God, when? Be honest with yourself. How many times have you uttered these words this month or this year? I see you as you scroll. You look at your friend. Ah, she just got engaged. Almost simultaneously, you see the pre-wedding photos of that naughty classmate of yours who never gave a damn about God.
To make matters worse (or better), you remember that your sister’s fiancé is visiting, and no, you can’t give negative vibes. After all, you truly love her. You try to be happy. You should be, right? But you can’t help breaking into tears as you consider your singlehood. It’s miserable, you think.
When will someone finally love you, and send all those mushy morning text messages? When will you finally wear the gown and have the dream wedding? When will others be happy for you too as they gush at your man and pour in their congratulations? You really can’t wait to ditch this phase and finally be happy.
Yet, what if I told you that you can be happy now? What if I told you that there is a season for everything and you can rejoice now? (Eccl. 3:1; Ps. 118:24) What if I told you that your season of singleness is not a curse but can be one of the most fulfilling seasons of your life?
Most times, our target is finding a partner and being married. Well, isn’t that the goal? Yes, in a way it is. Marriage is beautiful, not just in our sight, but in God’s (Heb. 13:4). But God does not want us to idolize it, abandon our lives, or live in resignation because we’re waiting on a partner. He wants us to live fully and maximize this season.
And hopefully, this article will provide ways to do just that. It will reveal ways that you can make the most of your season of singleness. I pray that it’s a blessing to you and that you are inspired to live life to the fullest even as a single. Do read on!
10 Ways to Make the Most of Your Singlehood
1. Pursue Undistracted Devotion to God Through a Deeper Relationship With Him
A book I read has this intro: Run hard after God. If someone catches up, introduce yourself. It couldn’t be truer. Jesus is the first Lover of your soul (Jer. 31:3; Jn. 3:16). He’s the One who sees the real you no one else may ever see and still loves you regardless (Rom. 5:8).
In a season of singleness, we’re often preoccupied with simply asking God to give us who we want. But God desires to give us Himself for only He can truly satisfy. When we have Him, we have everything else (Matt. 6:33). Your season of singleness affords you the rare privilege of truly knowing God beyond the ordinary rhythms of all you have heard.
It’s when you can dig deep into Scripture, know God’s character and nature for yourself, hear and wrestle with Him through prayer, and engage in spiritual disciplines like fasting, worship, and even mission work without the anxiety that married life provides (1 Cor. 7:32-35).
It’s basically about falling in love with Him for who He is, and walking with Him before you choose to walk with a spouse. And for people like Paul, Jesus, and Anna, that was what life is meant to be. And truly, there’s no better way to live than in devotion to the One who truly loves you and will never, yes, never, fail you (Rom. 10:11).
2. Settle Your Identity in Christ Before You Seek It in a Relationship
There are the smart ones. The beautiful ones. The rich ones. The gifted ones. And then, there’s us. The ones who never get anything right. The ones who mess up everything. For some time back, this was my idiosyncrasy.
I would be the last to admit it, but it felt great to imagine a Prince Charming who would one day magically overwhelm my insecurity with his unflinching love. Maybe you’re like me. Right now, you’re in a season of singleness, but you’re desperately searching for someone who will finally complete, validate, and choose you. Because no one seems to be coming yet, you assume that there’s something wrong with you.
My dear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Yes, you heard me right. Who you really are – your true identity is found in Christ. And you know how Christ sees you – as chosen, loved, and redeemed (1 Pet. 2:9-10). C’mon, you’re the child of the King of kings (Jn. 1:12-13; 1 Jn. 3:1). You’re not a lesser human being because no one has chosen you yet.
So rather than cry your life out at pity parties, devote your singlehood to finding out who God really says you are. And girl, it’s not rocket science. It’s in your Bible. When you are anchored in identity, you won’t go into a relationship out of desperation. Rather, you enter whole with clarity and the desire to be a companion as you fulfill God’s purpose for you both!
3. Do the Deep Work of Self-Knowledge and Emotional Healing
There’s a famous quote I have come across called: “Man, know thyself”. There’s something profound that happens when you have stayed long enough under God’s searching gaze and with yourself that you can relate to others from a point of understanding who you are. And when you’re single, you have so much leeway to do so. It’s a time to ask yourself: What are my strengths and weaknesses?
Why do I behave the way I do? This is necessary because most times, our behavioral patterns are not intrinsic. They are learned, and sometimes, they facilitate or are inimical to our becoming. For example, there may be patterns you may have picked up from your family of origin and held deeply, even without your realizing it, that may resurface in your future relationships.
These have to be dealt with honestly. Again, it’s quite beneficial to work on your emotions. Heal from your past (be it heartbreak, insecurity, trauma). God delights to help you (Ps. 34:18; 147:3). Learn how to feel deeply without being controlled by it; how to handle conflict without running away or acting bellicose; and how to maintain your true self even under pressure. These questions also struck a chord deep within me: What kind of people are you consistently attracted to, and why? What patterns have recurred across your relational history?
Where do you tend to overfunction or underfunction in relationships? It’s expedient to answer these. Yes, they’re deep, honest, and sometimes, painful, but you’d love the aftermath. David’s sincere prayer was, “Lord, search my heart” (Ps. 139:23-24). I believe it’s a prayer you also need to make today, as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit to work on all He reveals to you. It’s worth it, friend.
4. Pursue Your Purpose and Calling With Singular Focus and Courage
When you are married, chances are that you may not be at liberty to discover your purpose and pursue your calling as you would like. Of course, there are exceptions. But since it would be more expedient when you are single, why not give it a shot? Ask yourself: Who am I? Why am I here? What does God want to do with, in, and through my life?
How can I actively participate in all that He is doing? What are the gifts He has placed in me? How can I maximize them? Personally, finding my gifts has been one of the most beautiful parts of my life. It’s opened doors, and my confidence has increased so much, thanks to God. Don’t spend your singlehood only viewing bridal showers. Discover your gifts.
And the good thing? Everyone has them by virtue of God’s benevolence (1 Cor. 7:7). You do too. And you don’t just discover them and stop there. No, you have got to do the intentional hard work of honing them through discipline and investment, without undue comparison with others (2 Tim. 1:6-7; 1 Tim. 4:14-15; 2 Cor. 10:12). Then, you trust the Lord to lead you to where these gifts can be fully expressed. That’s how you fulfill your calling. Again, take risks that would otherwise pose a hindrance when you get married.
Pursue the degree. Write the book. Start the podcast. Initiate the Small Group – and all as you are led by the Lord. One last thing: Be faithful, excellent, and very diligent as you hone these gifts that you may stand before royalty (Prov. 22:29). Take a cue from Joseph’s life. He maximized his singlehood so much that God entrusted a nation to him, and yes, a partner too, in due time (Gen. 39:1-6, 20-23, 41:38-45). Don’t waste your singleness. Uncover and maximize your potential.
5. Build Deep, Genuine, Life-Giving Friendships
One of the biblical characters I love the most is Jonathan. Talk about selflessness. What gets me most is that he was the rightful heir to the throne, and he wasn’t as savage as his father, yet he chose to lay it all down for his brother from another mother, as we often say. David should have been his sworn enemy, but he became his most cherished friend (1 Sam. 18:1-4).
That’s what real friendship looks like. And in your season of singleness, these are the sorts of friendships you should prioritize and invest in. The Bible says that as iron sharpens iron, so we sharpen one another, and that a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Prov. 27:17; 17:7). When you have like-minded, purpose-driven friends, your life is like a well-watered garden that flourishes because you pour into each other.
And while it’s easy to desire that you have these friends, it’s better that you be such a friend (Lk. 6:31). Be the friend who shows up, initiates, remembers, asks the hard questions, and listens to the honest answers. A godly community is vital for your growth in all facets of life (2 Tim. 2:22). And you don’t only need same-gender friendships. You also need genuine friendships with people who are older than you to counsel you. Take a cue from Ruth and Naomi (See the book of Ruth).
Again, you need friendships with people younger than you whom you can influence positively. You’re not too young to set and be an example (1 Tim. 4:12). When you have friendships with people who have zero hate and envy; know you deeply but don’t gossip about you, but are genuinely concerned about your growth, you find that your season of singleness is fruitful and enjoyable. A future spouse will complement this and not be the ultimate solution to the lack of them.
6. Cultivate Financial Wisdom and Economic Independence
I once had a teacher who, on a certain day, seemed to be very angry in class. We all wondered what was wrong until he exclaimed: “A hungry man is an angry man!” Salaries were yet to be paid by then. It sounded funny at the time, but as I brooded on it, I saw that it was no spurious claim.
It’s good to have and make your own money, whether you intend to remain single or marry. Being a dependent all the time is impolitic, and financial crisis often causes problems in marriage. Remember what we said about honing your gifts earlier on? This follows closely. But it doesn’t just end there. Scripture says this: “Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man’s dwelling, but a foolish man devours it” (Proverbs 21:20).
So you can have the treasure and oil (the resources), but if you are profligate, then they will be wasted. The goal is not to be parsimonious either, but to use wisdom to sustain, multiply, and empower others with what you have. So now that you are single and have your own resources and not so many household expenses, imbibe the habits of saving, budgeting, giving, and spending wisely (Prov. 6:6-11; Eccl. 11:1-2).
Also, as best as you can, eliminate debt or gambling with your resources (Rom. 13:8; Prov. 22:7), and learn the hard, serious (and yes, boring) stuff like investing, tax planning, insurance, and you name it. It’s not about proving that you are too sophisticated or independent for a future spouse, but about faithfully stewarding God’s abundant resources. And you know, God is here blessing you all the way as you please Him with the way you handle your resources (Prov. 10:22; Deut. 8:18).
7. Serve Generously and Invest in Others
A recurring theme can be observed from all that has been shared so far. A season of singleness is about finding yourself. Of course, you do not find yourself completely throughout your voyage on earth, but you can begin the journey of intentional self-discovery.
As you find your gifts, hone them and pursue your calling, you must realize that it is not merely so you can flaunt yourself or become overly self-indulgent. It is for service (1 Pet. 4:10-11; Eph. 4:11-13). As a man who chose the path of singleness, Paul used the season to maximize His gifts and serve the Lord and others with all he got. It’s no wonder his impact continues to be felt through generations.
So as a single, give. Give of yourself. Teach, mentor, inspire, and empower others like children and teens – especially those who are disadvantaged but are serious-minded. Again, be the one who’s there for others. Not people-pleasing though, but be willing to be the listening ear who offers the right word in season. Open your home. Visit others – sick, homeless, poor, depressed.
Share the love of Jesus with them (Matt. 28:19-20; Rom. 10:12-15). Also, don’t just be money-minded. Give to and volunteer for causes and organizations you are passionate about, and those you sense the Lord leading you to. Let someone believe that life is worth livin’ because they encountered you. That’s one way we show that we are true friends and children of God (Matt. 25:34-40).
8. Read, Learn, Travel, Explore, Expand Your World and Live!
I’m going to take this one personally – especially the travelling aspect, though you can travel to more than a hundred countries in books! Permit the digression. There’s something we often subtly believe, especially those of us, Christian folks who love the Lord and are intent on pleasing Him.
We often think that apart from the normal spiritual disciplines, any other thing we engage in is carnal and sinful. Of course, there’s some truth in that. Not every activity we engage in glorifies God. However, we are called to live in freedom – but not to indulge the flesh (Gal. 5:13). So you don’t need to wait until you are old, married, and with grown-up kids in college before you decide to travel and actively engage your world.
Life is filled with many cares already, and believe me, there’ll be much more later. So do it now, in a way that your resources will allow and that pleases and glorifies the Lord. And you don’t always have to travel overseas for a start. You can start by looking in your local library, by attending events and connecting with diverse people, and by going to cross-cultural places that spark your interest. To make it even more purposeful, try engaging in cross-cultural mission work if you have the opportunity to do so.
And whether you’re a reader like I am or not, feed your mind, not only with the news and the “8 Ways to Have a Successful Career” kinda books (though these are very important too), but also with interesting works of art that pique your curiosity and tell you more about society and your world. Play games, watch insightful movies, listen to good music, love your family, go on dates with friends. Unearth the treasure in the world that we often miss. Be mesmerized by nature, by the creations of our God. Laugh, darling. Enjoy the season (Eccl. 11:9-10). Live!
9. Become the Person You Want to Attract
The Bible tells us that what we desire to be done to us is what we should do to others (Lk. 6:31). Do you desire a great partner one day? Then be a great partner. Utilize your singlehood not only idolizing a partner or marriage, but if it is the Lord’s desire for you to marry, by preparing for it. Do you remember the book intro I shared earlier about walking the path and finding someone else doing the same? That should be the ideal.
Let a potential partner not find you waiting as some damsel in distress hoping to be rescued when it is in your power to become a worthy partner. Truly, there are situations when it is in marriage that we find ourselves and become all that God would have us be. But it would be unwise to stay without working on ourselves and expecting a future spouse to love us the way we are.
Use your singleness to develop the character, depth, and clarity that is needed for marriage. Even if the Lord desires that you remain single, be the best version of yourself. And you can do this by practicing all that we have shared above. You can build yourself by working on and becoming a person of depth of character, clarity of identity, emotional health, spiritual rootedness, relational skill, financial stability, sexual purity and a life already full of purpose and meaning.
This even shows God that you are responsible, and that if He were to give you as a gift to His son or daughter, He would be confident in His choice (Prov. 18:22). Let a future partner be able to praise you thus (whether you are a female or male): “She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10–12).
10. Practice Solitude and Learn Contentment as You Trust God’s Timing
We naturally do not like to be alone. We consider it stultifying. Those who are introverted may find being alone easier for them than others, but still, the ability to be alone – not just in the absence of people, but being fully present with yourself is a skill to be coveted.
It’s not the loneliness where you are alone but scrolling listlessly through social media to cure your boredom or letting your mind wander off in a million directions. It’s about being alone with yourself as company. You know, a table between me, myself, and I. From all the points shared above, one trait that will help you do all this deep, honest, and sometimes painful work on yourself is learning how to stay with yourself and be content with your presence, even though you are not in a relationship and there’s pressure to be in one.
You must learn not to consider your aloneness as loneliness, but rather as an opportunity for rest, creativity, discovery, and deep encounters with God. It also provides the opportunity to be grateful for the season rather than being peevish and anxious (1 Thess. 5:18). And the good news? All this can be learned. Do you remember Paul’s statement in Philippians 4:11-13? He says that he learned contentment through his dependence on Christ in every season.
Use the season of singleness to discover yourself, love yourself, and take care of yourself (and your health) from a standpoint of understanding who you really are in Christ. Don’t spend your singlehood only asking: “God, when?” “When will it finally be my turn?” And do not give in to pressure from within and without. Instead, trust the Lord and wait on His timing (Ps. 27:14). He knows what is best for you. When the time is right, He will make it happen in a way that will simply blow your mind away! (Isa. 60:22; Eccl. 3:11) Sit still at His feet, my friend (Ps. 46:10).
Finally, I understand that it’s been so long, and staying single sounds nothing like fun. But maybe, just maybe, the Lord wants to do something new if you will trust Him. Will you trust Him? You must not be overwhelmed by all that has been shared above.
For starters, begin by seeking the Lord. His grace is sufficient to guide and help you (2 Cor. 12:9). The Lord sees you, friend, and He’s not some villain who relishes your tears. He may be preparing you for something that will blow your mind. Just keep a good attitude. Hang in there. He’s just started with you. Stay blessed, friend.
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