Sex, Something we don’t like to speak about openly. It seems dirty, vulgar, and obscene. Yet it seems like in our day, there’s really nothing to hide about sex — especially that which is practiced immorally before marriage.
You hear things like: “It’s your body. You choose what you want to do with it,” “Premarital sex has health benefits,” “Have sex with your partner before marriage to test your compatibility,” “We’re proving we truly love each other”.
And somehow, you’re there in the middle, addled. Everyone is doing it, even the successful boss ladies you admire in the media. Your friends are doing it too, and it seems like you’re the only naîve, old-fashioned, prudish lady from the 1800’s remaining on the planet. Something in you desires to experiment. After all, God is merciful. He’s gonna forgive you when you pray sincerely after indulging in the act.
But is premarital sex really worth it without strings attached, as popularly acclaimed? Could there be reasons why God commands us to wait until marriage before we have sex? Could it be that in His divine wisdom, He’s not caging us, but leading us into the abundant life He has for us?
I pray that this piece gives you light. It will reveal 10 reasons why you should not have sex before marriage. Please don’t harden your heart or treat them casually. It may just be the beginning of something new in your life. Do read on!
Reasons Why You Should Not Have Sex Before Marriage
1. Because Your Body Belongs to God — Not to You or Your Partner
Period! Many times we hear folks audaciously declare: “It is my body, and I will choose to do what I want with it”. Maybe you have said it too. But that’s where they and we have gotten it wrong. You see, your body is not yours. It’s God’s. And that’s not just because you are a Christian. But as a creature of God, that already makes you not your own, even though God has given you the right to choose (Ps. 24:1).
Then, as someone who professes Christ, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 tells us solid truths. You have been bought with a price — Jesus’ precious blood, and His Spirit lives in you. You are not your own. You are His Temple. It takes guts to desecrate a temple of an idol here on Earth. Why do we think otherwise of our bodies?
The sole purpose of our blood-bought bodies is to glorify God. We don’t glorify God by sexual immorality. It’s profanity. So our first reason, just like Joseph’s, for not engaging in sexual immorality shouldn’t even be the fear of consequences or what our mothers will say. It should be the fear of God! (Gen. 39:9)
2. Because Sex Was Created for the Covenant Called Marriage
God is not anti-sexuality. Nor is He against you feeling pleased and enjoying life. He created sex, and He called it good (Gen. 1:31). It’s a beautiful thing to look forward to when done rightly. If we desire to learn what marriage and sexuality are and should be, it is expedient to look into the story of the first perfect union on Earth before the fall to uncover God’s initial design for marriage and sex. Here is what was said of the first couple in Genesis 2:24-25:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
We see here that before they became “one flesh”, which is symbolized physically through sex, the man and the woman had been united as husband and wife. You don’t put the cart before the horse. God is not dumb. He has reasons for the things He does. If He made it that way, that’s the best way it should be. Rebellion only means you’re getting into something you don’t understand or have committed to, and yeah, it leads to regret.
3. Because It Breaks Fellowship With God and Grieves the Holy Spirit
One of the things about sexual immorality we tend to ignore is that it is a sin (1 Cor. 6:9,18; Gal. 5:19). It is a violation of God’s commands that can lead to eternal damnation. Because we’ve become so used to trivializing sin, we don’t even see it as grievous. When we engage in premarital sex, we’re simply telling God that we do not love Him, because we cherish and obey those we love (Jn. 14:15).
And this doesn’t end at that. Premarital sex affects our relationship with God. We’re not able to pray, worship, or enjoy God’s presence intimately as we should. This is because sin creates distance, guilt, and shame, and unless it is confessed and repented of, we go farther and farther away from the presence of God.
David was well aware of this when he was sexually immoral with Bathsheba. Although it was a case of adultery, Psalm 51 tells of his struggles. It was not just about the fear of losing the approval of family and society. It was about losing the Presence and Spirit of God. That’s your Life-Giving Source (Acts 17:28). That’s why the Bible encourages us to flee (1 Cor. 6:18).
4. Because You Deserve Clarity — Not Just Chemistry
There’s a word often used as it relates to sex. It’s called “knowing”. When two partners physically know each other intimately — and consistently, there’s a possibility that they will build a false sense of emotional intimacy that they think they have. We see this in Genesis 34 in the story of Shechem and Dinah.
The Bible says that after he took advantage of her, he loved her more than he did before (Gen. 34:2-3). That’s what sex can do. It can create a false sense of deep attachment or closeness, and can create unhealthy soul ties. When this happens, it can cloud wise judgment, and you can mistake this false connection for the genuine connection that a marriage is supposed to be built on.
Hence, you will ignore red flags and character flaws because you think you are compatible, only to find out after marriage that you committed to the wrong person. You don’t know a thing about your spouse. You’re not genuine best friends. However, then it may be too late.
5. Because the Soul Tie Is Real — And Breaking It Costs More Than You Expect
It often looks quite picayune. Just thirty minutes. But it can cost you a lifetime. When you engage in premarital sex, like said earlier, you don’t just lose out spiritually. No. Psychologically, emotionally, and physically, your mind is trained to keep those memories waiting for times to haunt you with them.
If the relationship ends –– as it will most often- you would feel like dying. You will face the guilt, shame, and regret it brings. Again, when you eventually commit to someone, even if you are changed, and your spouse is the best person on Earth, you may find yourself constantly comparing your partner to your ex(es), which will ultimately leave you dissatisfied. Again, it’s been proven that most people who have sex before marriage struggle with infidelity in marriage.
This is because if you couldn’t keep yourself then, how would you do so now, except for the grace of God? And this also erodes trust between you both who are involved if you eventually commit, because if you couldn’t hold each other accountable as singles, how could you do so in marriage? Yes, you may feel no ounce of shame and regret now, but is your future truly worth the cost?
6. Because What You Are Preserving Is Genuinely Precious And Irreplaceable
Why do you think that the devil works so hard through our contemporary culture to convince us that sexual purity is inane and garbage? It’s because somehow, he’s aware of how priceless, precious, and quintessential it is. It’s something that once it’s lost, it cannot be gotten back again.
Yes, God forgives and restores, but it doesn’t mean we can go back to history and change what has happened. In Song of Solomon 4:12, the Beloved sings of his bride as such: “A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed”. It’s not talking about a lack of healthy freedom or flourishing. It’s talking about the gift of self-control and preservation.
The kind that God takes pride in. Not just Him, but family, society, your future spouse, and you too. Love yourself so much that you don’t treat your sexual purity as garbage. Take pride that you have held up to your own integrity. Don’t be a woke badass. Be a princess. That’s who you really are.
7. Because Your Future Spouse Deserves It
Yes, while it’s true that you don’t keep yourself from sex before marriage only because you desire to please a spouse, how honoring would it be for your future spouse when he or she is the first to unlock your treasure? God has a good plan for all His children (Jer. 29:11). I don’t think I would like to call Him a matchmaker, but in truth, He’s the best there is.
Somewhere, somehow, He’s preparing someone for you. Maybe such a person is faithfully preparing and keeping himself or herself. Would you not think it selfish if you lived life without an ounce of self-control only to be united with someone that faithful?
There’s something truly beautiful when you keep yourself, resisting the temptations and the million offers of seduction, and God joins you with someone who has done the same, like Ruth and Boaz. Here is Boaz’s testimony about Ruth: “…You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor…All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character” (Ruth 3:10-11). Your witness is powerful. Think again, my friend.
8. Because the Physical Consequences Are Real, Measurable, and Lasting
If premarital sex offered only pleasure with no risks attached, it might be worth it, speaking in natural terms. However, there are physical consequences of premarital sex that are real, measurable, and lasting. First, there are Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). These make life like hell, and you miss out on the abundant life that Jesus promises (Jn. 10:10; 3 Jn. 2).
Not just that, it can affect fecundity and cause serious complications in future relationships. Again, there’s unplanned pregnancy, which can have a devastating effect on you, your partner, your families, and the innocent child. It can devastate your future, cause turmoil in your family just like the House of David, and even though sometimes sex fosters closeness, other times, it only leads to hate and contempt from your partner, as in the case of Amnon and Tamar (2 Sam. 13:15).
If you, however, choose abortion, that also has its consequences, including pain and regret, because it’s no more or less a human being than it is in the womb (Ps. 139:13-16). Rather than risk these, or hope in a contraceptive, why not abstain completely? It’s way better!
9. Because Spiritual Authority and Kingdom Effectiveness Are at Stake
Ever wondered why God chose Mary to birth the Saviour? In the first chapter of Matthew, we see about four different women mentioned, aside from Mary being used specially by God in His redemptive plan. Yet somehow, when it was time to birth the Saviour, He chose Mary. Could there have been something special about her?
Most of the others had bad pasts that included sexual immorality (Josh. 2:1; 2 Sam. 11:3-4). Yet Mary was set apart, and she was sexually pure (Lk. 1:34). It doesn’t mean that that was the only rationale. Some virgins are truculent at heart. But the truth is, there’s something powerful when, as a vessel being used by God, you have a clean record of integrity in all facets of your life, including your sexuality (1 Thess. 4:3-4).
Many great Kingdom leaders have had their reputations besmirched due to mistakes now or in their past. David was particularly reprimanded for this (2 Sam. 12:14). And there are others whose stories of sanctification have inspired millions of others to God’s glory. The truth is, God’s grace covers our missteps and He will still gladly use us if we repent. But why wait for restoration when you can burn all the way?
10. Because There’s Such a Thing as Guilt, Shame, and a Bad Name
Lastly, it is advised not to go into sex before marriage because there’s such a thing as guilt and shame, and boy! Are they expensive houseguests? The bad thing about sin is that it always leaves a scar. A reminder that something went wrong sometime.
You may experience depression, anxiety, or guilt even if you have received forgiveness from God. You may also tend towards isolation because sexual immorality gives a bad name. Before you say, “Who cares?” listen to what the Truth is: “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” (Prov. 22:1). People’s opinions sometimes matter, and believe me, you won’t want the label.
Even if you are a Christian with a loving community where no one points fingers, you may still be neck-deep in shame. But there’s good news! No matter your past, God wants to give you a new future (Isa. 43:18-19). There’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). So you can lift your head high, my friend.
Finally, as the last point ended, sometimes, we just don’t know better. Other times, we do yet still keep on in our errant ways. The good news? That’s why Jesus came. Not for the perfect, but for the lost (Lk. 19:10). Are you lost, my friend? Jesus is calling you today.
He still writes beautiful stories, and just like the woman caught in adultery, He’s not going to cast a stone at you or remind you of your wrongs. Instead, He will hold you close and help you to “sin no more” (Jn. 8:11). Will you accept His invitation? He’s just a prayer away.
And I won’t conclude this piece without encouraging you who’s still standing truly despite the pressure and your own desires. Hey, God sees you, and He’s proud of you. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Stay rooted in His grace, looking up to Him. In the end, only He is faithful to keep you from falling and to finish what He started (Phil. 1:6; Jude 1:24).
To a redeemed, pure you! Stay blessed, my friend.
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