For there to be any marriage, there must be a couple. And for there to be a couple, there must exist two would be lovers or two willing lovers. In essence, a relationship truly makes sense when there are love-driven couples involved. But there is something that’s easily perceived when love-driven couples dialogue, and which is greatly responsible for the success of their communication and the longevity of their union. This is what is called the “Conversational dialogue”.
In this article, we are going to define and emphasize on the 8 mistaken views of the conversational dialogue for couples to avoid them during their conversation, and thus enhance their communication. But before we do, let’s consider what it is not.
1. A conversational dialogue is not a command that the hearer would do nothing but just obey.
You don’t just tell your partner what to do, how to do it, where to do it, when to do it, and with what or whom to do it, expecting your partner to just follow and do as commanded. Well, that could happen in some abusive relationships, but that isn’t a dialogue much less a conversational one. The partner, whether male or female, who engages in such is not dialoguing but commanding.
2. A conversational dialogue is not an authoritative decree or order.
Unlike the command communication, an authoritative decree carries a legal backing with its injunctions where one partner comes to proclaim to another and expects the partner to follow while respecting all its caveats. That is not a dialogue without the free input of one partner who isn’t under circumstantial duress.
3. A conversational dialogue is not a monotone
In a monotone speech, one partner keeps talking with a voice that is unchanging in pitch and without intonation. Monotone has no measured cadences, no rhythm, no lilt and no life to the voice speaking. Even if one partner is given the chance to speak, that would never be a conversational dialogue. In short, monotone is monotonous.
4. A conversational dialogue is not a monologue
In a monologue, only one partner has the opportunity to speak. No matter how the partner-speaker sounds, whether persuasive or romantic in vocal dominance, it still remains a monologue and not a dialogue. It’s just a spiel with no conversational aspect to it.
5. A conversational dialogue is not to relay one’s conscience to the other.
It doesn’t solely depend on the “I” and “Me” phrases, and resist the “We” and “Us” phrases. It doesn’t only say “I think” without asking to know what “You think” too. It doesn’t only say “My opinion is…” without seeking “Your opinions” as well. As couples, it’s about “Us”. Together we are in this, so you don’t dictate your conscience to one partner and say “that’s it!” Even if you are right. A conversational dialogue goes deeper than that.
6. A conversational dialogue is not a soliloquy
In a soliloquy, a partner soliloquizes at length about love intention and, as such, recites from memory a written piece of romantic poem loudly to the other partner irrespective of how the partner might feel. Don’t get me wrong. Whilst soliloquy might have a place in a love relationship, it’s, however, not a conversation. For it to be natural, it has to flow naturally, except one is rehearsing a script for the stage or movie.
Imagine that you have issues with your partner and you expect both of you to talk about it but your partner comes and recites to you a Shakespearean poem to impress you. No matter how good it may sound in your ears, the problem isn’t solved.
Again, as your partner is done, you, being appreciative, still look forward for you guys to talk about the issues, but then your partner gives you another love version of a Shakespearean poem. And when all is done, one thing still remains clear: No dialogue has taken place, and the problem lingers.
7. A conversational dialogue is not scripted.
I agree that, in some cases, you can premeditate what to say, but saying it should be a spontaneous act. You don’t go to talk to your partner reading from a piece paper or from your smartphones or tablets. That’s awkward, isn’t it? I think, as far as love is concerned, a conversation is rarely read in that context. A script for the stage or movie is okay. But even at that, the actors do not read the lines from the script on camera. The actors practice their lines with the script off-camera and deliver on-camera without the script.
In addition, in some settings, a dialogue could be written and read as a means for guidance in a meeting. But that’s not a conversational dialogue. There are the so-called economic, cultural or political dialogues scripted to engage a people for reasons already laid out by others who might not even be present at the time of gathering. This isn’t conversational dialogue as we know it. Because there is a dialogue does not make it conversational. Yes, a dialogue is between two or more persons but not all dialogues are conversational.
8. A conversational dialogue is not dictatorial.
It doesn’t dictate the “Dos” and “Don’ts”, the “Thou shalls” and the “Thou shall nots”, to one partner. No, it does not impose on someone. It doesn’t foist unpalatable words and decisions upon a partner. Nor does it talk down or belittle any partner. Even if the partner responds to what is being said, that is not a conversational dialogue at all.
Having said that, let’s delve into defining what a conversational dialogue is in the context of the relationship with couples in love.
The term dialogue also spelled “dialog” in American English, is an old French word which comes from the Greek word “Dialogos,” which means “Conversation.” “Dia” means “Through,” and “Logos” means “Word.” However, it’s not just any kind of word, but the word as content of speech–to talk or talking.
Basically speaking, it implies to send words through to another individual as in a conversation, resulting in communication. This communication can be between two or more people. But one primary feature stands out which is that the communication is done by way of speech—talking.
A dialogue is a conversation between two or more people, free from any domineering influence, that can help reach an amicable agreement or settlement. It’s also a frank discussion in areas of disagreement in order to resolve them.
In any dialogue, there is more than one mind involved. For couples to understand each other and succeed in a relationship, they need a “Conversational dialogue.” A Conversational dialogue is the transmission, interchange or exchange of two minds to form one mind, all motivated by love. Because of love, information, ideas, opinions are exchanged between two lovers’ minds to finally form a single mind, approved and agreed by both lovers. People fall in love because of a strong conversational dialogue. Conflicting opinions become an opinion because of a strong conversational dialogue. Barriers that divide couples are broken down because of a strong conversational dialogue.
Are you married? Embrace this kind of dialogue in your relationship. Are you in love with someone? Open your hearts to this kind of dialogue. It would bring respect and understanding to your relationship and cause it to endure through difficult times.
Leave a comment below. Tell us how you intend to improve the dialogue with the one close to your heart. Have you any suggestion after reading this article ?