10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship – Marriage And Finance
Previously we’ve written an article which was a series on relationship finance, and expounded on an excerpt of Reverend PC Akubeze’s book, “Your Money, Our Money.” If you have not read that, please, click here.
In continuation of the series, we shall be talking about the 10 signs of a financially abusive relationship, originally authored by PC Akubueze. To start, let’s briefly bring you up to speed with what you should know about financial abuse.
You see, one of the forms that financial abuse can take, as far as relationships are concerned, is the control that one intimate partner has over the other partner’s access to financial resources, which diminishes the victim’s capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially. We’ve identified 10 such fits of abuse and would share them with you to empower your relationship. These abuses are:
1. When Your Partner Refuses To Financially Cooperate During Emergencies.
There are relationships where both partners know that they have money saved for the rainy days but wouldn’t release the necessary fund when such time comes. You see, there are certain situations that are urgent and demand urgent attention, particularly in the area of health when it’s a matter of life and death and money saved is needed to help solve the problem but your partner refuses to pay a dime to that effect. That is financial abuse. This also includes the area of basic provisions of life. If there’s money but the family goes to bed without food because of the decision of one partner, it’s wrong. That partner is financially abusive.
2. When Your Partner Monopolizes Financial Services At Home But Underperforms.
To be the sole partner caring for all, I mean, for everything at home and does it well, that partner is commendable. However, whenever your partner wants to be responsible for everything finance at home but doesn’t live up to it. That partner is abusive, financially. Their monopoly isn’t because they care for the family but because they want all monies to come to them so they can use it as they please. The monopoly is a way to cut out/off the other partner from interfering with finances or with the way they spend. This is one of the 10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship.
3. When Your Partner Only Allows You Stay At Home For Domestic Services.
Staying at home, as a housewife, is not a bad thing at all. Truth be told, It’s a job in itself to be home doing domestic chores including cooking. In the western world, it’s considered a paid job and people are hired to take care of the elderly and others who can afford hired staff, such as domestic staff, cooks/chefs, and child daycare staff. All of which is done at home. So if a wife stays at home for these purposes, it’s a commendable task. That woman who willingly stays at home daily should be commended.
However, the issue here is when the partner confines the wife at home to only do domestic work and nothing else that could earn her extra cash. You should underscore the words “EXTRA CASH” because that’s where the actual problem lies with abusive partners. They don’t want you to earn money, even with your degrees, so they confine you to the kitchen. Although some of their husbands do provide for the needs of their wives, the relationship is still not healthy. Just the fact that a husband detests the wife earning income to confine her to the kitchen is deplorable and abusive. Men, be careful because if you cannot be happy for your wives to control money, you might be one of the financially abusive husbands out there.
4. When Your Partner Steals Money From You.
Practically speaking, some partners do steal their own money (because I believe the two are one). The money they steal literally belongs to the other partner. It’s so funny, you see, that they can even steal the money that they give to you. Yes, of course, some partners are so jealous that you are financially responsible and independent, and would go the extra mile to steal from you. You would be looking for your stolen money and they can help you look for it, even making the loudest noise in the search. Yet, they are the culprits that they pretend to search for. Their jealousy and hate for your financial independence can cause them to steal the money or items that they intentionally gave to you. Such partners are financially abusive.
5. When Your Partner Attacks Your Friends Or Relatives Who Help You Financially.
In order to keep you financially dependent, some partners avoid friends or relatives to contact their family. This even goes further to verbally attacking your relatives and friends in an attempt to stop them from coming or visiting. An action that only widens the distance between you and them, and robs you of any financial help which could have been the case had friends been around you. This also is one of the 10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship.
6. When Your Partner Hides Financial Information To Keep You In The Dark.
When you are in a relationship and you people never discuss financial issues because it usually leads to a fight, or when one partner is never willing to talk to you about their finances, you may be in a financially abusive relationship. In such relationships, you can hardly know when there’s a raise in one’s salary. They don’t discuss their bank account details or balance, properties they own, or anything with financial value as far as the relationship is concerned. Just watch out! There’s financial abuse in that relationship.
7. When Your Partner Stalks And Harasses You Daily.
There are some relationships where your partner becomes your monitoring spirit, the hidden camera, and secretly follows you behind your back to see where you go and what you do in the places you go to. They may also harass your friends and monitor those you talk to without your knowledge. At times in public, they can take you unawares and embarrass you. All in an attempt to see or know where you get money from or put in money. Such partners are curious, highly suspicious, and financially abusive.
8. When Your Partner Sells Your Property Without Your Consent.
It’s financially abusive when you sell someone’s property without their consent whether married or not. Putting on sales what you own is fully your responsibility and if married, it’s still yours alone. It really becomes abusive when what you own is sold without your consent, I mean, the owner’s consent, just because you are married to them. Any partner that does that can go to any length to protect the deal with manipulation to avoid any resistance to their senseless act. This, no doubt, is one of the 10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship.
9. When Your Partner Always Asks Proofs Of Your Financial Activities.
Some abusive partners do this a lot even when it’s not necessary. Yes, they can ask you to prove that you have truly spent what they believe was in your keeping. If you don’t, they wouldn’t believe you nor keep quiet about it. To these abusive partners, buying candies must have an invoice. Externally, they want to be sure that you use money only for the right things which they approve of.
Internally, however, their interests are not necessarily good or genuine. They are just looking for a reason not to give you money in the future. And a fight might ensue when you resist this attitude of theirs. This unequivocally is among the 10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship.
10. When Your Partner Gives More Money To Their Relatives Than To You.
The lovers, the partners, the couples are their own priority. Your wife or husband is your priority first and not their parents or siblings. This particularly goes both ways. On the one hand, your partner ignores you financially but takes good care of those of their immediate family. And on the other hand, when you marry into your husband’s family, you would convince your spouse to be financially responsible for the members of your father’s household who are your siblings, including your parents. Transferring relatives’ financial burdens to your spouse is wrong and abusive. They can be cheerful givers or helpers, but it’s not their primary duty. This point concludes the 10 Signs Of A Financially Abusive Relationship.
What have you experienced financially in dealing with your partner? Were they abusive? How about you, how would you manage finances with your spouse or one to be? Share with us your thoughts.
Most importantly beloved reader, stay safe, put on your face masks, and wash your hands frequently. Coronavirus is still out there and still deadly. God bless y’all.
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