THE POWER OF CONNECTION: 11 HELPFUL WAYS TO CONNECT WITH YOUR FAMILY
As I age every day, I have come to realize something vital. Every single person on earth – the good, bad, and ugly – has a longing. This longing is to be seen and heard. It is the longing to know that one matters. To know that one is not just a raindrop in the river of life. But let us face it. We barely even have enough time for ourselves, not to mention for others. In our quest to survive, it can be so easy for us to brush others aside.
Yes, think of that day when your spouse was trying to let you in on the details of his day. You “mm-hmmed” all through but you know you hardly listened to anything he said. Your focus was on the Google file you were to submit the next day at work. Maybe that’s too far. Can you remember your little girl shouting, “Come let’s play hide and seek, Mommy!” but you were so focused on the plates that needed your heroic intervention that you gave a dismissal to her request? Truly, if you look closely, we are all culprits to this in one way or the other.
However, it is clear that we cannot do life alone. Our ever-wise God who does not need anything or anyone is not alone. He’s triune (Jn. 17:11, Matt. 28:19). Still, He reaches down to us to have an intimate relationship with us. Can you see that God Himself wants something more? Something deeper? If He does, then it goes to show the importance of connection. And if God values connection, what can we, as imperfect as we are, need otherwise?
There is a longing by the heart – a need for community. What cures this longing is meaningful connections, first with God, then with family, friends, and/or a partner.
Hence, because we have underscored the importance of meaningful connections, the focus of this piece will be to show you ways by which you can (re)connect with the ones you love (with an emphasis on your partner and kids) for a fruitful, thriving relationship. I pray that this blesses your heart!
But before that, what does it mean to “connect?”
I most times hear the word, “connect” when electricity is mentioned. It’s a connection that brings the spark – the light, and then the warmth. Simply put, connecting with a loved one means forming and maintaining a strong emotional bond with a person, who in this case is your partner or kids. It involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a way that fosters understanding, empathy, and intimacy. The essence of connection is to get into the hearts of the ones you love and really know, understand, and value them as they do you. Relationships are way richer when there is a deep connection.
With that said, ways by which you can connect with your loved ones are:
1. Create quality time for them:
These days, it seems like 24 hours in a day is barely enough to get our jobs done, not to mention having time to meaningfully connect with others. However, if you want that strong bond in your relationship where your partner or kids feel valued and appreciate moments with you, then you have to build it intentionally.
One thing that might be helpful is to take advantage of moments that you have with your partner or kids when they are less occupied and you are too. Though in reality, it seems like we’re always occupied for some reason, you can always seize opportunities if
you really desire that connection (Eph. 5:16). Meal time is a good idea, and so are date nights and occasional walks in the park. You never know what those five minutes of conversation may bring alive.
2. Learn to be present in the moment:
It’s easy to get all caught up thinking about the next thing to do, the next person to visit, even the next meal to prepare, and you can just lose it and be absent-minded all the time. (Hey, I am guilty of this too). Unfortunately, this can creep into moments when you desire to spend time with your partner or loved one. These days, being present in the body but absent in the mind is even easier with our mobile devices. However, if you desire to build a connection, then you just have to be present at the moment.
Can you imagine how it feels when, in your moment of connection with God, you are thinking of another thing? You will find it difficult to connect with Him. There’s a reason why God has given us time for everything, you know (Eccl. 3:1). So yes, plan for the future, but do not miss moments that are worth more meaningful in the trap of absent-mindedness. Instead, enjoy them. Savor them.
3. Be vulnerable and share your feelings:
Now it’s up to you. You can choose to get all cozy and connect with your partner or kids, but if you shut up and refuse to let out what is in you, then I am sorry, for you have defeated the aim of truly connecting. I know, I know. Vulnerability is a hard thing, especially when it’s to your kid or someone you’re dating. But the truth remains that if you want to build a genuine connection, then you have to learn to be vulnerable.
You may indeed have experienced something traumatic in the past, but the Bible tells us to confess our faults to another so that we might be healed (Jas. 5:16). If you are with someone you trust, then why not be vulnerable? If anything, being vulnerable paves the
way for a deeper connection and trust. Not the other way around, as the devil may make you think. You have got this and yeah, you can do it. God’s got you!
4. Actively listen to your loved one’s perspective
Okay, so you’re all mushy sharing your deepest hurts, joys, and breakthroughs, but it can also become so easy that you keep on pouring into the conversation without letting your partner or kids share theirs, too. If you check out God’s conversation with us, it’s a two-way thing. Yes, God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him, but I strongly believe that God always desires to share His heart with us. That’s why He talks with and not to us (Gen. 17:22, Ex. 33:11). God also wants to be seen and heard – not because He needs it to add anything to who He is but because that’s what true love is all about (1 Cor. 13:5).
So then, also take time to actively listen to your partner or kid’s feelings. As stated earlier, be in the present – in the moment. Show genuine interest and ask open-ended questions that lead to a deeper connection without them feeling judged or criticized. As you show that you care and you truly listen, you will find yourselves so drawn to each other for the better.
5. Offer emotional support to them
Now, you have heard your partner or kid’s side of the story. They have poured out their hearts to you. Because you may or may not be of different personalities, you may be tempted to think, “Why on earth does he/she feel that way? What’s in someone telling you that you do not matter? She could as well just give them a piece of her mind.”
But you have to understand that people are different. Your partner or kids can also hear your feelings and think the same about your flaws. So learn to be compassionate – with your words and actions (Eph. 4:32, 1 Pet. 3:8). Offer the comfort and grace that God has
given you that you can never deserve (Ps. 145:8, Col. 4:6, 2 Cor. 1:3-4). Also, tell your partner and kids how much you love and appreciate them despite their imperfections. In doing so, you can be sure of a more meaningful, deeper connection.
6. Give a handshake from the heart
When was the last time you received a warm hug? How did you feel about it? I bet you felt valued. It’s the same here. Make it your priority to always hold your partner or kid’s hands. Give them a pat on the back and reassure them of the love you have for them. It can go a long way, believe me. Even a great kiss if you’re married or just eye contact can make them feel valued – especially if it’s their love language. Try it. You will see wonders.
7. Think of thoughtful ways to serve them
Earlier this year, I wanted to connect with my sister on a deeper level. Truth be told, it was a little difficult. But with God’s help, it was still worth it. It still is. One of the great ways God helped me do this was to intentionally think of ways I could help her, especially seeing that she is a very busy person. Have you ever thought how you’d feel if you got a note waiting for you at the office from your partner? Or a homemade meal delivered to you on a rather exhausting day at the office? I bet that you would be elated.
But beyond that, it would make you grow fonder and more loving to your partner. In the Bible, one of the ways the apostles showed love was through caring for one another. They even dished out meals (Acts 4:33-35; 6:1-7). How sweet! If a meal sounds too big a thing, how about a phone call or a text?
8. Engage in meaningful activities together
It will be helpful to make a mental picture of what your partner or kid’s favorite activities are. If you are unaware of this, take the role of a detective. Or better still, ask. A
way to build a deeper connection is to explore activities that matter to them. Sometimes, you can watch a movie together, or play golf together. Maybe you can visit her local hair salon or spa and perhaps you both can visit the gym for workouts. Maybe you know she’s crazy for crossword puzzles, why don’t you get one on your way back home? And then devote some time to truly play the game together.
You can even consider engaging in community service as a family. Please, do not just do this for the sake of it. Do not look coerced or in a hurry to go. Enjoy it and let your partner and kids enjoy you. Another helpful thing to do is to explore your dreams and goals. There’s a thing that happens to you when you share what matters most to you with the one you love. It brings you closer and gives you the support you need.
9. Create memories together
One of the activities you can engage in as a family is family reunions or special vacations and getaways where you and your family can take time to unwind and relax. Please, do not forget to bring the photographer along. Oh, did I forget?! There are mobile cameras now. Ensure to make memories. Yes, not everything needs to be posted on social media but there’s this feeling I get when I’m reminded of a memory I had years ago on Facebook. Keep and cherish memories with your partner or kids. You may never know where it is saved on their mental camera. Or when it will pop up.
10. Seek counsel together (Prov. 15:22)
There are times when things do not just seem to be going all well in your relationships. In times like these, you can explore seeking counsel together. You may wonder: I can’t get him/her to tell me how his/her day went. How on earth do I get him/her to join me at the counselor’s office? Well, in this case, it is helpful that you both, as partners, have an authority that you both submit to, apart from God. This is helpful, especially in times of conflict to bring you back together.
Again, there may not necessarily be a conflict. You can both agree to just seek counsel from a trusted counselor (most preferably, a Christian one) or mature friends and believers for the growth of your relationship. No harm in that. Never forget by the way that God should be your number one focus regardless. So if you’re both reading a book on relationships or seeking counsel from an online resource, the focus should be to honor God and not just please yourselves (1 Cor. 10:31, Col. 3:17).
11. Worship God together
Oh, how beautiful when people worship God together in unity (Ps. 133:1-3). See, our hearts are formed by God. He alone can knit our hearts with those of our partners and kids because He has their hearts in his hands (Ps. 44:21). Do not ever think that your kids or partner will get tired of being with God. Even if they express this feeling, spur them to develop a different mental attitude. There’s help and peace and joy in God. As you share your burdens together and pray for each other; as you study His Word together; as you fellowship at home and in church; and as you strive to see His love exemplified by how you live in the home and beyond, you will be connected. Because in the end, Christ is the mortar. He holds everything together – in its place.
To recap, Our God made us in such a way that we need each other. And connecting with each other keeps this dream alive. The healthy ways by which you can connect with your loved ones are to Create quality time for them, to Learn to be present at the moment, to be vulnerable and share your feelings, to actively listen to your loved one’s perspective, to offer emotional support to them, to give a handshake from the heart, to think of thoughtful ways to serve them, to engage in meaningful activities together, to create memories together to seek counsel together, and to worship God together.
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