What is Sacrifice in a Relationship and Why Does it Matter?
There’s no love without sacrifice. Agree or not? I am pretty confident you must have had it said – to you or others: “I am willing to give up the world for you.” But in reality, how many people are ready to do that? Many people are not willing to give up an hour of their time, not to mention their entire world.
A couple of weeks ago, a loved one did something really nice for me. My first inclination was to return the favor. But I did not know how to. As if spurred by my indecision, my thoughts began to turn to how I could navigate the situation without paying back the favor. Selfish? Maybe that’s the word.
But thinking further, I realized that when people you love do things for you, it does not always mean that it is convenient for them. When someone buys you something, it’s their hard-earned money they’re giving out. Time? They may have a lot of things on their plate. Even when you choose to do the dishes as a wife, no one pays you for that. Your husband may not even be appreciative. But true love cannot survive without sacrifice. God modelled this (Jn. 3:16, Rom. 5:8).
So, in this piece, we will consider what sacrificial love really is, and why it is important, with a focus on godly romantic relationships. Stay with me.
What is Sacrificial Love?
I think the question we should start with should be: what is sacrifice?
My English dictionary defines “sacrifice as “to give away something valuable to get at least a possibility of something else of value.” There are some things I notice from this statement. Here they are:
– First, sacrifice involves “giving up”. As a caveat, this is never nice. To give up sounds like surrender. It sounds like defeat.
– Next, sacrifice involves giving up something valuable. It’s easy to give up something that has little worth. But true sacrifice gives up something valuable.
– Lastly, sacrifice helps you gain something of greater value. In the context of relationships, it’s not really about prosperity or about getting your partner’s body. It’s more about intangible things like trust, respect, and commitment. But let me just say this here. If your motive for sacrifice is simply to gain, then you are not truly sacrificing. It’s true that your sacrifice will be rewarded with something of greater value, but it should come from a place of sincere, genuine love, not merely the desire to gain. Get it?
So now, to what sacrifice entails in a godly relationship
Sacrifice in godly relationships means willingly giving up personal desires, comfort, pride, or even rights for the sake of love, unity, and the well-being of the other person (who, in this case, is your spouse or partner) with Christ at the center. It mirrors Christ’s sacrificial love (Eph. 5:2).
Of course, God, who loves us with a pure heart, proved it by sending His Son not just to roam the Earth, but to die for our sins (Jn. 3:16). You know the best part? We were undeserving (Rom. 5:8). Yet it never stopped Him. Why? Because He loves us (1 Jn. 4:9-10).
Now, do you get why I say that there is no love without sacrifice? God giving up His Son models what sacrificial love is. And if you are ever to enjoy a relationship with your spouse or partner, then you must be willing to lay aside what you want for the benefit and well-being of your spouse and the relationship.
This does not mean that you lose yourself or compromise on your stands or beliefs. But it sure means that you learn to put your partner first (without losing yourself), and not only think about yourself (Phil. 2:3-4). Learn to ask yourself when doing anything that involves you two or the family: Is this coming from a place of selfish ambition or is it for the mutual benefit of all? This can keep you on track.
Sacrifice in relationships can be manifested in several ways, such as through patience and forgiveness, commitment, giving of quality time, empathy, and selflessness. We will explore these in a later post. But for now, we’ve been talking about sacrifice. So, why sacrifice? Is it of any importance? Are we laying down our lives for nothing? Let’s find out!
Why Does Sacrifice Matter in Godly Relationships?
1. It is a way to model God’s relationship with us
As children of God, one of God’s commands and greatest desire is that we become like Him as we imitate Him (Rom. 8:29, Eph. 5:1). If He laid down His life for the ones He loves, then He expects us to do the same (1 Jn. 3:16). Now, before you think: why does God just sit up there and give us the “hard” commands? I’ll tell you this: It’s because, contrary to popular opinion, in God’s kingdom, you gain your life by losing it (Matt. 16:25).
God is not as much interested in fleeting things. He is eternal, so He wants His children to think and act that way (Col. 3:2, Rom. 12:2). And you know what? I have come to realize that: His way is better – always has, always been. Yes, it may not be easy. But as you choose to honor God by imitating Him through sacrificial love, you invite His presence, and He comes to dwell in your relationship, giving you what this world can never offer.
2. It builds deeper connections and stronger bonds
I mentioned earlier that a loved one did something really special for me. I could not help but hug her warmly and affectionately. I prayed for her sincerely from my heart. I meant the love I was giving to her. And our relationship grew stronger. See, there’s something that happens when you choose to lay down your pride and your personal desires, for the benefit of your spouse or your relationship.
It shows your partner that you truly care. You are not just saying it. You mean every word. When you truly place yourself in your partner’s shoes, and choose to do the hard things – like listen, empathize – your partner feels strongly attached to you. He or she will connect with you strongly because he or she can see you walking the talk. His or her love won’t come from a place of coercion. It will flow as a natural response.
3. It builds trust and emotional safety
The Bible reminds us that if God did not spare us His own Son, then we can trust Him to also graciously give us all things (Rom. 8:32). There’s something that happens when someone loves you sacrificially. That is, this person loves you just for being who you are, expects nothing in return, and even proves his or her love for you. It always leads to deeper trust and emotional safety in that person. It’s quite sad that some spouses or partners are in relationships with people they do not trust.
This happens because their partners may have overtly or silently given the impression, “I’ll do what I want. You’re a later option. You do not really matter to me.” But when a partner gets the impression that, “I may have something to do, but you matter to me more than this temporary feeling or comfort,” it builds trust. It’s almost impossible not to trust someone who can give up his or her life for you.
4. It fosters commitment
When you practice sacrificial love, it’s easier to stay committed to your relationship. Most people who run away at the first sign of inconvenience may have never really understood what true love is, because true love endures (See 1 Cor. 13:7). It’s always easier to back down when the chips are down. But sacrificial love says, “I know you may not be perfect, but I am willing to stick with you in your process of becoming all that God wants you to be.”
And you know what? Someone with this mindset is several times more likely to experience a thriving relationship than someone who cannot discipline himself or herself to remain committed. If your marriage will stand the test of time, then you need commitment. And for commitment to be complete, sacrifice must not be lacking, because boy, you will be tested.
5. It promotes unity and oneness
The Bible tells us that a wife and husband are one flesh (Eph. 5:31). It goes further to tell us that husbands and wives are to love and submit to each other out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21). They should love themselves as though they were their own bodies (because technically, they are!). No one would treat his or her body with contempt. No one would land a slap on his or her body because he or she is angry (See Eph. 5:22-33).
When you practice sacrifice in love, you acknowledge that you and your spouse are one. And because you will treat yourself well, you will do the same for your partner. When your partner sees that you operate from a sacrificial heart, it spurs him or her to submit and participate constructively because he or she knows that you are not speaking from a place of selfishness, but love. So it is easier for you to walk together for the progress of the relationship.
6. It kills selfishness
Isn’t selfishness the root of many conflicts today? Many relationships have gone down the drain simply because it was an “I thing,” and not a “We thing”. It seems that most of society is obsessed with “me, me, me,” and they carry this ideology into their relationships. Of course, it’s not wrong to love yourself (Mk. 12:33). In fact, it’s the love that God has poured into your heart by His Spirit that equips you to genuinely love others (Rom. 5:5). But when you become overly obsessed with yourself, it brings problems.
One of the cures for selfishness is selflessness expressed through sacrifice. When you consciously go against what you want for the benefit of the one you love, then you are killing your “self” and loving like Christ with all humility (Phil. 2:5-8). See, there’s a reason God advises us to think of others above ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4). It’s because that’s the way to truly enjoy life. Again, it does not mean hating or not looking after yourself. But it means not idolizing yourself at the detriment of the ones you love. Capish?
7. It helps you mature
One of the divine purposes of marriage is that it helps you grow to maturity (Eph. 5:26-27). Many times, growth does not happen when everything is rosy and you’re all lovey-dovey. Maturity comes with hard things. The ability to give up. The ability to stay committed even when it’s discomforting. The ability to press on and unravel the potential in your partner even when it seems you’re not making headway.
This is one of the ways God grows us. It is how He forms the Christ-like attitude in us. If we were all to behave the way we wanted, we would all go our selfish ways. But God has something better and more fulfilling for us. As established earlier, God does not want us to conform to His image because He hates us. Rather, He loves us and desires us to enjoy true, lasting, abundant life (Jn. 10:10). Is it always easy? Nope. Not in the least. But is it worth it? You can bet your life on it!
Finally, loving sacrificially is not a one-day job. It is an everyday, moment-by-moment thing. It sure does rival popular opinion, but it holds promise for a more fulfilling future for you, your spouse, and your relationship. But you cannot do it on your own. You need the help of the Holy Spirit (Jn. 14:16, 15:5). Join me as we say this prayer:
“Dear Lord, thank You for You. Thank You for Your sacrifice. Teach me to be like You and may I enjoy Your presence and blessings in my relationship, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Thank you for reading. Stay sacrificial. Stay blessed.
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