The Causes Of Prolonged Marital Conflicts, PART 1 – Marriage And Counseling
Every marriage has its own challenges, some of which can be faced with grace and understanding, but some can really be troublesome for certain couples to handle. In whatever situation that seems to breed conflict, the way we handle it is what really matters, as it could ameliorate the situation or flare-up things and make them worse.
Today, we shall be talking about the causes of prolonged Marital conflicts, PART 1, to consider some reasons behind the hostilities that can lead to the fall-out of couples in a relationship. These causes are:
1. Because Couples Ignore The Little Mistakes
Small mistakes ignored grow and become bigger. Some couples neglect small signs of impending trouble which only attracts their attention when it hits them really hard. Many marital conflicts would have been averted if the couples were very vigilant and picked up the warning signs earlier in the relationship.
Most problems don’t just occur. Some progressively take time and could be stopped before it gets out of hand. When you set red lines and boundaries and your spouse crosses them time and again, that’s trouble in the making. Deal with it once you see the lines crossed, once you see that boundaries are never respected, once you realize things aren’t going well in the relationship.
At such times, don’t allow things to go like nothing happened. Speak up! Your silence is an approval of the action done– another way of saying that it’s okay. If you don’t like it, say something! Let your spouse know that you don’t. Don’t wait and wait until a fight starts for you to say your mind. It may not help things out.
2. Because Couples Don’t Understand The Essence Of Love
God is love and love started with God. Love is one and the main factor that keeps the marriage together. There are other factors that are good and are helping to build on the marriage founded upon love. Without love, basically, every other thing is like building a house on a weak foundation. What it does is that it isn’t guaranteed to last faithfully forever.
When you love someone first, there are certain things that you would and wouldn’t do. Things you would and wouldn’t say. That love becomes a guiding principle of marital life. There’s no love as that which both partners truly love each other. When this isn’t understood, a conflict would arise and not only that, resolving it would be prolonged.
3. Because Couples Are Not Each Other’s Match
When you marry someone with whom you aren’t compatible, you are marrying trouble in the making. This is so hard to say. But it’s foolish to marry someone you know that you can’t live with. If you cannot envisage a future with a person together before marriage, there may likely be no future if both of you get together.
Someone, you know you hate what he or she does and the life they live, then you go to marry him/her? But sometimes, people fall into a trap in the name of love. They say love is blind to comfort themselves. Hello somebody! Away with that slogan! ‘Love at first sight is different from ‘love is blind’.
Love is not blind and never will. The Bible never teaches that. Love is alive and living. Love is watchful and sensible. Love thinks and feels. Please, read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 for more about the characters of love. When you say that love is blind, you seek to exempt yourself or someone else from the responsibilities expected of you. Whether things go wrong or well, there are responsibilities that lovers own up to.
You see, in this 21st century, at the height of technology, you don’t have to fall in love blindly. No. Don’t! That’s what dating helps you to do. To educate you by what you hear and see from potential spouses. You cannot see death and choose death. When you date someone, you see the characters, the likes and dislikes, their visions and many more, and then you evaluate them in the light of yourself and yours. If it doesn’t align or can’t align even when compromise is made, it just won’t align when you marry.
What you see during dating doesn’t lie. It’s what you would see when you get married. If you don’t like what you see but tolerate it, be sure to tolerate it when both of you live together. Give your love some sight. Help it to see. When you see what you hate and permit it, you are not gonna like it when you marry. When you see what can break your heart before marriage and keep going, it would not heal your heart or make you stay in peace when married. This is one of the causes of prolonged marital conflicts and divorce.
4. Because Couples Lack The Perseverance To Endure At The Moment Of Crisis
When couples lack the perseverance to put up with anything that doesn’t go their way, a conflict could arise. This very point is one of the causes of prolonged marital conflicts.
It’s not uncommon that families have challenges, difficulties, hardships at one period or the other. But hardships are not permanent. They are temporary. Just like time, difficulties come to pass. So the family’s financial situation today can change tomorrow. A misfortune today may not be there tomorrow. No condition is permanent at all.
So persevering at difficult times helps to stir the family ship in the right direction and to the future without problems. But without perseverance, you would be looking at current problems and basing your focus on the issues at hand. This will cause misunderstanding, hopelessness and blinds you from seeing beyond the trials. Perseverance keeps couples together during hard times, fosters understanding and helps resolve conflict.
5. Because Couples Don’t Have The Heart To Forgive
This can not be overstated. The things that you should have let go from within and which internally hurt you although not expressed or seen from the outside is also one of the causes of prolonged marital conflicts. To others, you look fine but inside, you are painfully hurting. When you don’t forgive your spouse, it’s hard to go past that and behave as if all is well, whereas you know it isn’t.
Unforgiveness is a great hindrance for couples who have hurt each other to progress together. It breeds resentment at the slightest provocation. It also prolongs little issues and conflicts from being resolved. My dear, find a way to forgive your spouse and move on for your own good no matter what. For more information on this, click here.
6. Because Couples Are Unwilling To Continue Their Relationship
Another cause of prolonged conflict is the unwillingness for couples to compromise or sort out things. They just want to break away from each other. Even in counseling, you only present choices but never force anyone to make their decisions. If someone refuses to acknowledge and change, there’s little you can do.
Some couples just don’t wanna continue after an issue happened. They say they have had it enough and call it, game. They end the relationship with immediate effect. I know of countless relationships that ended like this. Caught stealing once, it ends. Caught cheating once, it ends. Trespass the boundary, it is over. Caught with the wrong guy once. That’s it.
However, nobody is perfect, and everyone is a work in progress. There is always a need for a second chance. If God grants us the second chance with Christ, why not us to our spouses (John 3:16; Romans 3:23). Be willing to give your spouse a second chance. Despite all odds, do not give up on love. Still believe in love! There’s true love out there.
Tell us your story of marital conflict? What caused it and what helped you resolved it?
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