I have seen it. Oh yes, I have. What have I seen? The audacity of some folks online. So, you randomly pop up on someone’s timeline. He or she then quickly checks you out. Then he or she reaches out to you in your DM without much thought. It all starts with a harmless, “What’s up, babe?” Before you know it, you’re ruined. Your relationship may also go down the drain.
These days, it’s not uncommon to have multiple partners or to be emotionally involved with people you may have no physical contact with. And you know what? Social media makes it easy-peasy. After all, all you need to do is go through someone’s timeline, probably get infatuated, and that’s all. No need to surmount boldness of any sort to meet this person. All you just need to do is “like” a dozen of the person’s pictures, or reach out in the person’s DM – probably with a funny, erotic meme or with an emoji that speaks your heart. Truly, the online space is a lot.
But that does not mean that there is no genuine connection online. Far from that. I have enjoyed meaningful connections online with many people I have never met. I am also not against “love at first sight”. I am very much aware that for some people, the online space is where they find true love. No doubt about that. But that also demands high levels of maturity and courtesy.
However, that’s not my emphasis today. I’m more emphatic about the dark side that the enemy has taken undue advantage of. In this case, it is where people use the online space in a disrespectful and ungodly manner to wreak havoc on the love lives and relationships of people.
In this piece, we will carefully consider such cases. We will also consider likely warnings that your partner may be emotionally involved with someone online, and finally, what you can do about it. I pray it blesses your heart.
Let’s start with a quick definition of online flirting
I will define the separate words before juxtaposing both. First, the word “online” in simple terms means “anything that is connected to the internet”. Secondly, the word “flirting” or “flirt”, according to my English dictionary, means “to play at courtship, to talk with teasing affection, to insinuate sexual attraction in a playful way”. I like that flirting is a thing reserved for courtship based on this definition. It’s a thing between two committed partners in a relationship. However, you can agree with me that it is far from this in most cases.
Online Flirting simply means playful or suggestive digital communication intended to show romantic or sexual interest. It often takes place through social media DMs, comments, likes, memes, or even shared emojis. It does not always start badly. Sometimes, it just begins with a harmless sharing of your personal struggles, dreams, and problems with someone online. And of course, this person will listen. Before you know it, you’re hooked. You’re texting very long messages and sharing voice notes and even making long phone calls.
Yes, you remember all those unsolicited messages you sent (of course, with wrong intentions) to that young, naïve girl? They can make her burn with passion. And hey! You’re ruining her life. Maybe you’re not like that. But you take advantage of the social media space to form deep, intimate connections outside of your committed relationship, involving emotional intimacy that should ideally be reserved for your partner. Sorry to say, but you’re not any different. It’s still flirting. Still cheating. And still infidelity, as far as God is concerned.
Our Lord Jesus had this to say concerning unfaithfulness:
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matt. 5:28
So, it’s not just the literal act of unfaithfulness. Flirting online is also an act that you will be held accountable for (1 Cor. 6:9-10, Rom. 14:12). It’s very true that online platforms make these sorts of relationships easier to develop and sustain without physical contact. It’s also true that you may have an emotionally absent partner. And it’s so tempting to reach out to the one who cares so much that he/she listens to you online, but at what cost?
Now, let’s see some warnings that can show you if your partner is emotionally involved with someone online (it can also reveal to you if you are a culprit)
a) Hiding chats, deleting messages, or locking apps: There truly is nothing to hide if you’re being honest.
b) Feeling excited to check messages from one particular person: Permit me to say, but there should be no one of the opposite sex that should excite you so much other than your partner once you are in a committed relationship.
c) Sharing personal details with them more than with your partner: It often begins with this. Before you know it, you’re hooked.
d) Downplaying or denying the relationship when asked: Of course, you would never want to admit that anything is going on.
e) Comparing your partner to this person: Your partner will surely become a worse, second option when there’s another who’s emotionally available.
The sad thing is that such relationships that involve online flirting will strain your relationship. They will:
– cause distrust between you and your partner: no one will feel comfortable if you display some of the signs listed above.
– cause emotional disconnection between you and your partner: the Bible is right when it says that you cannot serve two masters at a time (Matt. 6:24). It’s the same here. You cannot love and give yourself equally to your partner and other partner(s) online. You will love one and hate the other(s). There’s no two ways about it.
– jealousy and insecurity: with constant comparison, divided attention and you name it, there’s no way that your partner will not feel jealous or insecure. He or she is not a box of wet coal.
– conflict and breakup: lastly, your relationship will begin to experience strains of different kinds. If you’re not careful, it will end with a sore break-up. And is that not how most relationships end up these days?
Now, Here’s What You Can Do About It
1. Set Clear Boundaries (Job 31:1)
As partners, you both should agree on what is and what is not acceptable as regards online communication. When you both agree, it is easier to walk together (Amos 3:3). As an individual too, set clear boundaries. With the person you are chatting with, firmly express what goes with you and what doesn’t. And hold onto it with your life. They can call you old-school or whatever, but your purity and devotion matter to God.
2. Practice Digital Transparency (Eph. 4:15)
Do not hide. We established earlier that there’s nothing to hide as long as you are being honest. As a partner, there’s nothing wrong with sharing your password details with your spouse. Except for other issues that may be peculiar to you, there really should be nothing to hide if you truly love and trust each other and you are living according to God’s design.
3. Meet Your Partner’s Emotional Needs (Gal. 6:2)
Please, do not be a reason why your partner is tempted to run into the hands of another. For the fact that you know that the marriage bed should be kept undefiled (Heb. 13:4), and you have a partner who will die to uphold this, does not mean that you should make it unbearable for him or her. Let your partner look forward to being with you. Be emotionally present. Listen. Love.
4. Avoid and Flee From Tempting Situations (2 Tim. 2:22)
The Bible warns to guard your heart with all diligence (Prov. 4:23). When Joseph was confronted with sexual temptation, he didn’t just stand there and begin quoting Scripture (although there are situations for that). Rather, he fled (Gen. 39:12). Better still, as much as you can, don’t even place yourself in a situation that will tempt you. Don’t engage in late-night chats with someone who is not your partner. Resist and the enemy will flee (Jas. 4:7).
5. Be Accountable (Jas. 5:16)
It’s not always easy to stay in check. But that’s why we have the Holy Spirit. He is a faithful Helper (Rom. 8:26a). Beyond that, He can also lead you to a trusted friend or mentor to keep you in check (Prov. 27:17). You must be careful though, so you do not end up becoming guilty of the very thing you are avoiding by becoming too intimate with the person meant to keep you accountable. Get that?
To conclude, a lot has been said. But I will leave you with this:
The online space is a blessing and can be rich soil to grow your relationship. Trust God to stay faithful and committed to your partner and your relationship. It also starts now if you are single. Will the online space disappear into thin air? No, it will be very much present with you. But in your hands are the keys to whether it ruins you or gives you rest. You choose.
And if you’re guilty, it’s never too late for a U-turn. There’s help for you in Christ (Lk. 19:10).
I’m rooting for you. Stay blessed.
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