The Common Marital Problems To Master For A Lasting Union, Part 4 | Its Materialistic Nature
We’ve been talking about the common marital problems to master for a lasting union in order to strengthen couples’ relationships and empower them to stand united in times described in the series. To contain these objectives, we previously had written the first part, the second, and the third part respectively. Now is the fourth part of the series which focuses on the materialistic nature of the problems. And these are as follows :
1. The Love Of Material Things Over The Love For Your Spouse
This too is another issue for some couples. Some couples are more concerned about material things in a relationship than love itself. This means that whenever there’s no means, specifically financial means to buy their needs, there will be war at home. In such marriages, there’s no peace of mind for their providing partners, and you can predict the mood of the relationship. It’s that simple: when there is cash, things are okay, but when there’s no cash, you will feel the heat.
Not that money is bad, you know. The Bible says that money answers a lot of things (Ecclesiastes 10:19). But it also says that the love of money is bad; it’s the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). So money in itself isn’t bad but the love of it is.
It’s a problem in a relationship when we love money, money bags, money-talk, and all it can buy, more than we love our spouses. Money and its desires aren’t static. They come and go; they change in life. What you may desire today may not be what you would tomorrow. Once you have what you want today, another desire comes to have you fulfill. The yen for material things keeps changing. That’s how money works. That’s its nature. Its demand is endless.
So if you put your love for marriage on money rather than on your spouse, you are in for trouble. If you despise love for your spouse and think that loving money or what it can afford you is more satisfying and would make you happy, you will be disappointed, because it does not bring happiness to your marriage or relationship. No wonder some unions that are even well-to-do financially, have no joy at all because they put it the other way round.
It must be love first before the wants and needs. Not needs and wants before love. Love should be what sustains the needs and wants. Because if it does, it will remain unperturbed even if the wants and needs aren’t there yet. When love leads, there’s peace in the relationship that doesn’t depend on material things. Love your spouse, your partner in a relationship more than you love what they can give you.
2. The Level Of Stinginess In Relationships
Stinginess is being parsimonious in a relationship. This is the unwillingness to spend money or use resources for self and those close to you. I mean those whose welfare you are responsible for. Being stingy is another extreme of having and loving material things over the love of your spouse. But in this sense, it’s more hoarding than spending. In such a relationship, the main partner may truly love but is too frugal. He or she may be hoarding to protect the longevity of the family’s welfare, but ignorantly may be harming the family by the extreme unwillingness to spend or be generous.
It doesn’t make sense to hoard and amass wealth which you can’t spend on yourself or your family. At times the ‘hoarder’ or member of his family may be suffering from something that they already have a solution to but would prefer the suffering than to solve the issue at hand. All because of stinginess. Even paying hospital bills and eating properly could be an issue in such a family, yet they have plenty stored up for an uncertain future.
You can’t hoard food and die in hunger. You cannot have the resources for the welfare of your spouse and family but let them suffer. What use is money to you if you can’t feed yourself? What use is money to you if you can’t clothe yourself? What use is money to you if you can’t take it with you after death?
I remember the story in the Bible of a man called the rich fool. A man who valued wealth so much that he planned his life and saved plenty for the future he couldn’t secure. But he died after having hoarded so much. You can read the parable here ( Luke 12:16–21 ). He put material things over people, even over his own soul, and gathered the wealth he could not use. He was too stingy.
Beloved reader, saving is good but not to the detriment of your family. Don’t let your hoarding be a factor to lose the love of your life. Love is important in your union to keep it together at difficult times.
Now tell us, have you been stingy to the love of your life? Do you value the love of greater importance than your spouse, partner, or lover?
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