I used to say this and I still do. Whenever I say it, I mean it. Let me say it again: Understanding The Principle Of Respect In Marriage protects and guarantees the continuity of love in the union. In other words, a strong principle that guides and guards love is Respect, Respect, and Respect. Makes sense? Absolutely! We shall see that later as we consider the title, “How To Understand The Principle Of Respect In Marriage.”
What Is A Principle?
A principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. As truth in a relationship, it is the same for mum and daughter as it is for dad and son. It is the same for everyone in a relationship irrespective of skin color, social or financial status.
Respect is a principle of marriage that guides and guards the love within. For the wise, observing the level of respect can tell you at what stage the love is, and it can also tell you how strong the love is in a relationship.
Any divorce or separation has violated the principle of respect in marriage in one way or another. You that are reading this article right now, I pray that you see the need to hone respect in your relationship and by so doing, cause your marital union to last longer.
The Stages Of Respect In Love Relationship
Marital respect develops in 3 stages: The Attraction Phase of Respect, The Pre-marital phase of Respect, The Post marital phase of Respect. All of which constitute the life cycle of Marital union. Let us look at each respectively.
1. The Attraction Phase Of Respect
Respect is an Important Ingredient For A Lasting Love. You Need Respect To Fall In Love because it takes respect to fall in love. It takes respect to start a relationship whether from both persons or from just one person.
When I talk about respect, I mean that deep feeling of admiration you have for someone whether because they do something so well or possess something exceptional or because you just love them. That admiration is inexplicable. You can’t just explain it, but the heart, assuredly, feels it and knows it.
That admiration comes with its own respect for that individual. The respect is unlike any other. The respect that at times makes you feel “Shy” in a good way, and “Weak” in a nice way too.
I must be careful here not to advocate weakness and shyness with the one you love that could be seen as stupidity and slow-wittedness. No! Not every shyness is a sign of love, and not every weakness is either. Some are just out of stupidity, fear, and ignorance.
The Shyness And Weakness
However, the shyness or weakness that comes from that “Love” the heart feels only tells you that you can’t resist with what the heart agrees. It’s the respect you have for the one you love which easily agrees with the object of your love not because you understand it, but because the heart just agrees with it and can’t put up any resistance.
But it never enslaves anyone nor makes one feel sad. It always makes the one in question happy. You feel “Shy” but you are very happy with it. You are happily shy. You feel “Weak” but that weakness makes you happy.
Can I just add to this that love humbles you somewhat, somehow with the one you are in love. You could be tough with others but when it comes to that special one, you are just unexplainably “Weak.” And that’s very normal.
It’s okay to feel defenseless before your lover. Don’t fight it and don’t be upset about it. The humbleness constitutes what indicates the agreement of the heart with the person in question.
The Product Of Admiration
The admiration or respect for someone could have various bases or trigger points, and one of the trigger points is Love. That respect is not love in itself but an attribute of love. It births attraction and helps to direct you to where your heart belongs in a relationship. You must not always ignore that sign.
When you don’t respect a person, you may not feel for the person, even if you want to. You should start at the level of respect. Work on it. Don’t overlook it and rush into “Loving” someone just yet.
Marriage isn’t a sprint. The love for marriage should be a lifestyle. And if the respect isn’t there, it wouldn’t last. See yourself respecting that individual first, and it would help you love the person better.
When Abraham’s manager first met Rebecca, she respectfully served him before further engagements (Genesis 24:15-21). When Ruth first met Boaz, she had shown consistent respect for Boaz and all of his household ( Ruth 2 & 3). She was noticed because of respect.
You see, It begins with respect, with the admiration for that individual. If you claim you love, let the respect level be the checker. When it comes to relationship respect, how do you feel about that person? Disgusting? Awful? Happy? Sad? Does the person irritate you?
When you see the person, do you want to serve, help, do something nice or just be nice? If you don’t have respect for someone, you might not have Love for that person. Yes, if you don’t have respect for someone, there’s a great probability indicating that you might not fall in love with that person.
2) The Premarital Phase Of Respect
Now, when it leaves the attraction phase, you are already in love or have fallen in love. This is called the premarital phase. And it takes Respect to keep and guard your Love, having fallen in love. You need Respect to keep your love.
The process is ongoing but is on a different stage or phase in a relationship, whose durability also varies from one person to another. It could take a very long time from the attraction phase to the premarital phase for some. And for others, a very short period of time.
Love Triggers Respect
Love triggers respect and respect still guards and solidifies love. That’s just as truthful as it sounds. If you’ve fallen in love and you lose your respect for your partner (the both of you), it is an indication that there’s a problem. Respect always facilitates love before and after you’ve fallen in love. Respect should be a checker always to guide and guard your marital union.
You cannot say about your spouse, or the person you are in love with that, “I used to Respect him or her.” The whole statement is erred. It sounds funny! Is it not? You “Used” to? Really? With the one you “Love”? Anyway, it doesn’t only show that the respect is gone, but that there’s a problem with the union. What happened to what you “Used” to do? What happened to that “RESPECT”?
Respect should be the checker of love in a union. And like love, it never dies out. But it could if you let it. That’s why we need to constantly check at it.
Respect Determines The Level Of Love
It’s very likely that your love for someone is seen at the level of respect you have for that person. Love and respect go hand in hand. The Person you love, you talk well about. The person you love, you don’t dishonor. The person you love, you don’t slander, nor speak evil about. In relation to this aspect, the Bible makes it clear that love does not speak evil of the beloved. That’s respect. It also says that love is not easily angered. That’s respect (1 Corinthians 13:5-6).
Let’s be practical now! Just examine yourself! How well or badly do you talk about your spouse, partner, lover? Are you happy when others speak evil of your partner? Do you get upset or permit others to speak evil about your lover in your presence? When respect is involved, you don’t give others the laxity, the freedom to talk evil about your spouse in your face. You don’t permit that at all. If you do, it kills your level of respect for that person. And consequently, your love for the individual.
Point Of Correction
You rather should correct such immediately. Tell the one who speaks evil of your partner to desist, and that you don’t like it. Don’t sit there and find comfort with that just because there are issues with your union. Start dealing with things instantly. Don’t let anyone disrespect you or the one you love if you intend to stay in love.
Issues may come and issues do go away, but the way you handle issues in marriage could leave a regrettable trace. Follow this Biblical counsel that love doesn’t disrespect others, doesn’t dishonor them, doesn’t delight in evil reporting nor propagate it (1 Corinthians 13:5-6). You are still a partaker if you said nothing but allowed those who said.
3) The Post Marital Phase Of Respect
This is the third phase of respect in the Union, and the phase with a stronger sense of respect. Love grows in a relationship and it takes Respect to grow in Love. When you respect your partner, you increase the love. The love turns to grow more where it is nurtured with respect.
Respect too grows alongside love. You need Respect to be able to grow in Love with your partner. Respect grows as love grows. And love grows as respect grows. Respect grows as love increases. Love grows as respect increases. The two work hand in hand.
The third aspect of this respect factor is what is required throughout the cycle of a union and which is the growth aspect. I mean, you should not obstruct the growth of respect in a relationship.
Its Evolving Nature
It’s never stagnant. Marital respect evolves as you get to understand your partner better. That’s a great statement right there! Let it grow with your love life and don’t stagnate it.
It’s true that certain things that use to inspire you in the past might not be so years later. That’s human psychology and it’s okay. But the areas of love and respect are never in a torpid state. Respect evolves just as love evolves. It’s never dormant. And don’t let it be.
Take Nothing For Granted
What used to excite you doesn’t anymore why? This is the mistake we fall for time and time and again. It “Used to” because you’ve outgrown that state or level but have not found out the new excitements at your current level. See what I mean?
At every new stage of love (for those who grow in love), there are new excitements that every couple must strive to discover. Don’t back down and call it ‘done that’ or ‘been there’ because you are a few years in marriage.
Inspiration keeps changing. Love keeps growing. Respect keeps evolving. Respect trigger points keep getting updated. Find out the new excitements at the level where you currently are in a love relationship. It could be different from when you people started; different from the first 10 years; different after 20 years in marriage. Whatever level you are at, the sparkle of love never dies down or out. Sarah grew in love to a level where she called her husband Abraham her Lord ( Genesis 18:12 ). Respect Grows With Love In A Relationship. Don’t Let It Stagnate.
And hey! Like I used to say it, and I really mean it. Can I say it again? A strong principle that guides and guards love is Respect, Respect, and Respect. Makes sense now? I hope you got it since we have considered the title, “How To Understand The Principle Of Respect In Marriage.”