13 Best Practices For Couples To Enhance Dialogue

 

It’s not untrue that Marriage is the foundation of the home, the family, the nation, and the human race. It’s also not untrue that Marriage, as an institution, suffers from an untold pickle. It would be of note that marital crises have no respect for culture, skin color, language, financial status or national borders. For every tear has the same color. Every pain hurts. The fact that you are black or white or Indian does not exonerate you from marital predicaments.

One of the reasons for the increase of divorce rate in most communities is not necessarily the lack of love, but the inability for couples to “Stay in love”. Staying in love is possible because couples understand each other and communicate effectively with each other.

Some couples love themselves but prefer to live separately because of the lack of effective communication. Some, even after the process of divorce, still love their ex-partners, yet they enjoy keeping a distance between them. If one is separated or divorced and still desires the ex-partner, it, therefore, shows that there was something missing somewhere that, if they had discovered and understood, could have helped prevent the divorce or separation in the first place. Don’t you think so? You see, couples need effective communication for better understanding.

The reasons for this article are to help couples better understand their partners via dialogue, communicate effectively, enrich their love life, and consequently decrease the rate of separation and divorce, if not eradicate them completely. For these to be true, however, you must not only read but also apply the 13 best practices for couples to enhance dialogue as shared in this article. They are tested principles that work for couples who imbibe them.

1. Always Be A Good And Attentive Listener To Your Love Partner

Everyone must be quick to listen, says James 1:19. A good listener is swift to hear you speak, and gives you his attention free from distractions.

With the advance of technology, our generation has enjoyed great comfort in life. And one of its benefits has been the comfort of better communication, not without its darker side, however. And it’s an irony that the comfort of communication is the killer of communication. We have gadgets to enhance our communication but with these various gadgets, we seem to have lost the quiddity of communication.

Marital, love, family and even professional relationships, now our days, suffer because of what technology brings to us, which isn’t a bad thing, but when we don’t understand how to use the tools of communication to make communication effective, we lose the whole essence of it all.

Technology has affected our ability to concentrate and to listen well. Some of us are not aware or might not be honest about the fact that our attention is divided when it comes to listening to others. It’s not hard to see people glued to their TVs, Smartphones, Tablets, Laptops, and other electronic gadgets when talking or listening to someone.

For couples to communicate better, they need the undivided attention of each other. That includes the mind, the eye contact, the opened ears, and a hushed mouth. You can’t talk to your lover in a dialogue and be talking to your Smartphone at the same time. No! Put down your phone, and give your partner unreserved attention. A dialogue is a dialogue and deserves the full attention of the one you are in love with.

2. Always Respond Only When Your Partner Has Finished Speaking.

You two can’t speak at the same time in a dialogue, who would listen to whom. But if your partner hasn’t finished speaking, what do you do? Keep listening! It’s a shame to give an answer before you hear the question. Even if you know the answer before the question, please, give the answer only after the question is asked. For couples to enhance their dialogue and avoid confusion, it is wise to heed this Biblical advice: “He who answers before listening is an act of folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13).

3. Always Think Before You Talk.

In a dialogue, partners don’t just talk because they have the mouth to talk. No, they talk because they have something to say to each other. Think well to see that what you have to say to your partner is what you really want to say.

The Bible says that “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil” (Proverbs 15:28). Don’t be the kind who gushes out evil when given the opportunity to talk.

4. Always Be Slow To Talk.

There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks in haste, says Proverbs 29:20. Words come from the mind. The speed at which your mind processes its words differs from the speed with which your mouth airs your words. Your speed can cause you not to filter words carefully. Some partners are too fast to speak and only regret at the end what they have spoken.

Some people think before they could speak, and some speak before they could think. Some speak faster than their minds could process, while others speak at the rate of their minds. But there are some people who do not make use of their minds at all. They don’t know the right things to say; the right ways and the right time to say it. Don’t ruin the dialogue with the speed of your speech. Slow, slow, just slow down !!

5. Always Speak In A Way To be Understood

Don’t forget that a great goal for dialogue is to be understood. If you wanna be understood, only employ ways that can help convey what you mean to your partner. It may be facial expression or body movements, gestures, or even using simple and appropriate words can enhance the dialogue and achieve its goal.

6. Always Tell The Truth.

The Bible tells us not to lie to each other (Colossians 3:9). It also says that we must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to our neighbors (Ephesians 4:25). Many marriages are destroyed today because of lies that were discovered later. The lifespan of any lie is short. You can hide behind your lies, but one day, the truth would be known. You cannot afford to lie to the partner you claim you love, because love is honest and rejoices only with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6). Don’t lie to win his or her heart. A partner who truly loves you would not stop loving you because you told the truth. Be honest, truthful, and faithful to your partner.

7. Always Avoid Being Silent When You Should Talk.

A dialogue isn’t a monologue where one person does the talking. It’s not a one-sided communication. The communication is always two-sided at least. So say something when it’s your turn to talk. You don’t have to be silent when you should talk. Don’t use the silence as a means of punishment. Don’t use the silence to frustrate your spouse, instead explain the reasons for your hesitation. Whether you are hurt or in pain, let your partner know how you feel. That’s what a dialogue is all about, anyway. You might have heard of the saying that, it only takes a good man to keep quiet for evil to prevail. Of course, that cannot be overemphasized.

8. Always Be quick To Resolve Issues.

Do you ignore little issues and called them inconsequential? Trivial? Do You say it doesn’t matter? This doesn’t help things at all. Does it? No matter how nugatory an issue might be, it has a cumulative effect when ignored. You may be surprised to hear that what some people called “Petty issue” was what caused their divorce. Little marital issues grow bigger over time when ignored. A conflict is a conflict no matter how small it is, and must be resolved quickly before it turns into something else.

9. Always Avoid Quarrel Of Any Kind.

This only makes things worse. Some partners find themselves quarreling with one another when in dialogue. Some cannot have a minute discussion without a fight. “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out (Proverbs 17:14). “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel”, says the Bible (Proverbs 20:3).

10. Always Avoid Critical Remarks.

This means that you don’t have to criticize your partner when you are in a dialogue. Constructive criticism is okay. But there’s no seat of judgment in an atmosphere of dialogue. You don’t point fingers but seek ways to encourage your spouse. The Bible tells us not to judge so that we also would not be judged (Matthew 7:7). A Dialogue can be a very good place for correction, character building, and improvement when handled in the right way.

11. Always Acknowledge Your Mistake If There Is Any

We are all humans subject to mistakes at one time or the other. Don’t allow your mistake to hinder you from having a conversational dialogue with your partner. Rather, acknowledge your mistake when brought to your knowledge. When you know that you are wrong, don’t hide it. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t overlook it. And don’t call it insignificant, even if your spouse doesn’t talk about it. Don’t let your pride fool you. It’s your duty as an honest lover to acknowledge it before your partner. The Bible says to confess your sins to each other (James 5:16).

12. Always Asks For Forgiveness.

This automatically follows the one above. If you’ve acknowledged your mistake, don’t keep quiet about it indefinitely, but ask for forgiveness. Let your partner know that you are sorry about it. A partner that loves you will forgive you. And you would not lose respect in so doing. Rather, it brings healing to the soul and strengthens the love in that relationship. We’re asked to forgive one another if there’s any grievance against someone (Colossians 3:13). This is not true, however, if you don’t ask for forgiveness.

13. Always Avoid To Ask For Things.

Some couples engage in dialogue because they want something personal from their partners at the end of it all. Some only dialogue when there is a need of some sort. Whenever they seek to dialogue with you, you could tell that there’s a need somewhere coming up. Consequently, this has led others to avoid dialogue because they don’t wanna feel compelled to give, or because they have nothing to give to the one they love.

Giving to the one you love is not a bad idea at all. But do not make the habit of asking for things whenever you are in a dialogue with your loved one. Don’t give the impression that your nice conversation is selfishly motivated. That ruins the power of dialogue. Do engage in dialogue without asking for something material or personal. If you find it difficult to avoid this habit, then you become the giver and not the receiver. After all, it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35).

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below. Tell us how you intend to improve the dialogue with the one close to your heart.

 

 

 

A Teaching From The Reverend PC Akubueze

Used Under Permission. Copyright 2019

 

About the author

A music journalist, writer, and member of a great team of Relationship Experts. Carlos also serves as the site administrator.
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shedrach derek

Communication is key in all relationship, and for us to improve dialogue in relationship we need to do away pride an understand our partners need, let not make our pertners to be uncomfortable when the are around us an we should accept them for who they are not who we want them to be.

Sam Ogbeche Sam

Thanks for this wonderful article. Mistakes has always been part of human race and no one is above mistakes except our creator that own the universe. For any human to say he /she don’t make mistakes that means that human is telling lies. To my own knowledge and understanding,the best thing is for we to always accept our mistakes when we do commit one and quickly apologize to anyone the mistakes cost. Because by so doing anyone that is around us will definitely know that we are not the proud ones. So if you want to live a free and fulfill life the best the is for you to always acknowledge your mistakes and make adjustment if need be so as not to offend anyone and our spouse.

Vapz

Even though after so many years ,I have come to realize that marriage doesn’t have any fast rules. I do agree with some of the 13 best practices for couples to enhance dialogue. Communication is one of the topmost necessities of any marriage or even relationship. It is always good to keep the communication Lines open between spouses to ensure that the relationship doesn’t detriotate. Enhanced dialogue will help the spouses feel cared about and listened to. Nice piece,it was worth the read.

Ola

Great Content and Information!

What a concise and thorough article. I found the post very detailed and Informative. So so many useful tips and tricks all on one page! Wonderful! I bookmarked to look further. Marriage is the best thing we can ever enjoy in life if we live it the right way. I learnt alot from this article and I am hopeful I will make a good home with all your tips. Thanks for the live changing sensitization

Ayodeji

Wonderful writeup. I have always avoided your 10th point. In marriages, criticism begins on a low key in most cases and escalates over time, forming a downward spiral with increasing resentment. If you feel that your marriage has any sign of trouble early on, seek help. The couples that are most successful are kind to each other. When discussing touchy topics, they avoid saying any critical thoughts and find ways to express their needs and concerns respectfully without criticizing or blaming their partner. 

Seyi

Firstly, I would like to sincerely appreciate you for this article, it has blessed my day as I have really learnt somethings here. My major problem with my partner is having to speak when I’m not done talking, it annoys me to the bone and in a bid for her to quickly shut the whole thing off,she just jumps in and say it’s okay,she’s sorry. I know it’s not a genuine apology, she just wants to shut me off. I know I can sometimes not speak when I’m expected to, I think that’s one of my flaws, all in all, this Post has blessed me and I’m definitely gonna act based on this process you listed here. Thanks

phranell86

The ability to communicate freely without any form of hindrance is very important in keeping any relationship going. Whether it is done face to face or through some other media, I believe couples should spend some quality time talking to each other. Many marital relationships have fallen apart due to lack of communication. 

More than anything else, couples need to pay more attention to themselves, especially, when the other person has something to say. A lot of couple fail at this because they are in a hurry to give a response or pretend to be listening when in fact they are not.

If you are not genuinely interested in your partner’s discussion, they can easily see through it. And, this will stifle further communication.

Thanks for sharing these beautiful tips. I have gained a lot from them. Most men are always so quick to offer a solution when they should be listening. It is sad but true.

Dave Sweney

There is plenty of good advice in this post on best practices for couples to enhance dialogue with one another. It can be extremely difficult over the years to keep a relationship alive and thriving, it does take work on both parts of the couple. I know from a Man’s perspective this is really daily work.

If you really love your spouse you will take on the work of maintaining it and this goes for both the man and the woman. I and my wife have been married for 42 years now, and we are still together. We have had rough times too, and some of that was due to the points you highlight.

The two that come to the forefront are thinking before you talk and talking slowly. Once words are out there, they cannot be taken back. That is not so good if you are letting emotion take over your words, as you often will say things you may not mean. 

Better to listen twice as much as you speak too. That is why God gave us two ears and only one mouth (although some people seem to have two sides to their mouth!). Listening is a real skill that will be exercised a lot in a relationship, or at least in ours it has been.

I see this article as a really good starting point for a dialogue between partners so they can clear the air of any of these areas you mention that may be causing them problems. I enjoyed the post and have bookmarked it for myself (and my wife). Thanks!  

Barrywesley

I want to commend you for taking out time to write this article on 13 best practices for couples to enhance dialogue. These 13 best practices for couples to enhance dialogue are principles that should be practiced every day between two couples, if not there will be problems arising. I also think that couples should be able to know, study and understand there nonverbal communication skills. This is another aspect that brings problems between two couples, when they don’t understand each others nonverbal communication 

Adamuts

Every relationship and home should make Christ as there foundation. I’m happy to read this lovely post about  13 Best Practices For Couples To Enhance Dialogue I would say it an eye opener. I also love the way you highlighted your points. I have been following your blog posts for a long time because your posts are always educative and I must tell you this is not an exception.thank you for your research and word of knowledge. Best regards 

Tohin

As I was reading through this article, I had to take myself through some thorough self-reflection.

I have to admit that some of these are things I am guilty of myself. Now I have to adjust and try to always listen well, not cut in when the second person is still speaking, speak clearly and concisely , and when it is right for me to talk instead of keeping quiet to avoid being misundertood will always speak out my mind.

I just like you know that relationships isues are beyond skin colors, languages, and tribes. And they could be experienced by anyone in the human race. And, I truly hope all coulpes out there will find solace and solutions to whatever is keeping them apart.

Thanks for all these wonderful tips and advice, they were really a wakeup call for me!

Jay

Keeping a marriage alive until death separates them is an everyday effort. Most of the time all it takes is better communication and understanding your partner. By communicating and understanding your partner a lot of problems can be avoided in a marriage that can lead to divorce. 

Both partners have to put in effort in making their marriage work. It is not easy and there are times when it might seem like they are drifting apart. This can occur even in the strongest of marriages. Understanding what is happening to cause this drift can go a long way. 

Most times couples therapy can help as it would be able to make both partners have a heart to heart discussion and find out exactly what is going on.

Peace

Hi Tyoyu.
Your article on how to improve dialogue In couples, is so full of wisdom. I am even more impressed with the addition of scriptures in the the post.
God founded marriage and it’s only through following His wisdom and precepts that we can achieve ultimate happiness in marriage.
I learned alot from your article, most especially that we should avoid keeping silent when we should speak. That struck a cord for me.

Dapoach

I have instantly bookmarked your page. This information is too good to ignore. In fact after reading your post, i realized i have been the cause for many of my past relationship failures as i am guilty of three points you listed including not allowing my partner to finish talking before i interfere also, i have not been a very good listener. Am so happy once again to come across your post. Please i would love to keep in touch with you personally, would be glad you get back to me. Thanks in anticipation.

jaykaynigltd

“13 Best Practices for Couples to Enhance Dialogue” is a great article, thoroughly put together.  Every relationship need to be maintained and serviced for a smooth and happy running. Reading through your list I found myself guilty of most of them even though I am married for 3 years.
In any relationship communication is the key, and you have slated out the way to maintain a good relationship by proper communication.
I believe that any couples that can take to these points you’ve slated out here should be able to maintain a good relationship and by extension be happy.
Thank you for sharing this; you may be saving someone’s relationship!
I look forward to reading more of this type of information on this page

Ayockson

Marriage contribute enormously to the growth of a society and as well contribute to the degeneration of a society, all these contributions depends on the couple in question. Divorce is not new to us, it everywhere, its happens in our neighborhood, society and we watch it on television as well. Allot of marriages suffered from divorce due to lack of understanding between the two parties, husband always want to prove he’s right and wife also claim she’s right and since no one is ready to admit he’s wrong conflict Will step in and divorce become the ultimate remedy.

Divorce can actually be eradicated if the 13 guidelines you gave in your article are applied. For love to sustain a family (marriage) understanding one another must be a key point. Couple must understand that no one is perfect and everyone has his or her weaknesses, once this point are recognize it will go along way.

Also, for one to keep his marriage going he or she must be a good listener ” listen more and talk less”, talk only when it’s necessary and important. Think before you utter a word, the wise adage says ” only a fool talk without thinking”, when you don’t think before talking you may end up hurting the other person which will lead to lots of crisis. The last point I’ll talk about is forgiveness, even God himself do forgive, what more of you a mortal being. Learn to forgive no matter the magnitude of the offense, by so doing you too would be forgiven. When one applies all of these in his or her marital life, all other positive things will fall in right place for his or her marriage life.

Yormith96

Most of the issues in recent marriages is the advent of advanced technologies. Imagine a husband trying to communicate with his wife in the same room and makes use of chat on his smart phone instead of speaking verbally to her. Also most marriage issues has been affected by both parties not ready to listen to the other before responding which leads to misunderstanding. Also always try to accept when you are wrong and learn to apologise. Good article 

Tyoyu

Great to hear from you thanks

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