The 9 DANGERS OF MARRYING THE WRONG PARTNER
And there she lay with her silky handkerchief feeling more dampened than ever as she gently sobbed and blew her nose into it. So many thoughts raced through her mind; she could hardly give any complete attention. ‘How did she get here?’ ‘Why her?’
It all started out twelve years ago on a cold winter afternoon at a singles meeting. Lisa’s prince charming walked straight to her after the fellowship and swept her off her feet. Two years later, she walked down the aisle beside the man of her dreams. All was good till a little after the honeymoon when she was ushered to a whole new person – a Bob she would have never bargained for.
Lisa’s story paints the picture of so many marriages today. With so much glee and excitement, most people jump into the big ‘age but after some time, they get to see beyond the veil and they’re left wondering, ‘What the heck? Is this who I married? How did I get it all wrong?’
I’m sure you’re quite aware of the many marriages going downhill simply because we have so many right people paired up with the wrong people. These ‘right’ people may have been blinded by fantasies, the desire to be wealthy or sheer naivety and so ended up with the wrong people. They might have also ignored the seemingly obvious red flags or worse, ignored God.
God’s nature as a Righteous Father is to give us that which is right for us (Ps. 11:7, Jas. 1:17). It’s not part of His will to us married to the wrong people because He loves us and is aware of the hell we’ll have to face if we’re married wrong (Jn. 3:16, 10:10).
With that said, what will marrying wrong cost you? What are the dangers of marrying wrong? Why should you not marry wrong? I’ll be using Lisa’s story to illustrate. Be blessed:
1) YOU SIGN UP FOR THE LONE-GAME:
Although Lisa had Bob, she never had him. Apart from his always having something else to do, the little time they got to spend together was minutes of unending conflict and chaos. She got so used to not having him in her life that his very presence irritated her. Though they shared the same bed, they were miles apart.
Loneliness is one of the many bad ‘gifts’ marrying the wrong partner gives you. I’m sure you desire someone to laugh with, cry on, tell the happy and sad moments of your day, and someone to enjoy your most silly behaviors. However, when you marry wrong, you miss out on this. You sign a deal of loneliness even though your partner is not yet dead. This is certainly not God’s will for marriage. He desires companionship (Gen. 2:18, 21- 25). God’s enemy, the devil doesn’t turn a blind eye either as he loves to dwell in a lonely mind. That’s where he thrives. He can plant all manner of mischief on it. You can ask Eve (Gen. 3:1-6).
2) YOU MAY MISS OUT ON GOD’S PURPOSE:
If only Lisa could show you her journal right now, you would see the dreams God had laid in her heart of helping disabled kids by running a foundation. Now, she couldn’t even help herself not to mention others. Come to think of it, how would Bob react if he was to hear of it? Would he even let her do it? No way. She was sure of that.
God has a unique purpose for each and every person including you. Marrying the wrong person may never let you fulfill God’s purpose for your life. Even if you’re opportune to, you’ll do it with tears and ‘If only I had known better’ thoughts. Samson in the Bible is an example of one who had a divine purpose. But, when he crossed parts with Delilah who was certainly the wrong one for him, his life mission was terminated – even his life.
God desires to see you fulfill His purpose for you together with your partner who will be there to cheer you on as you do likewise. Together, you both will receive grace and strength to fulfill your mandate from God. God loves and blesses a marriage where there is unity of mind and purpose (Phil. 2:2). Ending up with the wrong person robs you of this fulfillment.
3) YOUR KIDS WILL SHARE YOUR PAIN:
Lisa had a father who always beat her mother up and yelled statements like, ‘You’re a bastard, You’re a prostitute’ to her. That totally damaged her self-image and her idea of men. So when Bob came along and was so ‘perfect,’ she ignored the seemingly evident red flags and went on, sacrificing herself all so the marriage could work with Bob exploiting her innocence. Her greatest fear all her days has been that Ellie, her eight-year-old daughter doesn’t suffer for her mistakes seventeen years later.
One of the greatest causes of most of the problems we face in society today is troubled children coming from troubled homes. There are cases of identity crises, ‘all (wo)men are scam’ mentalities, threatening mental health issues such as depression and abuse in children all because of wrong marriages. Some kids might end up becoming a nuisance in society and forced to be reckoned with in the negative. These kids may also grow up to exhibit the same characteristics as they have experienced in their homes or become victims of such.
Look at David’s children in the Bible for example, due to his act of marrying the ‘wrong’ partner against God’s will, the punishment for his sins affected his children. Also consider Jephthah who was thrown out of his home because his father married a harlot (2 Sam. 11:4, 12:9-12, 13:1, Judges 11:1-2). Save your kids from this mess by not getting married wrongly; even though not for you, do it for Christ because He values them.
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4) YOU BECOME CAGED IN REGRET AND ENVY:
Out of her busy schedule, Lisa spared at least five minutes each day to go on social media to check up on her friend, Sheila, cuddled up in her husband’s arms. After this, she would go to her room, lie on her bed in her usual posture, and lament to God and her pillow about just how unfortunate she was and how she would have evaded all this if she were wiser and more open to hearing God’s voice.
When you marry wrongly, there’s this tendency to always look in front of the mirror and hate yourself. You remember the day you walked down the aisle with so much pain in your heart. You live every day wondering why you’re so unfortunate and matters worsen when it dawns on you that you’re in for life. It is not God’s desire that you live every day of your life caged in regret when His purpose of coming is to set you free (Lk. 4:18-19). What pisses Him, even more, is when you begin to envy the marriages of your friends because when envy seeps in, so does hate and every kind of evil (Jas. 4:2). Marry right!
5) YOUR MARRIAGE TENDS TO DIVORCE OR SEPARATE:
Lisa would be a liar if she says she never thought of ending it all; going to court and breaking that damn marriage.
God’s original idea for marriage is not for it to end (Matt. 19:6). No, He desires to water it so that it may grow as His children yield long-lasting fruits. Divorce is on the increase in our world today and almost every marriage tends toward that direction. Why? Because most people are convinced that they ended up with the wrong partners and so why not end it all? God hates divorce and will never like it (Mal. 2:16). So save yourself the stress by listening to Him and marrying right. It’s no use trying to right a wrong marriage the wrong way.
6) YOU STAND RISKS OF HEALTH PROBLEMS AND EVEN DEATH:
Lisa’s mom had died at the cruel hands of her father and with the constant doses of despair she was taking in, she wouldn’t be so surprised if she was diagnosed with high blood pressure.
One of the dangers of getting into the wrong marriage is that it drags along with it a lot of maladies. These could include loss of appetite, problems with digestion, immune health problems, depression and so many things that may stick forever unless God intervenes. It may even lead to death in cases of domestic violence or partners contemplating suicide.
Both Ananias and Sapphira in the Bible died on the same day simply because they were a pair of wrong individuals not fit for each other. Abigail would have lost her entire family had she remained with Nabal (1 Sam. 25:3-39). Jesus died to save you from illnesses and diseases. He died to give you life. He was stripped for it (Is. 53:5). Would it not be unfair to Him that you take these upon yourself by marrying the wrong person?
7) YOU MAY GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO FIND MR/MRS RIGHT:
Since Lisa was not Mrs. Right, Bob may have probably gone a’ hunting.
When you marry wrong, you’re faced with the temptation of trying hard to find Mr/Mrs Right because in the end, who doesn’t like a little love? If you’re not careful and don’t hang on to Jesus tight enough, then your bed will soon be one detestable to God (Ex. 20:14, 1 Cor. 6:9). Also imagine what problems you’d bring upon your family when your baby mama decides to show up or the pain you’d inflict on your children in the future. How painful would it be? God may give you a chance to repent eventually but don’t forget that the scars always linger on. Don’t make the mistake.
8) YOU’LL BE LIVING A LIE:
To keep up with Sheila, Lisa made every effort to fix up the knot on Bob’s tie when at joint dinners with Sheila’s family or hold his hand so tightly on their way to church all so no one could suspect a thing. She was a great woman; the most beautiful and eloquent lady in her clique. How could her marriage go AWOL?
Marrying the wrong partner makes you live a lie. A lie that tells the world that everything is fine when it’s obvious it isn’t. You fear the possibility of your lifelong secret being exposed to the whole world; the shame it will bring! Your heart would not even be at peace before the God of truth because he births no liars (Jn. 8:44).
9) YOU MAY TASTE HELL TWICE:
‘Hypocrite! Just a pure definition of a hypocrite!’ Bob would scream out at Lisa whenever she went on her knees before her Maker. This would ring a bell in her mind and though she seemed to ignore his words, they pierced through her heart like a fiery needle. It inflicted guilt on her making her relationship with God suffer for it. And did the accuser of the brethren sleep on this? No way. He was always there to bring thoughts of him standing at a distance mocking her. Would she say she didn’t fear going to his realm one day? I doubt that.
Just like Lisa, marrying the wrong partner makes you live a dark life hiding from God’s presence due to guilt and fear. It also poses the threat of you being afraid that God’s judgment might come to you right in the middle of one of your usual bouts of disagreement. It certainly doesn’t sound nice to taste hell on Earth and still taste it in eternity. God won’t want that and I wouldn’t either.
To end this, know that there aren’t really any ‘wrong’ humans in themselves per se just that someone may be wrong for you, especially as the God’s beloved child that you are. Take time to know God’s will and hear His voice. You really do not want to be a part of a mistake as grave as this.
And if the deed has been done, fret not. You’ve got a Father and He is as good as He is loving – the best you could ever have. Remember the prodigal son? His arms are wide open to help.
All you have to do is run to him.
P.S.: Lisa is doing great now. She found God and she found peace. There’s hope for you too.
I trust you were blessed. Thank you for reading and stay blessed.
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