How To Recognize A Financially Abusive Relationship – 12 Facts To Watch Out For
In conclusion of the series we started towards the end of November 2020 about financial abuse in relationships, we have again deracinated some nuggets, courtesy of Reverend PC Akubueze’s book, “Your money, our money”, to present to you the 12 Facts to watch out for in an abusive relationship. Specifically speaking, this is how to recognize a financially abusive relationship. These facts are:
1. When Your Partner Forces You To Get Credits And Loans
You know that you are in a financially abusive relationship when you are with someone who deceives you to take items with big money value on credits or obtain loans that are difficult to pay back. And the worst thing is that they may have no job or hope for any when doing such to you. This goes to being coerced if you are too smart to be deceived. They would literally force you to with moods, attitudes, and domestic fights.
2. When Your Partner Incessantly Asks You For Money
There are relationships where a partner is only good at asking for money from the other partner in an insane manner. Their level of greed knows no limit. And when they can’t get it at once, the relationship is in trouble. For this kind of relationship, money is the determining factor if there would be peace and understanding or not. This kind of relationship is financially abusive.
3. When Your Partner Sponsors An Extra Marital Affair With One Partner’s Money
Another financial abuse in a relationship comes when a woman or man is having an affair with someone other than their spouse and sponsoring the affair with the money of their spouse. This is cheating sustained by the finance of the legal spouse unknown to them. It can go on for a long time unnoticed and digs deep into the financial pocket of the spouse. Such relationships are abusive, financially.
4. When Your Partner Does All To Sabotage Your Job
This is a strategic route one partner uses to fault the other at work. And this includes carefully planned out manipulations to cause you to miss work on multiple occasions, and going against the rules of engagement as far as employment is concerned. They would use other abuses– mental, emotional, and physical– designed to make you absent from work, incapacitated for work, and make unnecessary demands for sick leave. The result is that your contract would be reviewed or terminated. No job means less income and more control and grip that they have on you.
5. When Your Partner Refuses You To Learn Skills Or Be Self Empowered
Because they want you where they can keep controlling you financially, any course to learn skills and empower yourself is an unequivocal ‘No’ to them. And they would come up with suiting reasons to keep it that way.
6. When Your Partner Always Wants You To Demand For Money
You can know you are in a financially abusive relationship when your spouse, lover or partner always, I mean, intentionally wants you to ask for money for the least need that you have, even for the basic things of life.
It seems that they derive an inexplicable joy when you kowtow to them in your request for money. This is so simple. If your partner knows your basic needs for living and doesn’t do anything about it just because you haven’t asked for it, man, you are in a financially abusive relationship.
7. When Your partner Reduces Your Mobility
You can know you are in a financially abusive relationship when your partner keeps you in isolation which undoubtedly helps their steady control over you. I understand the word “Isolation” rings a bell, but that of coronavirus.
However, it’s a word appropriate to use as a point for this abuse. Abusive partners keep you in isolation where your mobility is limited. In a sense, it can be called a kind of kidnap, and this includes the ceasing of your travel documents to make sure that your access to any help to travel is nonexistent. To consolidate the isolation, they can manacle their victims’ feet or hands to the wall, and take away their phones from making or receiving calls. This is no doubt gross financial abuse in any relationship.
8. When Your Partner Deliberately Withholds Money From You Repeatedly
You’re in an abusive relationship when your partner constantly changes their mind when it comes time to help you. Even a promise made to you would have an excuse for a change of mind and this is repeatedly done. In this financially abusive relationship, a partner changes their mind or takes away money from you on short notice or at no notice at all. The reason for this is to handicap your buying power and create doubt with anyone they notice you are having financial dealings with.
9. When Your Partner Uses Witchcraft On You For Financial Requests
This could be hard to believe by some people and also hard to get free from if one isn’t spiritual enough to seek help. Anyways, whether you believe it or not doesn’t change the fact that some partners use charms and other evil spiritual practices to entice their partners to comply whenever a request for money is made.
These partners who are victims have no choice other than the ones of their oppressive partners and they have no resistance to put up against such reckless financial demands coming their way, all because you have them in a relationship. A financially abusive one, of course.
10. When Your Partner Always Resists Saving Money
You would know you are in a financially abusive relationship when your partner detests saving money for the future. This is simple. They hate the fact that you save money for the future and would either try to have the money in their possession or they keep demanding things that would make spending inevitable and savings impossible. And most of the time, such financial demands are reasonable but at the wrong moment. And at other times, they create scenes that would justify spending from the savings you have already made.
11. When Your Partner Always Makes Financial Decisions Without Your Consent
As a couple, no one knows it all, therefore, making financial decisions is always good to involve the love of your life to know their thoughts just as in opinion sharing. This, however, is not the case in a financially abusive relationship.
You can easily know that you are in one if your partner always makes the financial decision alone. This abuse can happen whether you’re the breadwinner or not. And it’s very painful if your partner brings in the cash but you dictate how the cash is to be used without their consent. Equally, when your partner is the breadwinner and the abuser, it’s wrong.
As a couple, involve your partner in financial decision-making whether they contribute or not. Make your love feel a part of what you decide with your money. After all, your money belongs to both.
12. When Your Partner Always Chooses On Your Behalf
This also happens in a financially abusive relationship. There exists such a condescending attitude from one partner to keep controlling your financial world by making choices for you for the things you need. And these choices might not please you at all.
Your partner can be the one who decides what you buy, use, or wear. And these choices have something in common. They are cheap in terms of prices. They are choices below your expectation, far from what you would normally expect to choose on any given occasion. And the choices made for themselves are far better than what they make for you.
To recap how to recognize a financially abusive relationship, we’ve said that it’s (1) When Your Partner Forces You To Get Credits And Loans; (2) When Your Partner Incessantly Asks You For Money; (3) When Your Partner Sponsors An Extra Marital Affair With One Partner’s Money; (4) When Your Partner Does All To Cause You To Lose Your Job; (5) When Your Partner Refuses You To Learn Skills Or Be Self Empowered;
(6) When Your Partner Always Wants You To Demand For Money; (7) When Your partner Reduces Your Mobility; (8) When Your Partner Repeatedly Withholds Money From You Deliberately; (9) When Your Partner Uses Witchcraft On For Financial Requests ; (10) When Your Partner Always Makes Financial Decisions Without Your Consent; (11) When Your Partner Always Resists Saving Money; and (12) When Your Partner Always Chooses On Your Behalf. All of these are red flags that you are in a financially abusive relationship.
This concludes the series on financially abusive relationships. Thank you for reading thus far. For part one, click here, part two, click here, part three, click here.
Adapted teaching by Rev. PC Akubueze, used under permission for Smartcouples.net © 2020. All rights reserved.
I definitely know about financially abusive relationships, but I have never seen it listed out so carefully as in this article.As a woman, i know that I have to stand my ground, making sure that I earn an adequate salary and take care of future income such as pension, insurance. All those actions listed are abusive, but for me lack of privacy can enable abusive relationships. I do agree that couples need to work together towards financial goals, but when my personal goals don’t match what my spouse thinks I should have, I have to act to get my results. I don’t have to tell him every step, but he has to understand that I have my individual goals.
This was an insightful article Verra filled with very specific signposts to watch out for in an abusive financial relationship. These are also indications of a very unhealthy personal relationship with your partner. I guess when you think about it we are all looking for love with someone who will be a team player who will help and support us in life and our dreams.
This toxic relationship will never endure and hopefully, people will read your excellent post and gradually get away from this person if possible. Some relationships can have one or two of these controlling techniques used on them and it’s best to make the perpetrator talk about why they want you to do it? Or find ways to keep your own control if you want to stay.