WHAT QUALITIES MAKE FOR A GREAT PARTNER?
We all have an idea of who we think an ideal partner should be. Perhaps a handsome, ruddy dude like David? Or a beautiful epitome of respect like Rebekah. None of these? How about a dreamer like Joseph? Or a boss lady like Queen Esther? (1 Sam. 16:12, Gen. 24:15-25; 37:9, Esth. 2:7,15,17). I am sure that deep down in our hearts, there are certain kinds of partners that we long for. And this is for many reasons best known to us.
However, irrespective of the kinds of partners we desire to have or already have, there are certain qualities that make a partner stand out. These qualities do not have to be the perfect idea for you. But believe me when I say that they are traits you should look out for, appreciate, or try to cultivate as a partner. They will help you, no doubt.
So, join me on a ride as we explore together sixteen amazing qualities that make for a great partner. I do hope you enjoy the ride.
With that said, these qualities are:
1. A great partner truly loves:
Let’s take a sneak peek at God’s relationship with us. We know that He truly loves us, right? I mean, if He didn’t, why would He bother about us? Why would He bring His luggage to earth only to die? (Jn. 3:16, Rom. 5:8) So, you can see that God indeed loves us – and that crazily.
A great partner is one who truly loves you just for who you are. He (she) is one who delights in you and whose thoughts of you bring unimaginable joy. Beyond that, a great partner who truly loves you is always excited to show his (her) love by his (her) deeds (1 Jn. 3:18). I guess his (her) mantra is: What good is hidden love?
By spending quality time with you, serving you cheerfully, hiding those notes under your locker, holding your hands warmly in his, he (she) proves his (her) love for you. He (she) shows that he (she) is truly excited to be with you and he (she) means it from the heart.
Check out 1 Corinthians 13 for a brief expo on how great partners truly love.
2. A great partner is honest:
Have you ever imagined what would have happened if Jesus had said He would die and rise again but never did? Christianity would have been baseless. Beyond that, many peeps would
have termed Him the greatest liar of all time. How would you ever be proud to say you are in a relationship with a liar?
Just like the scenario above, a relationship where a partner is never true to his (her) word and always gives you reasons to doubt him (her) will surely have a sad ending.
Great partners believe in truth. It is essential (Prov. 12:22, 16:13, 23:23). While it is sometimes the case that “desperate” partners breathe out lies in order to woo, you can agree with me that no true, lasting relationship can be built on a foundation of lies (Prov. 12:19).
Trust is broken when the truth is missing or found out. In fact, a partner who is not honest only proves that his (her) love was never real. It was nothing but a façade. So, if your partner is no friend of the truth, have a rethink.
3. A great partner loves to communicate:
The whole universe thrives on communication. One word said wrongly, or at the wrong time, or to the wrong person can have devastating effects. This is why great partners prioritize effective communication.
As a great partner, you should feel free to communicate with your significant other. If you bottle up your emotions and never let your life out, you’re indirectly informing your partner that he (or she) has no part to play in your life. It means he (she) is not so “worthy” to know the real you. He (she) is no different from a stranger.
It is expedient that you engage in open and honest communication as often as you can. Think of it this way. When you say you really love God but don’t talk to Him often, it simply implies one thing: He’s repulsive to you, or you’re way too busy. Either way, it shows He does not really matter to you. The same goes for your partner.
4. A great partner is trustworthy and trusts you:
Hey, you are going to spend “forever” on earth with this person. How on earth can you not trust him (her)? If Joseph in the Bible did not find Mary trustworthy, her getting pregnant would have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. He would have probably looked up her book of bloopers and dumped her ASAP. But he just could not do that – not just because he was just and upright – but also because he trusted her (Matt. 1:18-25).
To trust means to be confident in or have reliance in something or someone, which in this case is your partner. An important thing to remember about trust is that it most times boils down to one’s character. That is what is relied upon.
Does your partner stick to his (her) word? Are there things you can vouch for that he (she) would never do? If you close your eyes right now, and your answer is in the affirmative, then your partner is a great one. Hold him (her) tight. And hey, be trustworthy too.
5. A great partner respects you:
When your partner highly esteems you and values you so greatly that he (she) strives to never demean you in any way, such a partner is a great one.
A great partner looks at you with admiration. He (she) honors you for who you are. He (she) will not make you lower your standards in a bid to please him (her). As a female, you would know that your man respects you when he does not abuse you physically, sexually, psychologically or even verbally.
And you know what? His (her) respect for you does not just end there. It transcends to how he (she) regards your family and friends. Sarah in the Bible was bold to call Abraham her lord because he undoubtedly respected her as she did him (1 Pet. 3:6). Art thou a great partner or not?
6. A great partner is committed to make the relationship work:
A great partner who truly loves you will do everything in his (her) power to have and be with you. He (she) will not get easily irritated and bitter about your slightest offences. He (she) will not constantly threaten to dump you any day you make an insignificant error.
If anything, such a partner is willing and ready to work it out – always. If you look at God’s relationship with us, He did not give up on us when we failed Him. He did not shout, “I’m fed up already. Away with them!” But He has always initiated and followed through with plans leading to our salvation. You know why? Because He is a great (and amazing) partner who truly loves us. That’s why we hold Him tight.
7. A great partner is selfless:
Now, there’s two of you, right? But by virtue of your being in a committed relationship (or at least, your planning to commit one day), it means you cherish the idea of oneness, correct? Now, if you two will be one (or if you already are), then it shows togetherness. It shows that there’s a
part of you in him as well as a part of him in you. So, goodbye to “it’s all about me alone” for good.
If you have a partner who is constantly on the lookout for your good and not just his (her’s), then send him (her) a text and never let him (her) go. If he (she) is willing to sacrifice his (her) time and resources to be with you; he (she) does not regard being with you as a waste of time, but constantly seeks to help you even at times when it may cost him (her), then such a partner is great.
Nevertheless, know that being selfless does not mean going out of your own will and way when it’s evident that you’re not pleasing God. Follow Jesus’ example (Mk. 10:45, Jn. 2:24)
8. A great partner is faithful:
Great partners do not cheat on their significant others. They cherish them so much and relish every moment with them. They love them and are satisfied by their presence and with their love they do not need to go elsewhere to “augment” their love life or have a backup plan. Even if they have issues with their partners, they choose to resolve them rather than get side chicks.
Cheating in a relationship is as deadly as it is in marriage. Our Lord Jesus understands how beautiful it can be for partners to stick with each other without the involvement of romantic “third parties”. And that is why He tells us to love and serve Him only for He is a jealous God (Exod. 20:5-6, 34:14). And I bet you know that if you cheat, you can also arouse the jealousy in your partner. That may not have a good ending.
9. A great partner has a or vision:
Oh no, please do not take this to mean sharing details of your life goals and ambitions on a first date. Even though, as you progress, that will be great. But on a more serious note, you need a partner who can see beyond the now and into the future.
As you progress in your relationship, it will be helpful to find out if your partner has foresight – if he (she) is someone you can build with. It is also necessary to ask yourself if you desire to be a part of his (or her) vision. He (she) may not be a stakeholder in the bank just yet, but with vision, he (she) has the potential to blow your mind in the future.
Being with a visionary partner is very crucial and necessary as your ability to see far into the future will help you purvey for it and also place you on a pedestal of progress.
Joseph was a man of vision. Though his circumstances seemed to constrain him, he never gave up hope. He saw beyond. And as you would have it, he became great with a great wife by his side (See Gen. 37, 39-41).
10. A great partner feels empathy:
It is sometimes advised that you do not rely solely on your feelings when in love. But this does not mean that you do not consider your feelings at all or totally rule them out. You are not going to be united to a stone.
A great partner is one who not only feels for you and offers words of encouragement but is one who can place himself (herself) in your shoes, see things from your perspective, be a shoulder you can cry on and will be there even if it is only to listen. He (she) understands you and gets you without condemning you.
The Bible tells us that Jesus, our partner is not unsympathetic. Instead, He feels what we feel because He has been in our shoes (Heb. 4:15-16). Not just that, but He offers us comfort and also intercedes for us (2 Cor. 1:4, Heb. 7:25). Can you see how great a partner He is? Can you see how great a partner you can be?
11. A great partner shows maturity and an eagerness to grow:
It is important that when making the choice of a life partner, you go for someone who is mature in mind and thought and not just age.
The church which is Christ’s bride suffers much because a part of her is unwilling to grow and mature (Heb. 5:13-14, Hosea 4:6). And unless she matures, her relationship with her partner, Christ will keep rigmaroling in circles.
There are bound to be decisions taken, conflicts to be resolved and ideas to be healthily debated upon. When your partner is a “baby” in the mind, it tends toward your frustration, and ultimately – if not for God – your turning to other options that can satisfy you.
Don’t just look out for someone who is physically in shape, but look for one with a mature mind or at least, someone who is eager to grow despite his (her) imperfections.
12. A great partner has a sense of responsibility:
Marriage is a whole lot, believe me. And for someone who is unprepared, it can be overwhelming. This is why you need to go for a partner who has a sense of responsibility. One who can lead himself (herself) and be held accountable for his (her) actions and decisions.
You should also look out for someone who is not lazy – physically and mentally too. And this not just for the male folk, but the females too. If you make a survey of God’s Word, you will discover that the women who made great partners knew how to get their hands dirty, were responsible wives in their families and some were even responsible for a nation (Ruth 2:3, 1 Pet. 3:6, Esth. 2:17).
Do not be slothful. Be skillful. Have something tangible to offer to your relationship. Engage your mind and hands. That is what makes you great.
13. A great partner is always willing to forgive (Eph. 4:31-32):
There are surely times when you would argue, piss each other off, forget a Valentine’s Day or worse, utter something out of the ordinary. It is important you learn how to sit at tables, talk about whatever is causing a conflict and try to resolve them by asking God for help. A third party should only be involved when it is truly expedient and beyond your control. See why it is so important to be mature?
A partner who will nurse resentment and bitterness and pretend that all is well when it is obviously not, will not really act any differently in marriage. Of course, there are some character traits that should make you raise your brows and flee, but minor issues can be resolved, overlooked and not dwelt upon for the progress of your relationship.
14. A great partner is supportive:
In our world of broken people, you will need someone whose sparkle gives you hope to keep pushing through. A great partner is one who is supportive of your dreams, goals and crazy ideas. Of course, it does not mean he (she) must concur to them if it will not be beneficial in the long run (or if they do not really “make sense”), but he (she) should be able to offer constructive criticism whilst still encouraging you to do God’s thing through you.
A great partner is not one who will stifle your purpose, but is one who is crazy about you – just the way you are about them.
15. A great partner is fun to be with:
Now, before you think: “I’m in a relationship with a nerd or worse, I am a nerd,” I want you to know that being in a serious relationship does not mean you have to be overly serious and all. A great partner knows when to be sober and when to have fun. By fun, I mean “good” fun – not night partying, sex or going high on alcohol and drugs.
Good fun is simply enjoying your partner and having great moments together. In such moments, you’re free hearted and you get to be the real you. You do not have to look like you have got it all figured out or be the powerful persona your subordinates cringe before. It’s you just being yourself and living in the moment with the one you love. It could be the nicknames you call each other or even silly things you do that you would never try in public.
In fact, your fun side should be expressed when you are with someone who is actually meant for you. Even if you’re a nerd, a great partner knows how to “bring you out.”
It’s amazing to know that our partner, God is not some cosmic killjoy or taskmaster whose presence would make us cower and fear (Heb. 12:18-24). He is a fun God who loves to have a good time with us too.
16. A great partner is a true child of God:
What’s better than dating a prince or princess? You’ll be ushered into Buckingham Palace. But beyond that, you may just be ushered into God’s own heavenly kingdom. Your partner’s true identity when he (she) is a child of God is that of royalty – nothing less of it (1 Pet. 2:9, Jn. 1:12).
Dating or being a heavenly royal is fun. It becomes so much easier to love because you are confident that you’re in the King’s will for you. A true child of God will love you with the love he (she) has received from True Love itself (1 Jn. 4:8). What better love do you dream of than that?
Also, it gets easier to walk with someone who truly knows the Lord. You know why? Because such a person, even though he (she) is not perfect yet, will strive to grow and do what pleases Christ and that means pleasing you too (Eph. 5:22-33). He (she) has the perfect role model by the way – Christ (Eph. 5:1). Let a true child of God be your partner, for a triple-stranded cord is not easily broken (Eccl. 4:12).
Finally, I doubt that anyone can score a perfect 100 in the test for greatness as a partner. We are all on a journey of growth and transformation. So, do not fret if you do not seem like a great partner after reading this. You’ve got God and as you get intentional and continue to behold His face, you’re sure to become more like Him (2 Cor. 3:18).
Hey, God’s not out of the relationship business yet, and He will never be! Thank you for reading and cheers to your greatness as a partner.
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