I love social media. It helps me connect with people all around the world. It provides a platform where I can share my faith. And it allows me to learn from the very best. But one certain day, it dawned on me that I had lost it. I knew I had lost it when I could not do without it.
I would post a picture and crave a like, especially from someone I was admiring. Not only that, but I would be in the midst of people and obviously be on my screen, or if I could not, pray for the conversation to be over as soon as possible so that I could face my screen again. I could not tell if I had a real life apart from the one on social media.
Hey, I see you. And I know I’m definitely not alone in this. Ready to confess? Scratch that.
Truly, social media is an incredible platform that I believe finds its inspiration in God – the Giver of all knowledge, wisdom, ideation, and creativity (Prov. 2:6). But just as everything in this fallen world tends toward imperfection, social media has its flaws too. If you’re not careful, something created for your good and benefit will end up ruining you.
Today in this piece, we will consider how social media negatively impacts relationships with a focus on romantic relationships. I pray it gives you light. Do read on!
1. It weakens face-to-face interactions
These days, everywhere you go, people seem more obsessed with their mobile devices that they forget what is happening in the world around them. Even though social media enhances connectedness and makes communication easier and convenient, especially in long-distance relationships,
it can never beat the bond that is formed and shared when two partners converse together over coffee at breakfast or on a long walk across town. Apart from the facial expressions like eye contact and some forms of physical touch, just being present speaks volumes to your partner. It says that you value him or her enough to leave the other things that matter to you, so you can be with him or her. Social media does not always – if ever – guarantee this.
2. It spurs obsession with sharing everything online
As I studied some books of the Bible, especially Nehemiah and Daniel, I learned a vital lesson. Not everything about your life or relationship must be shared offline or even online. Of course, you can share with godly and mature people you trust. But these days, almost every couple wants to show off their picture-perfect relationship online. Whether we admit it or not, the world we live in is evil.
You should be discerning enough to agree with your partner on what goes online and what does not. Silence the pressure. Besides that, there are real, beautiful moments to be enjoyed with your partner without the prying eyes of a camera. I do not deny that it’s good, especially as Christian couples, to model what a godly marriage should be like. I have, in particular, been blessed by couples who do, but what sacred, unique thing is left if everything is shared online?
3. Its addiction sets in
Just like you can be addicted to alcohol, drugs, or porn, you can also be addicted to social media. When you discover that you just can’t do without viewing Instagram or Facebook reels early in the morning and your first inclination during any free time you get is to log onto social media, then it might be a sign that you are addicted to it.
When a partner makes a ‘bid’ to you, say, in the form of asking a question that should spark meaningful conversation or perhaps offers you a hug from the heart, but you seem more interested in your mobile device, it weakens your partner’s commitment to you over time. Before you know it, you are miles apart.
4. It makes way for constant comparison
Social media makes it so easy to compare yourself with others. Your friend and her boo just travelled to England. You’ve not yet taken that in. You sight your other friend’s ‘baby bump’. Still another shows off her recent award with her husband smiling cheekily with her.
After seeing that, you become agitated and feel sad because your partner does not have a car yet. You have never even driven to the next state in your country. But hey, you have no idea what their circumstances are. Whether they are pretending or not, Jesus is saying to you what He said to Peter: “What is that to you? You follow me” (Jn. 21:22).
5. It makes way for insecurities and low self-esteem
I dare to make a bold claim: there is no ‘ugly’ influencer on social media. I may be wrong or right. But with the way everybody on social media looks packaged and beautiful, it’s quite hard to simply be original. It looks like if you’re petite, or too tall, or too dark, or have freckles or a disability, you have missed the mark. I dare to ask again: who made the mark?
Truly, there are some people of the same gender and even the opposite sex who shame others, leading to the victims feeling less of themselves, so much so that even if genuine partners come along, they feel too unworthy or constantly compare themselves with others. A genuine partner may find this annoying unless he/she is really committed to the person in question. No one may tell you this, but you rock, girl! (Ps. 139:14) Be an original.
6. It increases the possibility of infidelity
The possibility of randomly running into your ex about thirty years ago was quite slim, especially if you live in different locations. Now, all it takes is a ‘love’ reaction or harmless “How’ve you been? Let’s meet up” on your social media post, and your emotions go haywire. You can bet that the devil will certainly come to you at a time when you are most vulnerable, like when you just had a fight with your partner over the lack of gas in the old rickety car, while your ex’s profile picture shows him reclining on a Porsche.
Trust me, it’s going to take real discipline and self-control by the Holy Spirit to say no. And because the enemy never gives up, there might come a time when, with consistent stalking, you may just give it a try. But that won’t be your portion.
7. It stifles real-life attention
Some partners become so obsessed with the online world, especially when they have aficionados and followers to impress, that they give little to no attention to what is happening in real life. To this end, they miss blessings disguised as moments in the present. Little blessings like the sun shining in a blue sky, or purple and yellow flowers dancing around your yard, or the giggle of a baby nearby, or even the smile of your partner, are things you should not trade for only online validation.
Some partners even become terrible parents and spouses in their roles, all because they’re trying to keep up with some imaginary ” online royal title”. And because they’re always trying to reach some indefinite height, they become irritable, joyless, and depressed, making their partners less delighted in them.
8. It can cause jealousy
Constant communication with someone online, or your past relationships with your exes on social media, can make your partner jealous even though nothing exists between you anymore. Again, the more you compare your partner to someone else, or yourself to some standard on social media, the more likely you or your partner are to become jealous. This can lead to over-possessiveness or it can result in something you will regret.
Other times, social media can also make you misread signals. For example, your partner may be communicating with someone frequently on social media for solely formal reasons, but your emotions can get you into trouble if you are not careful and do not allow yourself to be led by the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:25-26).
9. It paves the way for miscommunication
One major caveat to social media communication is that it lacks tone or the facial expressions that accompany real-life conversations. So you can send a purely innocent message with good intentions, but it may be misinterpreted by your spouse. The same goes with you. This may lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts that should not even be heard among you.
So you must be careful when communicating online and be mature enough to apologize when you are wrong and have offended your spouse. That’s why you need to be connected in real life, so that reconciliation is easier.
10. It creates unrealistic expectations
Recently, I happened to view a marriage proposal on Facebook. Believe me, it was beautiful and romantic. Ideally, it would be every single girl’s dream and even more. But I know that just because it may have happened to her that way, it does not necessarily mean it has to be that way with me. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
However, there are a million ladies who may have viewed that and have already set a standard. The kind of car they’d use, the restaurant, even the kind of partner who’d propose. In the end, they are only set up for disappointment, hurt, and delay when their expectations do not match their reality. It’s due to reasons like this that, these days, we have many elaborate and touché weddings, but the marriages lack substance.
11. It causes confusion
Okay. I don’t know if you have realized this, but there are a billion coaches on just about any topic you could think of on social media. There are a million and one ways to do things. Somebody says this is the right way to parent your kids, another says no, this way is better. Even concerning romantic relationships, you may be listening to Coach A on this social media page, while your partner is listening to something totally different.
In another case, you may be listening to a myriad of coaches saying so many different things that you are left confused. God help you if you are not grounded in the Word of God; you may end up worse than before taking advice. This does not mean that there are no genuine coaches, but let the Holy Spirit lead you to who you need at every season of your life.
12. It limits the time you spend with God
When I realized that I could spend hours on social media, of course, convincing myself that I was reading the Word of God through the lenses of other mature believers, but I would only read a verse, a couple of verses, or chapters in God’s Word, I knew that something was wrong. Social media can be very addictive. And the devil ain’t no fool. If he can’t get you to watch porn online, then he’ll make sure you do the right, godly things at the wrong time.
Later on, you’d be too busy or tired to talk with God. And of course, you’d be more confused, restless, and maybe even depressed. If your relationship with God is suffering, how do you expect your relationship with your spouse to thrive? Hey, there’s always a way back to the arms of the One who loved you first (Jas. 4:8-10, 1 Jn. 4:19).
Finally, we have established that social media – although good – can have quite a few pitfalls. But this does not mean that it is some evil monster we should all run away from. Rather, it’s a call to make good use of it without being mastered by it, as Paul enjoins us in 1 Corinthians 6:12:
“Everything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything.
The good thing is that as children of God, we have the priceless privilege of the Holy Spirit (2 Cor. 12:9). Let Him guide your social media use. Not only that, but your relationship and even your entire life. You’d be the grateful one, I can assure you.
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