The Impeccable Character Of True Love
WHAT IS TRUE LOVE?
What comes to your mind when “true love” is mentioned? Do you think it exists? Do you believe one can actually find true love? In fact, what do you think true love really is? Believe it or not, every single soul on earth is on a quest to find true love – even if one is slow to admit it. There is that innate desire in each one of us to be wanted – to be prized – to know that we matter.
But in this obsession to find true love, there is cause to wonder if we have actually succeeded in experiencing it. Or perhaps, we have just ended up merely chasing and creating it as a product of our imagination.
Many books, articles, podcasts, and shows have tried to define what true love is. In school, I learned that it is a “deep feeling of affection for someone.” And truly, that is not wrong. However, I feel that if we desire to understand a concept, it is better to ask the founder of the concept. For example, you may understand the laws of motion, but I bet that Isaac Newton could expose you to so much more about it. Do you know why? Because he thought it up. The very idea was his. Proving it right was his eureka moment. So the question we’re left with now is, who founded true love?
In the Bible – which is by far the most authentic and trustworthy counsel we can glean from – we are told that God founded love. Not just that, but He Himself is Love (1 Jn. 4:8-16). We know for one thing that God is not a liar (Num. 23:19, Jn. 14:6). So it means that if He is love and at the same time truth, then He is True Love. And because He is, only He can help us understand what true love really is.
God’s love story with us as humans clearly depicts what true love really is. It shows that true love goes beyond mere feelings or proclamations. True love is a verb. It is “demonstrated” (Rom. 5:8, 1 Jn. 4:9). There are tons of things about true love that True Love has revealed to us. But in this piece, we will consider what true love is from the lens of 1 Corinthians 13.
Do keep reading and I hope you discover what true love is and learn how to show it to the one you love.
a) True love endures long and is patient (1 Cor. 13:4):
To “endure” means “to carry on despite obstacles or hardship.”
Now, I know that being in a relationship with someone you love is a surreal experience. And with all the adrenaline gushing through your veins, it may seem to you that just because you’re in cloud 9, you’ll never have a storm. But hey dear, welcome to the part of the globe called life,
where there are ups and downs and roses as well as thorns. It will seem insane to pray for the thorns but most times, that’s the only way we get to hold the roses.
True love is not devoid of thorns. It’s got a couple of them. But true love means that despite them, you still choose to stick with your partner no matter what. Your thorns might be a health challenge, or a job loss, or even a lingering family problem. True love means remaining positive and choosing to carry on as you depend on the true source of love.
b) True love is kind (1 Cor. 13:4):
I have met diverse people in my life. And I can say honestly that those who have left a worthwhile impression on my heart are those who have been courteous, benevolent and warm-hearted to me. These people loved me not just by saying it, but by proving it through random acts of kindness.
As a partner in a relationship, true love means you being eager to do good to your partner – not just when they ask for it, but at every single moment (Gal. 6:9). Think of it as something that becomes more like your default nature. I know that it is easy and “beneficial” to be kind to your partner when courting in a bid to win his (her) heart, but try to ponder on what would actually happen when you eventually say “I do” and get to see the not-so-cool sides of your partner.
True love means choosing to remain warm-hearted and overflowing with goodness despite the imperfections that may unfold.
c) True love is never envious nor boils over with jealousy (1 Cor. 13:4):
Now, this is a tricky one. We all get jealous at some point in our lives. And because of this, it can be hard – and scary to think that your partner is surrounded by the opposite sex all the time – at the office, the supermarket and even online. It takes a great deal of true love not to get envious or feel jealous, especially when your partner whom you love so much meets an ex or talks about a very close “opposite sex” friend.
What makes your love true in this case, however, is the fact that you choose to think differently. Why? Because true love is based on trust, which is a confidence or reliance in the character of someone, who in this case is your partner. If you really trust your partner and you have gotten to know him (her) for who he (she) is, then there really is no need to get jealous – not unless your partner has a character flaw that should ring a bell in your mind.
d) True love is not boastful or vainglorious and does not display itself haughtily (1 Cor. 13:4):
When you are in a relationship with someone you truly love, it should call for some humility on your part. Yes, you may be richer, more intelligent, wiser or you may even have a higher social standing than your partner, but this does not call for you to display your feathers or constantly remind your partner how insignificant he (she) is.
Look at Jesus. He is God Himself, yet He never shoved His titles in our faces (Jn. 10:30, Matt. 11:29). We have never come to Him and heard Him say something like, “Call me your Lord, Master, and The Almighty first.” He is simple, yet He is God. Now that’s true love.
e) True love is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly (1 Cor. 13:5):
I have heard a whole lot about beauty. And from my findings, inner beauty is what matters. Your character is really what determines if someone will truly fall in love with you. There are tons of things about character, but let us talk about your attitude.
Just because you are in a relationship with someone who is tolerant of your flaws does not warrant you to be rude and unmannerly. There are proper ways of behavior and inasmuch as we are all unique and we must not all conform to a particular pattern of doing things, we are still enjoined to live as God would have us (Eph. 4:1).
Yes, you may have had a rough life, but what you need is not a partner to vent your rage on, what you need is a God to heal you wholly (Jer. 30:17).
f) True love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking (1 Cor. 13:5):
What true love will never say is, “My way is the best and only way,” without careful consideration of the other partner’s “way”. True love is not imposing. It gives room for the opinions of others even when these opinions do not really “make sense” in one’s eyes. True love is selfless.
But wait a minute. Does being selfless also mean keeping shut when you are supposed to speak out and following your partner blindly even when he (or she) is wrong? Let us consider our model of love personified.
Our Lord Jesus let go of His glory and comfort so He could die for us (Matt. 20:28). This is by far the purest example of selflessness and ultimately, true love. But then, when He was on earth, He did not just go by everything the people He loved told Him simply because He wanted to prove that He was selfless. Neither was He imposing and forcing everyone to do as He wanted.
Rather, He told His bride the truth lovingly, whilst not neglecting His own purpose in a bid to please her.
So, as a partner in a relationship who desires to show true love, it is expedient to not be imposing with your opinions. And still, do not cage them in but lovingly help your partner see things from your perspective and be willing to let your opinions go if they are not the best options.
g) True love is not touchy or fretful or resentful (1 Cor. 13:5):
Living with my grandmother has taught me a lot of things. Here’s one: no matter how good-natured you are or try to be, being with people can get you pissed off sometimes. And you know why? Because you are totally different persons with different personalities, irrespective of whether you are of the same faith, race or age.
As a partner in a relationship, true love does not mean that you won’t get pissed off by your significant other. Boy, I can bet you that you will – many times. But what makes love true is that you are not peevish – letting the slightest joke get you upset or worse hanging on to hurt until you lose all your teeth.
h) True love takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong] (1 Cor. 13:5) :
Okay, now your partner has placed the last straw on your little tiny back and it’s about to break! What do you do? You do what True Love will do and forgive (Lk. 23:34). You forgive and refuse to place the wrong done to you in your Diary of Offenders which you can recount another day.
The Bible says to take no account of it and strikingly to pay no attention to it. This shows that you are to shift your focus from the wrong done to you and focus on the positive sides of your partner.
But this does not mean that you will not take out time to talk about issues and iron them out. Or that you will keep on ignoring all the offenses and dying slowly inside because you want to truly love. True love is certainly not folly. God whom we have wronged enjoins us to sit at a table and reason together (Isa. 1:18).
i) True love does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness (1 Cor. 13:6) :
Someone who truly loves you will not make you go against what God wants you to be or do. He (she) will respect your boundaries; be it physical, psychological, emotional, and even sexual.
True love is not proven by sex. True love makes you prize your partner and wait for God’s perfect time to unravel His gift to you.
Also, true love will not make you play with your partner’s heart. It will make you act justly and kindly, knowing that your partner is human too – not a teddy.
j) True love rejoices when right and truth prevail (1 Cor. 13:6):
It’s common for some guys to tell “little” lies in order to woo the lady they want. But we know that a foundation built on lies cannot stand. It is very possible to be truthful and honest and still get the person you want. In fact, that is true love. When you persuade your partner with lies, you’re in for serious trouble when they discover the truth. Honesty builds trust. And when you communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you pave the way for a true friendship that has Jesus as the anchor.
k) Love bears up under anything and everything that comes (1 Cor. 13:7):
Many things will try to test the strength, genuineness, and infallibility of your love for your partner. Parents will, and so will your friends and “enemies,” and even the both of you. Yes, you will have times when you have cause to wonder if you’re truly meant for each other.
In times like these, prayer is crucial as involving God gives you focus and also clarity and direction on what to do (Ps. 16:7). Also, if you’re confident you’re in God’s will, then hold still. True love will bear up against just about any giant. You’ve got this.
l) True love is ever ready to believe the best of every person (1 Cor. 13:7):
Really? In an era where so many people have been hurt by the pretense of others, it can be hard for you to believe the best of any person. Sometimes, you may be with your partner and still have doubts about him (or her). Now, this is where you need God’s healing. There are truly good people in life who will not hurt you and really mean it when they say that they love you. Of course, they might make mistakes but you have to make the choice to believe the best of them. If Love has led you, then trust that He will keep you.
Also, true love does not just let you believe the best of your partner, it helps your partner be his (her) best self even as you do same. True love does not stifle your person but lets you express yourself in your originality. Your true person is what is trusted by someone who really loves you.
m) True love hopes and is fadeless under all circumstances (1 Cor. 13:7):
You know, sometimes God sails you through the boat of hope. Before you say, “I do” to your partner, you may never really know what’s in there for you. You might have a great sixth sense, but the best you can do is hope. This is why I still maintain that you do not drift from the one who is truly Love.
In another case, you might have already committed, but things are starting to go awry in just two years after you have said, “I do”. What do you do? You keep hoping for the best as you work it out. And this not just a baseless hope in yourself or the lifestyle magazine lying on your couch, but hoping in the One who will never fail. True love keeps the hope – and yeah, it never disappoints (Rom. 5:5).
n) True love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end] (1 Cor. 13:8):
Finally, true love never really comes to an end. But you may wonder? Many marriages end in separation. Some end in divorce and sometimes, the love indeed grows cold. Does it mean that it was never true love? You know what?
True love does not mean that because there are problems in your relationship, there was really no love. I still will like to reiterate that if you have genuinely committed your relationship to God and you are confident that He is leading you, then do not lose hope. True Love will surely intervene – if you run to Him. He never fades away (Matt. 24:35).
He is interested in you and only He can show you and help you show what true love really is because He is true love. It may sound daunting and I’m sure you may not have gotten it all figured out yet. But keep your hopes high and hold your anchor (Heb. 6:19-20). When you begin to experience true love for yourself and in your relationship, you’ll be the grateful one. Enough talk already. Shall we begin the love-walk?
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