The thrill, the anxiety, and ah, the one million prepping questions that boggle your mind. Who doesn’t feel it? It happens to the best of us. So, it’s two hours before you meet a potential partner who you really like and admire. You’re wondering: What do I say? What don’t I say? Will I be good and satisfactory enough? Will he or she like me? And yeah, you know them all.
A first date is a truly beautiful experience. It’s where two people from totally different backgrounds sit across from each other and consider if they would like to build something meaningful together in the future. For a Christian, it’s not just about fun. It’s an opportunity to communicate one’s intentions clearly with wisdom, reflect the character of Christ, and discern if a potential date is fit as a godly partner to do life with.
Although we can’t explicitly say that there were dates in the Bible, we do know of the story of Esther who was prepared for a while before she could go on her “first date” with the king. Check her story out in Esther 2:12-17. The Bible also speaks about the Lover of our Soul, Jesus, coming in to dine with us if we invite Him in as He gently knocks on the door of our hearts (Rev. 3:20).
So, if you’re wondering how to behave on a first date that will help you enjoy the experience whilst still keeping you sober-minded, I pray this helps. It will reveal 9 ways to behave on a first date. Although the advice is for a first date, it can be generalized to your subsequent dates. Read on and be blessed.
9 Ways To Behave on a First Date
1. Tell God about it
Darn! Even a date? Of course, mon ami. Even a date. Sometimes, we like to think that God is some busy King who cares only about the bigger things like our purpose, calling, career, or marriage, but somehow doesn’t concern Himself with trivial matters such as this.
But to think that is farcical. God wants to be very involved in every area of your life, including your love life. He wrote the story, and He wants to guide you through it. So, yes. Talk to God about it – openly, sincerely, and with leeway. The Bible tells us to pray about everything (1 Thess. 5:17; Phil. 4:6-7).
So, tell Him if you like the person in question. Tell Him to calm your anxiety and help you relax and enjoy the experience. Tell Him to help you be your authentic self. Also ask Him for grace to be wise and discerning, so you can be on your guard.
You could even ask the Holy Spirit to suggest a dress idea, and boy! Would you be stunned! There’s no better Friend than Him. He loves you much more than you could ever imagine, and is delighted to hear you out. Tell it to your Dad, will ya!
2. Be Yourself
I totally get it. As humans, children of the King or not, we tend to impress. I mean, who doesn’t like to put his best foot forward? First impressions matter, or so it is said. So we can unintentionally treat a first date like a Forbes interview.
We flaunt our achievements and say the right things expected of us that we think the other person would like. Sometimes, we even rehearse the answers before coming. Although prepping is good, authenticity is way better. Be yourself.
Dress in a way that makes the real you shine through. Don’t borrow a personality that you think a potential partner would want. Simply be you. If you pretend, the real you can’t stay hidden in the ground forever. It will surface with time.
The Lord desires and delights in trustworthy people (Prov. 12:22). He looks at the heart, and a true partner walking in the Lord desires to see your heart beyond the façade (1 Sam. 16:7). So present your real self, not your resume – wise, but honest and willing to grow.
3. Be there on time
There are little things that we take for granted, like being on time. Time and time again, we’re late for events, meetings, family reunions, and you name it. We’ve become so accustomed to it that it doesn’t irk us anymore, even when the other person is displeased by it.
One thing that a lack of punctuality does is that it communicates: You are not ‘so’ important. I have something more valuable to attend to than this. When I am through with what matters most, I will come back to you.
And it’s no truer than on a date. No matter who the person is, if you have agreed to a time and venue, try all you can to be there and on time. If you can’t make it due to genuine reasons beyond your control, communicate it honestly, thoughtfully, and with respect.
Scripture enjoins us to respect everyone, be people of integrity, and do everything as though it were for the Lord (1 Pet. 2:17; 1 Chron. 29:17; Col. 3:23). A date shouldn’t be treated any less. You’re a Princess, ma cherie. Act like one.
4. Don’t just speak, listen actively
Whether we admit it or not, there’s an intrinsic desire that’s endemic to the world: the need to be seen and heard. There’s something powerful that happens when you can share your story and have someone listen – really listen.
People who leave a lasting impression in the lives of others are not always those who gave their best opinions, but those who gave a listening ear. God Himself is a shining paragon of this (Ps. 10:17). On a first date, resist the urge to simply share your life story without taking time to listen to that of your date.
Instead, learn from Scripture in James 1:19. Listen, really listen, and speak less. Ask follow-up questions too. And don’t redirect every question to focus on yourself. Show that you are genuinely interested in the person sitting across from you.
And again, please, put your phone away – completely. Don’t keep glancing at it after every ten seconds, even if you’re Bill Gates’ son. Being totally present is a gift. It may not mean much to you, but for the person sitting across from you, it may leave him or her feeling heard, seen, understood, and loved – and that’s the goal, eh?
5. Know and Guard Your Boundaries
I can imagine the feeling; when you’re so heated up in a confab with someone you deeply admire, and he or she seems to reciprocate the same feelings. Because there’s chemistry, the body would also want to respond. And not just sexually, though that is there too. Even emotionally.
For example, you may unwittingly begin to share sensitive information about trauma you may have experienced in the past, or the woes and throes of your ex(es) and past relationships, or you may even disclose a health crisis you have. Guarding your boundaries is not about being dishonest; it’s about being wise and establishing trust and commitment before divulging.
It’s just a first date. Again, concerning physical touch or some show of affection, you need not pressure your date into something he or she is not cool with or lead your date on either. And don’t be reticent when things are not going your way. Neither should you extend the time intentionally with the hope that it would lead to something more.
Your body is sacred. It is God’s Temple (1 Cor. 6:18-20). Treat it with the respect it deserves. Also choose a safe, public space. Inform a trusted person about your date, and choose a time that’s convenient and right for a date.
6. Be Kind and Generous
Before we delve into this, there’s a caveat: please, don’t do this simply because you want to win your date’s heart. Let it be an outflow of a heart surrendered to God and abounding in the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). So yes, we may continue. Kindness. One word, lasting impact.
Be kind. Be gracious. Be generous. In your conversation, bring warmth without waiting for your date to generate it. Offer an honest, thoughtful compliment. When your date gaffes, be gracious. Give the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t spend time ranting about how dissatisfied you are with the setting, food, or bonhomie of the staff. Instead, also show kindness to people present, including the staff that doesn’t seem to matter. Concerning who pays the bill, it would be fitting that if you initiated the date, then you should come prepared to pay.
This doesn’t mean that if you did not, you should not offer to, but there should be an understanding, and not entitlement or self-centeredness. God sure loves a cheerful giver! (2 Cor. 9:7)
7. Be Curious. Don’t Just Interrogate
A point above focused on listening more than speaking. And this point is closely intertwined. When on a first date, don’t just sit up there in your chair, with a contorted face, and a mien that screams “I’m here strictly for business!”, and read up your already prepared questions as though you came for an interview to work at Google.
Let the conversation be natural and flow. Yes, you can ask thoughtful, helpful questions about faith, hobbies, likes and dislikes, and the like, but let each conversation follow the other. Be interested in the person you are speaking with. Ask questions in that regard, and let your date feel that way.
Proverbs 20:5 talks about how a man of wisdom draws out the purposes in a man’s (or woman’s) heart. With curiosity, you can also actively engage your date and truly get to know him or her without oversharing.
Another tip to get you ahead would be to keep the conversation balanced. Don’t delve into weighty life matters on a first date, but don’t make your interactions jejune either. C’mon, you’ve got this!
8. Manage Your Anxiety And Nervousness With Grace
Take a chill pill, my darling. Relax. (Oh, but how can I relax? What if I mess it up and act like a bozo?) We all have these thoughts as we plan for or even start a date. If we’re not careful, this can lead us to behave in ways that are not true to ourselves.
The date becomes mechanical and performative, instead of natural. Again, we could overtalk, overshare, or undershare. Maybe again, we could begin downplaying compliments and achievements because of a false sense of humility. All these can make the date cataclysmic.
Instead, before the date, acknowledge to yourself that you are nervous. While on the date, you could even casually tell this to your date. It may reduce the pressure. And for a child of God, don’t forget our first point.
Tell your Daddy in simple terms: Dad, I’m nervous. I don’t think I can handle this. I think I may do something stupid. Please, help your princess. I trust you. (Phil. 4:6-7) And believe me, that works like magic!
9. Be Honest and Clear About Your Intentions
Now this is something, eh? If you’re a very kind person who does not like to offend others, you may find yourself agreeing with everything your date says even when it’s not your sincere opinion. Other times, after the date, you may find yourself dissatisfied but still trying to manufacture enthusiasm and connection.
While it’s unkind and uncouth to dismiss the other person as you would a rogue, it’s also unkind to lead the person on when you’re sure you have no feelings. You can appreciate the other person while speaking the truth politely. Scripture enjoins us to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15, 25).
Sometimes, it can even mark a new beginning for your date or you both. Again, if you’re dating with marriage in mind, communicate it clearly with wisdom without overwhelming the other person. As your date ends, appreciate the other person, and don’t leave them in the dark.
If you’d like to take it further, you can ask: “It was such a pleasure meeting you today. I found so and so about you particularly interesting, and I would love us to meet again. Would you be open to that?” And hey, who knows, wedding bells may just be around the corner.
Finally, a first date is a truly beautiful experience filled with anxiety and excitement. May you learn from all that has been shared on how to navigate a first date by being yourself, listening more than you speak, being curious, knowing and guarding your boundaries, communicating clearly and honestly, and yeah, not being a latecomer.
Most importantly, involve your Dad who loves you and desires to be very involved. He’s not too busy, and He wants to be there – with you, by your side. There’s never been a Father who cared more than Him – and there never will be. Go shoot your shot, darl, and oh, don’t forget to holler how it goes.
Till I write to you again, Mene.
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