental health. And the Bible does justice to that. Although the Bible does not explicitly mention “mental health,” it tells us a lot about our minds and souls. It tells us that the content of our minds largely influences (our perception of) who we are (Prov. 23:7). God also lets us in on vital secrets as regards mental health:
– To be able to discern God’s will for us and our relationships in general, it is expedient that we have renewed minds (Rom. 12:2).
– To live abundant lives where love is central, aligning our thoughts with those of God is paramount (Phil. 4:6-9).
– Paul, as inspired by God, tells us that as children of God, we have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16).
So you can see that our minds are important. And not just any kind of mind, but healthy, renewed minds. Hence, mental health should not only be viewed as something for psychic enthusiasts or meditation gurus but also for children of God like you and me.
As you become acquainted with the idea of mental health, it would be worthwhile for you to note that mental health is not just the absence of mental illness, but it is a state of well-being that allows you to lead and live a fulfilling life. This fulfillment, or the lack of it, can have a far-reaching impact on your relationship, positively or negatively, as the case may be.
With that said, let us consider the key areas where mental health can affect your relationship. These are:
1. In the aspect of communication:
A partner battling with his/her mental health may find it difficult to articulate his/her thoughts and feelings. Conversations with such a partner can leave you confused and frustrated.
Many a time, he/she would not either want to speak to you out of fear of being termed weak or he/she would cringe at conversations where his/her weaknesses are being exposed. In other cases, mental health struggles could be expressed through defensive behaviors, which may be considered by you as rude and/or violent.
Communicating with a partner who is anxious, pessimistic, rude, and/or negative is one heck of a ride. And prolonged miscommunication could lead to problems in the relationship. However, in these times, it is important to exercise patience and win the war for the love of your life with the armor of kindness.
2. In the aspect of emotional stability
A partner suffering from mental health issues is a torrent of emotions. He/she can be happy and excited one moment, morose the next, and angry and irritated the other. It is difficult for him/her to keep his/her emotions in check and he/she can end up saying
or doing things that are out of the ordinary to you – only to regret it later on. He/she is in desperate need of your love and acceptance. The show, or lack of it, can make an impact on his/her life and the relationship in general.
Sometimes, in a bid to keep the relationship after many failed attempts, he/she may choose to suppress his/her emotions and suffer alone. The sad thing is that, in the end, he/she may end up so disconnected from himself/herself and you too. If he/she is suffering from trauma of some sort, he/she may become withdrawn or defensive in the way he/she expresses his/her emotions, making it hard for you to tell what comes next.
3. In the aspect of social withdrawal
This is by far one of the most common symptoms of mental health struggles. You can have a very excitable partner who all of a sudden decides to stay solo. Maybe you have a reserved partner, but he/she has become more reserved to a fault, to the extent that your presence is no longer a thing to marvel at.
Before you begin to wonder, know that this is not because he/she hates you. It might just be because he/she is plagued with the thought that he/she would not be accepted by you or society. He/she feels better on his/her own and he/she loses interest in the things that would have naturally brought a glimmer on his/her face.
Sometimes, it may be that he/she simply fears being looked upon as a burden. He/she fears being judged and evaluated as being wrong or out of his/her mind. This leads to him/her withdrawing and finding solace in himself/herself. This can make him/her have difficulties in forming or even maintaining healthy relationships.
It will interest you to know that he/she could also become a people-pleaser in the relationship, where your smile or frown dictates whether he/she has or has not done well. The downside to this is that he/she may be taken advantage of and it may pave way for abuse.
You, as a well-meaning partner, may even take social withdrawal by him/her as a loss of interest in the relationship. When truly, what he/she needs is a heart that feels the hurt that he/she cannot let out and arms that embrace him/her with the love of Christ (Gal. 6:2, Rom. 15:1-2).
4. In the aspect of trust and vulnerability
I know of a girl who lives in constant denial of her health challenge because there is this label on people battling with their mental health. Because of the stigma and shame
associated with mental health problems, some partners may find vulnerability difficult, especially if it was a cause for losing a relationship in prior times.
Understanding the emotions of someone who’s mentally “unhealthy” can be difficult. In the course of conversations, you can easily mistrust your partner due to him/her concealing some information. If he/she has suffered from some sort of trauma, he/she might have issues opening up or sharing his/her life with you.
Also, out of fear of abandonment, he/she may be clingy or over-possessive, which may also be perceived by you as mistrust. As dating partners, a partner suffering from mental health issues may not always remember everything or he/she may suck at following through on commitments. This has a way of impacting relationships.
5. In the aspect of physical connection and intimacy
Due to social withdrawal and untamed emotions, it can be a little difficult for you to physically connect with your partner if he/she is suffering from mental health issues. He/she may get easily aggressive or pissed off at you when you offer a hug, a pat on the back, or maybe even to hold his/her hands. This is not to say every objection to this is because of mental health issues though. It is sad to say, but mental health issues can even affect romance and sex in a marriage.
In some cases, problems with physical connection and intimacy can find their roots deeply entrenched in trauma. Some persons (especially women) may have suffered from sexual abuse when they were younger. This can trigger negative reactions in such partners when touched or spoken to erotically.
Can you imagine what must have been in the minds of Dinah and Tamar after the awful incidents that occurred in their lives? (Gen. 34ff, 2 Sam. 13ff). Save for God’s grace, any encounter with the opposite sex from those moments onward may have triggered a hurtful memory in their minds.
6. In the aspect of conflict and agreement
A partner with poor mental health is very sensitive emotionally. This can be a cause of irritation to you whether intended or not. Beyond that, such a partner may find acting on impulse the new normal. He/she may speak or blurt out things that may hurt you without realizing the impact at that moment.
Natural reactions to mental health issues like refusal to share struggles or defensiveness may be interpreted wrongly by you as your partner not wanting you to
be a part of his/her life. It may seem as though he/she is irritated by you. And this can cause conflict. I think of Job and his wife as I write this. Job was going through a considerable mental health struggle. At this time, what he needed most was support, but his perspective only seemed to cause conflict between him and his wife (Job. 2:1-10).
Struggles with mental health can also make a partner want to avoid any form of conflict whatsoever for fear of rejection or losing the relationship. Although this sounds logical, experience proves the opposite.
Partners suffering from mental health issues may struggle with accepting their worth and being overly critical of themselves. This can be a huge turn-off for potential partners, and it could result in them sinking even deeper into the mire of depression after the disappointment.
7. In the aspect of stigma and shame
Society does not make it so easy for people suffering from mental health problems to cope. This is why partners who suffer from it tend to withdraw and sometimes, even contemplate suicide when all hope is lost. A general survey will reveal that most people do not want to be associated with those suffering from mental health issues. Sometimes, it’s not just about you as the partner, but your friends and family. Out of fear, your partner may suffer alone – to his/her detriment.
8. In the aspect of outlook on the future
Mental health problems can impact your partner’s outlook on life and the future very negatively. A partner who struggles with mental health problems may or may not share dreams of a happy future and may only think of dying, just like Jonah (Jon. 4:3). This can be a hard one for you who’s crazy with excitement about what tomorrow holds.
9. In the aspect of finances
Checking out bank statements, settling debts, making budgets, and even getting and maintaining a job can be loads of work – not just physically, but mentally too. If your partner is battling with his/her mental health, he/she may find this even more enervating. Mental health issues can also lead to job loss, which could lead to a decline in the finances available for the relationship to thrive. Money does matter in our lives and relationships in general. However, mental health issues can pose a threat to this key area for the worse.
10. In the aspect of partner burnout
As a well-meaning partner who is trying so hard to understand your partner battling to cope, you can find the task quite taxing. Imagine Elkanah’s ordeal with his wife, Hannah (1 Sam. 1:5-8).
If you both have kids, coping might be even harder. You have enough problems yourselves and who can tame the tongues of nasty folks?
Many times, you may feel hopeless that you cannot solve the problem. It gets worse when you battle with thoughts of losing the one you love one day to suicide.
However, I want you to keep hope alive. Jesus reigns! And now that you are learning this, it will help you in no small way so you can know that it may not entirely be your partner’s fault. You will also be able to offer help and support.
To end this, it is worthy of note to chip in these words again: mental health struggles are not only about diagnosed mental illnesses. Every “normal” human being suffers ill health of the mind once in a while, and this can impact relationships – by far, negatively. Is there hope then? Of course, there is. But we will look deeper into that in the next article.
I pray this was enlightening. Please, do not give up hope. Your relationship can still thrive and blossom.
Á bien tôt.
Smartcouples.net © 2024. All rights reserved.
