9 Misconceptions About Relationships That Hold People Back
Have you ever wondered why many people fear commitment or get discouraged in relationships? We all grow up, expecting that picture-perfect relationship. You know, the one where we marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Only for our hopes to be dashed when we face reality.
Most of the time, many of the problems we face in our relationships are not necessarily due to the relationships themselves. Of course, in a sense, it may seem so, but if you examine closely, you will identify a mindset or misconception that predisposes you to behave in a certain way.
This way seems right in your eyes because you have become so familiar with it, but that does not always mean that it is right or even helpful. Many people feel that they know all that there is to love and commitment in relationships, but the truth is that their minds have been distorted by many influences, such as their environment growing up, the media, and many voices out there that do not accurately proclaim God’s truth.
But if we are ever to succeed in our relationships, then we have to go to the One who is Love Himself (1 Jn. 4:8), and trade our worldviews for the priceless gift of the Truth of His Word. We need a mind renewal (Rom. 12:2).
This piece will reveal 9 common misconceptions about relationships that we have hung onto closely that we may not even realize are wrong, but need to be traded for the Truth of God’s Word. I pray that God opens your eyes to His love and light. Do read on.
Misconceptions About Relationships That Hold People Back
1. “If I wait long enough, I’ll find someone flawless.”
Of course, it’s impossible to find anyone who is perfect on Earth except God. Even our Lord Jesus confirmed this (Mk. 10:18). But it’s fascinating or might I say disappointing, to know that many people think this way. Some do so without even realizing that they think this way.
So when they meet potential partners, their eyes of scrutiny are so open to any “red” flag that they might find. Sometimes, the flags are not even red, but because it doesn’t meet some standard in their minds, they end up turning down even good people for the silliest of reasons.
Of course, there are character traits to look out for, and others that should make you sound the alarm. But ask God to give you eyes to see through people (Acts 1:24). No one is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. Let God help you find people who are worthy in character and willing to grow with you and on themselves.
2. “All men/women are the same.”
It is so easy to adopt this mindset, especially when most of the people you have come in contact with reinforced this idea. Let us say that you grew up in a dysfunctional home, and your parents were far from ideal. Most times, if that does not shatter your mindset at first, there’s a tendency to run into the arms of others for love, only to find out that they are not any different.
Still in desperation for love, you keep running into the arms of those who do not know what true love is. Not long before, you accept the idea that all men and women are the same. But that is not true. People who have genuinely encountered Christ and have his Holy Spirit living in them are unique and different (2 Cor. 5:17).
Not necessarily because they have ceased to be human or are now devoid of imperfections, but these people know that the way they love and treat you does not solely depend on their moods or fleeting emotions. It is borne out of love and obedience to Christ (Eph. 5:21).
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3. “Once I marry, I’ll stop being lonely or insecure.”
A very wrong reason to get into a relationship, especially a committed one, is because you feel lonely or insecure. Sometimes, many people, especially ladies, feel unloved and unaccepted by those around them, and worse off, even by themselves. They feel that if I can only get a man to love and accept me the way I am, I will be happy and fulfilled.
Others can’t stand the thought of being alone or hearing their friends and siblings talk about their ‘boos’ and ‘baes,’ while they have no one to talk about. So they run into the arms of just anybody out there, and most times end up committing to people who may take advantage of them, especially if they have studied their insecurities.
Even if you’re lucky to end up with a good partner, you will find out that no one can fill that empty space within you that longs to be satisfied. Why? Because God put it there. Only He can fill it (Eccl. 3:11). So find God first. Let Him mend what is broken, then He will lead you to someone who will complement and not complete you.
4. “Real love should always feel exciting.”
No offense, but social media deserves a medal when it comes to amplifying misconceptions such as this. To many young people, especially ladies who are moved so much by romantic gestures and many butterflies that flutter, it always looks as though true love has to be scented rose petals on the floor each morning, breakfast in bed, dinner dates where you waltz each night, a proposal that makes the headlines, and all that.
Sometimes, real love does that, and some partners can be faithful to all these because they truly love you. But let us be realistic. You can’t always expect someone to treat you like this all the days of your life, can you now? If your partner can, why not?
But what if the excitement fades away? Would you still stay? True biblical love does not just end at feelings. It is committed and shows up even sacrificially when there’s no sign of a single butterfly just like Jesus (Jer. 3:12). Get that?
5. “If they love me, they should just know what I need.”
I have had times when I was a victim of this. It seems as though if other people claim to love you, then they should just know your expectations, fears, desires, and all that. Some partners are very observant and can tell what you like or don’t; what irks you, and can be thoughtful enough to give you what they think you need, even if you don’t necessarily say it.
But no matter how good they are, it still boils down to you saying what you want. I learned that no matter how people love you and desire to help you, they will be helpless until you speak up and speak honestly. Communication never grows old, no matter how familiar you get. God created us uniquely. We may be alike, but we’re never the same.
Don’t die with your dissatisfaction or problems because you assume that your partner should automatically know. Even if God reveals it to him or her, there’s still a place for you to speak honestly, respectfully, but with wisdom. May God help you.
6. “If we love each other, we don’t need boundaries.”
A realization you must come to is that no matter how good-natured or well-intentioned people are, there’s always a tendency for imperfection. Sometimes in a bid to always show up, be there or prove that you love someone, you may burn out or slowly begin to resent the other person, especially if he or she does not reciprocate it. The Bible does encourage us to love sacrificially with the other person in mind (Phil. 2:4, Rom. 12:10).
But you don’t do this to a point that you lose yourself, as that would not be love, but folly. Relationships need wisdom to be handled, and this wisdom is found in God’s Word and His Holy Spirit guiding you through as many means as He will. Don’t trade a meaningful relationship because you feel tired, or take advantage of someone else because you feel entitled.
Rather, in love and with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, agree together on what goes and what does not; what can be tolerated and what simply cannot (Amos 3:3). Then have the discipline to stick by it, and the humility to apologize and mend your ways when you cross the limits.
7. “I can’t commit until I’m fully perfect and prepared.”
If you say you will wait till this time, you may end up marrying your crush’s grandkids. And just so you know, that would not even be because you’re finally perfect, but because you’re damn tired of waiting. This is a tendency most especially for people who have grown too aware of their flaws, whether by their own over-scrutiny or because of the cruel words of others to them.
They feel that no one would want them as they are with their many flaws, so they keep working on themselves till they are convinced that they have it all together. The sad thing is that time never comes. And most people realize this when it’s almost too late. Others, especially the males, due to pressure from within and without, keep waiting till they have the dream car, house, and job that can set them at an edge. But sometimes, it’s late before it’s even started.
Even though God desires us to be perfect, I am learning that it’s more about our heart posture (2 Cor. 13:11). Are we striving to grow and become perfect, or are we complacent? Be ready to commit when God says it’s time. Just be mature and still committed to growth.
8. “The only meaningful thing to give is money”
I have come across many posts, especially on social media where it sort of emphasizes that money is the greatest need of a person, especially a female. But that is not always true. Yes, many people are crazy for glitz and glamor, but there are those who, even though they appreciate those, still long for more things that matter.
Many partners lavish their partners with trips, money, tickets and all that. That is not wrong when the motives are pure. But many of these people do not love the people in question a single bit. They just take advantage to get what they want. But I feel that if you are a partner who is truly in love with someone in a relationship, you see through your partner. Don’t merely give him or her what he or she thinks he or she wants.
Give him or her what he or she truly needs, even though he or she is oblivious of the fact or never appreciates it. Take a cue from Jesus. He loved us and gave us the greatest need for our soul – salvation. Every other thing we want can flow from this. In the end, there’s always a time for reflection. Everyone would know who truly loved them.
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9. “If it’s God’s will, it will be smooth and conflict-free.”
I dare say that every single Christian is desperate to marry God’s will for them. It’s not wrong at all. With the many things going wrong in marriages today, you can’t help but pray for God’s will for you. But I feel that sometimes in our desperation to find God’s will for us, we miss the fact that even God-ordained relationships have issues from time to time that need resolution.
And this is not because you heard God wrong. Even in our love relationship with God, it’s not always smooth and easy. It’s not “Hallelujah!” all through, except you are praising in the storm. Sometimes, God uses the issues we face to grow and mature us – to help us become the kind of people He would have us be (Jas. 1:2-4).
So what’s important is not that you cease to pray for God’s will for your life, but that you ask Him to help and grant you the grace and wisdom to walk and work with His will for you no matter what comes your way (Jas. 1:5). That’s the kind of relationship that God’s power is seen through and His glory is displayed as a model to all.
To conclude, we have seen how misconceptions can distort our view of relationships and even make us sometimes miss what God has for us.
Now you have a choice, two actually: to close your eyes and pretend that there’s nothing wrong with you, or to face these misconceptions head-on with courage and the truth of God’s Word, which has the power to save your soul. There is an assurance, though, that you can bank on even if the Heavens and Earth give way:
“You shall know the Truth, and it will set you free” (Jn. 8:32).
Welcome to freedom, my friend. Stay blessed.
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