8 Common Mistakes Men Make When Preparing for Marriage
Introduction
Marriage is one of life’s most significant steps and should not be taken with levity. God’s intention for marriage is far beyond how it’s been handled today. Many people prepare so much for the wedding, but for some, it takes them 2-3 years to plan a wedding day. At some points in life, I asked several questions one of which is “Why do homes break after a few months when couples pour their life savings into their wedding?”
I have seen couples who did elaborate weddings and ended up going apart just after a few months. Some also take loans from banks to surprise their marriage attendees, only to have the couples separate after a few months. I ask questions, eager to know what could have caused such. Many men make avoidable mistakes in the preparation phase that can cause issues down the road. God’s intention for marriage is far beyond the wedding day. As important as it is for couples to desire to have an elaborate wedding, it’s important for them to also consider what happens afterward, in their home.
This article will explore eight common mistakes men make before marriage. Each point will offer insight into how these issues can be overcome, guiding a more prepared and harmonious transition to married life.
1. Focusing Too Much on Wedding Preparations and Too Little on the Marriage
2. Not Having Time to Address Personal Issues
3. No Clear Communication About Expectations
4. Ignoring Financial Planning
5. Placing Too Much Pressure on Perfection
6. Not Establishing Healthy Boundaries With Family and Friends
7. Underestimating the Importance of Spiritual Alignment
8. Not Mentally and Emotionally Prepared for the Commitment
1. Focusing Too Much on Wedding Preparations and Too Little on the Marriage
As I said while introducing the subject of discussion, some men concentrate on planning a beautiful wedding day, forgetting to plan for the marriage itself. They get caught up in the logistical and financial preparations without considering how they’ll build a successful relationship afterward. It’s wrong to focus on the wedding alone especially when you’ve determined in your heart to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. Ensure your goal covers your marriage more and ensure your decisions while planning your marriage favor marriage in the long run. Focus more on your relationship’s future than the wedding day. Sit down with your partner to discuss life plans, values, and goals. Make use of pre-marital counseling to gain tools and strategies to support your marriage beyond the wedding day.
2. Not Having Time to Address Personal Issues
How many issues have you addressed before walking the aisle with your partner? Men sometimes carry unresolved emotional, psychological, or even spiritual issues into marriage. Neglecting self-reflection can hinder your ability to be a supportive and understanding partner. Several men choose to still go on with their cheating partner even when they know they are battling it emotionally. Truly, he loves her but the pain of that action still lingers and he is finding it difficult to control it whenever it crosses his mind and he tends to react irrationally towards her whenever he remembers.
Before marriage, consider speaking to a counselor or mentor who can help you address lingering personal issues. The Bible encourages us to “lay aside every weight” (Hebrews 12:1). Work on becoming the healthiest version of yourself and enter marriage without unresolved baggage.
3. No Clear Communication About Expectations
This is of great importance. I hear some men say I never expected this or that from my wife, she is a different person now, after they have settled down together. It’s important to know that you only know 10% of your partner’s behavior before marriage, you only get to know her more when you both live together as husband and wife. Many men assume that their partner shares the same expectations, only to be surprised when differences emerge after marriage. Misalignment in expectations about roles, finances, family dynamics, and career goals can lead to conflict.
How then do you control this? Engage in honest conversations about your expectations and hers. Ask questions like, “How do we want to divide household responsibilities?” and “What are our goals for managing finances?” Clear communication builds a foundation for understanding and reduces frustration after marriage.
4. Ignoring Financial Planning
I heard of a couple who had nothing to eat immediately after their wedding. They were focused on feeding multitudes of people at their wedding forgetting they would eat as well. No food was stocked, and all money was spent on logistics, entertainment, and their attires, for the wedding. In the end, they resort to borrowing to buy themselves foodstuffs. Also, how prepared are you for home expenses? What are your plans if your spouse should conceive immediately? A common mistake men make is failing to address financial planning. This includes both personal debt and shared financial goals. Money is a major source of tension in marriages, and preparing financially can help alleviate potential conflicts.
Be transparent about your financial situation. Develop a joint financial plan that includes budgeting, saving, and future investments. The Bible reminds us that “the borrower is a slave to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7). Plan your finances together to reduce unnecessary stress and debts, in marriage.
5. Placing Too Much Pressure on Perfection
Some men set unrealistic standards, expecting both themselves and their future spouses to be flawless. Your spouse is not perfect, and this is the same with you. Neither of you is perfect. This mindset should be worked on before the wedding day because pressure for perfection can create anxiety and disappointment when natural challenges arise. While preparing for your wedding, due to pressure, certain actions may be played out by your spouse that you may not be comfortable with. Also,
Accept that marriage involves ups and downs. Look at challenges as opportunities to grow together rather than as signs of failure. Learn to forgive and support each other, just as “love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Realize that the beauty of marriage is found in accepting imperfections and growing through them.
6. Not Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Family and Friends
Once a man gets married, he automatically becomes the head of the family. Although he doesn’t outgrow his parent’s guidance, he is still in the right position to make decisions for his family. Lots of couples face issues arising from parents and relatives, not all marital issues are directly between couples. Men sometimes struggle to balance family dynamics, failing to establish boundaries that prioritize their spouse. This can create tension, especially if there is interference from parents or friends.
Communicate openly with family and friends about your priorities and how you intend to keep your home. Also, establish boundaries that support your relationship, giving your partner confidence in your commitment. The Bible says of a man that he “shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife” (Genesis 2:24). Set clear expectations to safeguard your marriage from unnecessary outside influence that may tamper with your marriage negatively.
7. Underestimating the Importance of Spiritual Alignment
I have seen couples whose belief on spiritual matters differs. I once heard of a couple whose child was sick but the husband was bent on not taking any decision medically to salvage the situation until the child died. Ignoring spiritual alignment can be detrimental if faith is a cornerstone for you and your partner. Spiritual differences or an absence of shared beliefs can create a division between couples, especially in key decisions.
Talk openly about your faith, church involvement, and how you envision spirituality playing a role in your marriage. The Word of God says “Do not be unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Finding alignment in faith can strengthen your marriage and provide guidance through life’s challenges. This aspect of the Bible speaks against marrying an unbeliever because doing so may be so disastrous.
8. Not Mentally and Emotionally Prepared for the Commitment
Marriage is not for the weak, it requires emotional strength, mental strength, physical strength, and spiritual strength. Marriage requires an enduring commitment, yet some men enter marriage without fully understanding or appreciating this level of responsibility. This lack of preparation can lead to discontent or even abandonment during tough times.
Reflect deeply on the meaning of commitment, understanding that marriage is a lifelong journey that requires perseverance. Study Ephesians 5:25, where husbands are called to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” Also, embrace a mindset that prioritizes loyalty, endurance, and love.
Conclusion
Preparing for marriage involves more than choosing a ring and planning a wedding. It requires introspection, clear communication, and a commitment to growth. By addressing these eight areas, you as a man can avoid common pitfalls and start your marriage with a strong, loving foundation. As you plan for your wedding, focus more on planning for your marriage. As a man, you’re the priest of your home, your vision must be wide enough to accommodate every individual coming to join you (your wife and children). I know God will help you, your home shall be beautiful and peaceful in Jesus’ name.
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