The Public Opinion – Does It Matter In Marriage?
With the evolution of social media sites, such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other online platforms, the way we look at relationships and marriages has notably changed. Social networking sites have permitted people to meet and connect with other people. It has also given people the laxity to interfere, comment, share views and opinions on the lives of other people, and in some cases, crossing the boundary into people’s private lives. This raises a question on Public Opinion – Does It Matter In Marriage?
While there are pros and cons of social media with respect to relationships, we are going to focus, particularly, on the negative effects of allowing public opinions to override our personal choices in romantic relationships.
The Concept Of Public Opinion
Public opinion consists of the desires, wants, and thinking of the majority of the people. It is the collective opinion of the people of a society or state on an issue or problem. This concept came about through the process of urbanization and other political and social forces.
To be candid, let’s consider that question about Public opinion if it does matter in a marriage. I strongly believe, and some of you would too, that Love isn’t a matter determined by the public. The word ‘Public’ here is used in its general sense, offline and online.
You don’t go to public fora, or to people generally, to ask whom you might fall in love with, although some people in some culture may want to. However, the question isn’t about whether or not they choose a spouse for others, but whether it’s a good practice by virtue of its effects and lasting results. The results in many cases are negative. And by virtue of its results, the practice stands unhealthy to the marital union.
So, Public Opinion – Does It Matter In Marriage? I think it does not! Why? Because of the followings reasons.
1. Because Love Is Not A Product Of Democracy
To make your love democratic means people have to choose for you who becomes your love partner by means of public voting. It also means that you allow people the discretion to dictate, via social media comments and text messages, what happens to your private life. The public doesn’t vote for the one to live with in private.
People can’t just rant on public platforms how you should, you would, or you can live your private life, especially your lives as couples. You don’t need public approval for you to marry someone you love and you don’t need such approval for you to marry someone you don’t love either.
Your spouse shouldn’t come, necessarily, as a result of the social rankings or ratings on public platforms which make the one highly rated or the person ranking at number one to become the spouse– the one you would choose to marry. We see that now our days how people want to privy to what goes on in the private lives of others.
You see, it’s possible on social media that fans predict the private lives of STARS or CELEBRITIES or even anyone who has a following.
Some people when they see a male and a female look good together in a photo, they keep intimating with their comments that they could make a great couple. They insinuate they be married just because they had a great photoshoot together.
The worst is some people fall for this and actually go to fulfill the dreams and wishes of these social media fans with the end result of contracting a marriage so painful and brief. You can look good together in a photograph, but you cannot necessarily be good together as a couple.
Maybe you’ve had someone who you love but because of social media comment ratings on a photo you took with another friend, you changed your mind to marry that friend and let go of the truly found love that you had. See what I’m saying? Social media can destroy relationships or marriages. You have to choose someone you love and not someone the social media rated for you.
This goes further into the movie industry. When People watch movies of male and female actors, who are just friends, but acting romantic roles together, they presume they could make great couples in real life, just because the roles played by the actors fit them. And subsequently, they put pressure on them to become real couples, which might hurt them when they do.
No! You don’t make a great couple because you acted alongside a great-looking friend. That’s a different ball game. You can be together clinging on each other for years as far as it’s a movie, no problems. But if you would try that in real life, that couple might not even last for a year.
In real life, couples look good together because they love each other genuinely and want to spend their lives together. Not because some faction of the social media said so. Not because social media predicted that they would make a great couple. Not because the followers commented that they would have beautiful kids. Not because the fans would love both of them more if they got married.
You could have a painful marital experience because of the PUBLIC opinions concerning your own private life you choose to believe. Don’t fall for it. Marry because you love each other and have dated long enough. Love isn’t a product of democracy. People don’t choose for you. You choose for yourself!
2. Because Love Is Not Imposed Upon Someone
If love were imposed on people, then people’s actions would have a great impact on love in the lives of others. But this isn’t the case, however. Romantic Love is neither imposed nor conferred on someone. It is not because the people wished or said it that it would come to pass.
You don’t speak love into existence in the lives of others. The people can wish for love, talk about love and do things favorable to induce love, yet there may be no love. Love could be really far from such actions, because such actions from others do not bring about love, necessarily. Love isn’t imposed on someone. It comes as the heart wills.
3. Because The Public Can Choose A Couple Who Hates Each Other
When you allow your personal decision in the hands of the public, it poses a problem which is that they might choose someone with whom you have zero chemistry, Zero understanding, and Zero Tolerance. Quite a recipe for disaster, isn’t it? Both of you just don’t get along with each other. A person you don’t even love and who doesn’t love you also. You would have a situation where both of you would be struggling to love each other. It’s very possible for a group of people to contract a marriage between two individuals based on economic and cultural reasons which are far from true love.
It’s you alone who can decide the kind of marriage you want to experience because it is your heart that is involved in loving someone. It takes your heart to know whether there is love for someone or not. Dating is for the two in love. People don’t do that for you. People can instruct, counsel, and help you make informed decisions but they can’t love on your behalf. That is your sole responsibility. The public really doesn’t matter here.
4. Because The Public Can Choose Someone Who Doesn’t Love You
Love isn’t a matter determined by the public. The public might choose based on their own criteria, not yours. They may choose according to what is good to them and not for you. Perhaps, someone they love or someone who loves them. Whoever that person may be, you should be the object of his or her love, not the public. People may choose someone who doesn’t even love you. Love is reciprocal, you know. If you love that person, you also have to be loved. You deserve his or her love too. For love is a mutual thing, a returned and shared feeling. It becomes problematic when it’s one-sided.
5. Because The Public Can Chooses Someone You Too Don’t Love
In love, your choice may not necessarily be the people’s choice. And you must be happy with that! People may make a choice your choice from what they see, analyze, hear, or even from different criteria which have little or nothing to do with how you feel about the person to be loved.
People can do all the “Choosing” part but what they can’t do is the “Loving” part of it. And if they can’t do this part, they shouldn’t even do the choosing for anyone. The people, this includes friends and families, can only help inform your decisions only.
Your questions about a potential lover could get answers from people who have answers to them. They could counsel you and help provide you the information you need about someone for you to know what you are about to do. They could not choose for you but can help make your choice.
And when your choice conflicts with theirs, be very happy with the fact that you made your choice and take responsibility for your action.
6. Because The Public Won’t Live With You At Home
If Love is a matter determined by the public, the question it raises is that, would the public live with you after the marriage? And the answer is No! Only the spouses would be together at home. Even if the public has the possibility to choose for you, it must be understood that the public won’t make up part of the home. The ranting ends online and doesn’t enter your household, yet it can have a devastating effect on your household if you let it.
7. Because The Public Won’t Stand For You At Trouble Times
Public rants only end online and those doing the talking don’t follow you to your home or know your daily activities and struggles. Problems are inevitable if your marriage is a result of public opinion and social media approval and ratings. But then, don’t forget that these people, who you don’t even know personally, won’t be there to live your personal Marital life for you. Your day-to-day decisions are your responsibilities alone. When the issues begin to come, the public would not be there with you or even for you.
You may be surprised that the same public who pushed you into marriage might be the ones behind tremendous philippic against you when it fails. The same public who hailed you prior to marriage may be the same public coming after and against you when things go wrong. When you need their support, you might not find them. Therefore, let those who would feel the pain of their crises decide for themselves what is good for them. Public Opinion – Does It Matter In Marriage? Not at all, dear reader!