Introduction
A few years back, I used to have a friend whose marriage was not peaceful due to her jealous nature and insecurities. She told me most times, Esther, you are too gentle, how can you trust a man so much like this? She questioned every action and deed of her husband. She lacked trust in him and would not hesitate to take up a fight at any given opportunity. As time went on, despite the counsel I gave to her, she refused to take any rather, her behavior grew even worse to the point that her husband preferred to sleep outside than meet her at home. Her husband grew tired of the marriage and would do anything to stay away from her. He just wouldn’t want to proceed in that marriage because he prioritized his peace of mind above the marriage.
Even though her parents called her to order, she refused to yield to the counsel given but told them not to worry, she was in full control. In no time, her husband started spending days and weeks away from the home until one day came. On that day, she received a message from him telling her he wouldn’t be able to continue with the marriage and that very soon, divorce papers would be sent to her. She didn’t realize it had gotten to that level, instead of blaming her husband as she usually does, she chose to blame herself at that moment and she started calling us all on what we felt she could do. We turned her to God and told her to seek God instead and ensure she meets her husband to seek forgiveness and also promise to change. Fortunately, she met with her husband, her parents also begged him, and thank God the husband is a good Christian. The issue was resolved and they both started on a new page.
I took permission before sharing this story. This will help someone, anyone facing similar issues at the moment.
The feeling of jealousy and insecurity poses a threat and challenges the foundation of any marriage. As believers, the message of love can not be taken with levity as we have been admonished to love one another as Christ loved us (John 13:34). True love is not jealous and does not feel insecure. A large number of homes today are under the siege of separation as a result of this. The aftermath of this does not only affect the couples involved but also affects the children from that home.
However, with God’s guidance and help, obstacles like this can be overcome and a relationship based on love and respect can be birthed.
This article will look at “8 ways to overcome jealousy and insecurity in marriage.”
1. Communication
2. Identify Triggers
3. Build Self-Confidence
4. Set Boundaries
5. Forget The Past
6. Practice Self-Care
7. Seek Help
8. Be Thankful
1. Communication
Communication is usually the first missing act I observe when having a serious discussion with couples in a bid to settle dispute. As simple as the word sounds, it can put things in place, in a marriage. Since I got married, my husband and I have always created time for dialogue. Sometimes, we ask ourselves questions about our emotions. My husband once asked me, Honey, is there a day I have offended you so much and you wished you never married me? The answer is No! I knew he was curious to know how I felt about him. We’ve had a beautiful ride since we agreed on this journey!
If you have a spouse whose movement and actions are not pleasing to you, create time and sit them down. Discuss your likes and dislikes, communicate your differences, and let them see how your emotions are being tampered with. Tell them how those actions make you feel jealous and insecure and how it will affect your home if they continue on that path. Communication will unite you both the more and your spouse will further know what you like and what you dislike. As you communicate with your spouse regularly, you get encouraged by them, and they reassure you of their commitment to the marriage this will, in turn, make you feel more secure around them and your trust will consistently be on the increase. Always speak to each other in truth and in love (Ephesians 4:15).
2. Identify Triggers
One of the knowledge I gained while settling the dispute between my friend and her husband is the ability to identify what triggers jealousy and insecurity and safely discuss it with one’s partner. She had issues with her husband having a dialogue with other women. She feels uncomfortable when she sees him around women. She failed to communicate this with her husband, rather, she chose to fight him over them. Her husband on the other hand doesn’t even know what he did wrong precisely but he knew he was a faithful husband. However, instead of loving her even more, he continues to grow tired of the relationship. Identify what triggers jealousy and insecurity, address it, pray over it, and surrender your concerns to the Lord requesting his help and asking for the ability to overlook those things that trigger jealousy and insecurity in your heart (Psalms 139:23-24).
3. Build Self-Confidence
Self-confidence helps you grow more, emotionally. It serves as a strength that helps you identify your uniqueness and that of your spouse. A feeling of jealousy and insecurity only reflects your inability to recognize your own identity. I am beautifully made, my spouse will delight in me always! I am outstanding, my spouse can not find a better partner in another! These are words you tell yourself! Knowing your worth helps your partner accept and respect your person. Build self-confidence and be the best version of yourself, and by so doing, you will start feeling more secure in yourself and also grow to believe your spouse is not a cheat because all the qualities needed are in you. Know who you are, recognize your identity in Christ, and rely on His strength to help you and take you out of the shackles of jealousy and insecurity (Philippians 4:13).
4. Set Boundaries
I have heard some women say “I have been tempted to pick up my husband’s phone and go through his chats.” Going through your spouse’s phone is not wrong, however, what makes it wrong is your motive. If your motive for checking your spouse’s phone is wrong, even a little Hi from the opposite sex will mean something to you. Be mindful of your actions and don’t take steps that will affect your home. Establish boundaries, allow your spouse to pick up calls themselves, and allow them to read their messages. If they do not request that you do it for them, don’t rush to do it! Learn to trust your spouse and nurture your trust in them. This will save your home, and will also help you. Be interested in your spouse’s peace of mind and create a peaceful environment by setting boundaries that will not tamper with your peace and theirs (Philippians 2:4).
5. Forget The Past
Most people say it’s impossible to forget when others do them wrong but I ask what if they are the ones who wrong others? Will they pray that they forget or pray that they continue to revisit it? To achieve great things together as a couple, there is a need for you to forget the past and focus on the present. Don’t dwell on past hurts, don’t worry about the future, rather, focus on the present moment and the blessings God has bestowed on you. Be interested in correcting your wrongs and forgetting your spouse’s wrongs if you have chosen to continue in that marriage, Instead of revisiting the past and feeling insecure about their wrong deeds. Be grateful to God for the gift of your spouse, believe they can be trusted, and be intentionally willing to trust them. By focusing on the present, you will have no hurt hidden in your heart and accept no one is perfect (Isaiah 43:18-19).
6. Practice Self-Care
Yeah! I should not forget to mention that my friend got hypertensive as a result of not giving herself rest of mind over her spouse. Due to constant fighting and emotional disturbances, her blood pressure grew high and she slipped into becoming hypertensive. She succeeded in not only taking the peace that once existed in her home but also tampered with her health. As a couple, you need to know that whatever you contribute to your marriage will either make or destroy it. Enjoy the peace in your home, help your children feel happy always, and help your spouse focus on his assignments by creating a peaceful and calm environment. If your home is peaceful, you will be joyful and you will prosper in health. By working on eradicating your insecurities, you are caring for yourself indirectly. Holy Spirit will work through your life and body, in Jesus’ name. If you are experiencing a decline in your health at the moment as a result of this, your body is not yours, it belongs to God. Allow the Holy Spirit to help you heal from within. You will enjoy more peace as you choose to trust your spouse and make the peace in your home, a priority (1Corinthians 6:19).
7. Seek Help
The importance of getting help when necessary can not be overlooked. Certain things are beyond you. If you desire to be at peace with your spouse and rid yourself of securities, seeking help should be considered. You can seek help from marriage counselors and your trusted spiritual leaders. They will watch your growth and how well you are improving in that area. Through prayer, support, and, counsel from these mentors, insecurity and, jealousy will not persist, rather, you will be strengthened to fight against those things that may pull your home down (Proverbs 19:20-21)
8. Be Thankful
Gratitude helps you recognize those things you naturally feel you are entitled to. It helps you realize that God is the giver of a good home. Thank God for your spouse, and thank God for your marriage, because gratitude helps you get rid of bitterness and resentment in your heart. Being thankful helps you recognize the reason why God gave you that spouse and how well He (God) will keep you both together till old age.
Celebrate the love and unity you share as husband and wife, learn to honor and cherish each other, and overlook your wrongs. Gratitude gives God more access to your home and as His presence abides in your home, peace will take over (Psalms 107:8-9).
In conclusion, overcoming jealousy and insecurity in marriage requires faith, prayer, communication, building self-confidence, identifying triggers, setting boundaries, forgetting the past, practicing self-caring, being thankful, seeking help, and a willingness to surrender your fears and doubts to God. By practicing the strategies given above, you will enjoy and experience healing and restoration in your marriage and this will in turn make your marriage rooted in love, trust, and harmony.
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