The Reasons People Sex Starve Their Partners – Relationship & Counsel



The Reasons People Sex Starve Their Partners


It’s sad to know that sexual intercourse is an issue in some relationships. Copulation should neither be a source of misunderstanding between spouses nor violence in any relationship. Essentially, coupling is a space for unity, of shared interests, of shared involvement and satisfaction.

It’s never created to be done alone. It’s created to foster love, togetherness, intimacy between a male and female who profess to love each other and stand for each other, even as they, through it (sex), carry out its divine procreative mandate.

So please, refrain from sex starving your spouse. It’s not your spouse’s fault that the lockdown or any covid-19 related crisis happened. So don’t take your frustration or anger on your spouse to the point of spousal sexual inconvenience.

As we comment on some common ‘Whys’ that partners sex starve their mates, we aim at helping marriages avoid such practices which could, consequently, hurt their union. That said, the Reasons people sex-starve their partners may include the followings:

1) Because Of Medical/Health Reasons

I have seen a situation where the wife refused the husband any form of sexual intimacy because she was having pain along that region (vaginal canal) and needed medical attention. Some others do so because they are just sick, not well at all for any such intimacy. Sometimes, it could just be the stress of work or at home that causes ill health to have sexual intercourse. If that’s your case, communicate it to your partner, let him understand your reasons or decision. A loving and selfless partner would not hurt your health for his selfish ends.

2) Because Of Natural Physiological Reasons

There are women, in short, a lot of women do not have intimacy with their spouses when they are in their menstrual cycles or periods. I must confess that I really don’t know if all women do, but I’m just assuming they do. Anyway, they abstain from sex, leaving the men sex-starved. But I also think that some men do understand the physiology of their women which is natural. However, not all men know this. The need to be told or informed. Yes, they do need to know that special monthly period of their women. So woman, tell your man the time of your period for them to book it down. They would comply if they knew about your menstrual cycle. In no case should you let that be a source of conflict in the relationship

3) Because It’s A Means Of Punishment

For some couples, It could be seen as a way of punishment for one’s partner. Punishment for what exactly? Hmm, this might sound silly, and I think it’s a lack of understanding of what sex is all about in a relationship. Some partners who feel the need for control of some kind might refrain from sex whenever the other wants it in their desire to control a situation that didn’t go in their favor or that they didn’t like. This act is likened to a punishment of some sort. Again, I think this is a lack of understanding of what sex is all about. Communication is vital to solving any issue within the union. It’s better to communicate effectively than to punish secretly. The latter might hurt the union. For more on understanding the purpose of sex click HERE.

4) Because They Want To Make A Point

This is similar but not identical to that above. Some couples also use the act of sex starving as a way of making a statement to their partners. Maybe, in a disagreement or so, the lady or male gender ignores the other or stays silent when it’s such time for coupling until the other is taken aback to what transpired just previously. At times, events and ways of doing things can be affected or changed until such time when sex is needed then the partner would raise concerns on the things he or she has had in mind. He or she would desire the issues raised solved before coupling could take place. So to such couples, it’s to make a point rather than an act of hatred or lack of affection.

5) Because They Use It As A Bait

We use bait here in a sense of conning someone to get what he or she wants. Some couples use sex starving as bait to con or manipulate their partners into gaining something premeditated, personal, or selfish. It’s not quite a good one but it happens. This is one of the reasons people sex starve their partners.

6) Because Of Self Gratification

It delights some ladies to want their husbands to beg them before they could have intimacy with them. They just feel on top of the world doing this. These ladies have no set agendas and no evil purpose for doing this. They just wanna feel good, have a sense of importance to their men, and derive some kind of comfort in doing so. And they really get what they want because some men actually beg for it and justify their begging by saying that they want to make them feel good. If begging makes her feel good, they‘re fine with that. Well, I should add that making your woman feel good should be the norm at home and not just when you want to get down to her pants.

7) Because Of Loneliness

There are women who sex starve their partners because they are lonely. They are married and made to feel lonely. Sounds funny, right? No matter how funny that may sound, that’s a fact. These women are made to feel as if they exist just for the sex they can offer the men. Their men only come close to them whenever they are in sexual need, and after they are done, they are gone or give attention to something else until such a time when they are in need.

Now the women in such relationships suffer from loneliness and detest the idea of being seen and used as sex objects. As a consequence, they withdraw from having sex altogether. Although it’s not the best way to go about this, their reason is always a positive one. They do it to gain the attention of their men.

These ladies, having abstained from intimacy for a while, create the surge in their partners to hanker for their presence. And some of these ladies really achieve what they want through this because whenever their male partners come for them, they usually give them much-prolonged attention, which is what marriage should be. Each partner deserves the attention of the other at all times.

However, communication is always the key to understanding, and I could understand that it’s not easy in some relationships to communicate the practices which you want changed but are not in a good position to implement.

The spouses involved here should work on their relatability in that relationship. You people should be close to each other. The man shouldn’t distance himself from the woman for long to make her feel that only coital intimacy can bring him that close. He shouldn’t ignore her existence no matter the situation. Don’t be married to feel lonely.

8) Because They Are Sexually Undesired

Some couples sex starve their partner because they just don’t want them anymore in bed. The reasons for this could be varied. For some men, when their women get older to them they look on the younger ladies for sex than their older ladies. These also occur in polygamous families where the husband legally has many wives.

Those in this kind of family accept their fate and live with it. But in some cases where the women are still sexually active, they can cheat on their partners, which is ill-advised and could have grave consequences if found out. In other cases where the marriage is monogamous and the husband sexually neglects the wife, she can opt for a divorce.

9) Because There’s An Impending Problem

partners usually resist coming together because of a difficult misunderstanding at home that can mutate to marital dissolution. Either the husband or wife would resist touching the other until the issue is resolved.

Sex-starving could cause a lot of issues in the relationship. Although marriage is not all about Sex in a relationship, it’s important and belongs to the married couples. Such intimacy belongs to the husband and wife. Not one without the other. It is wrong for one to deprive the other of intercourse. The Bible doesn’t teach that. It rather says the bodies of couples belong to each other and that anything that would stop them from meeting should come out of mutual understanding.

“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:4-6 ).

So if one party does not want to have sex, he or she should communicate it with the other partner for understanding and peace rather than violence or misunderstanding. In no case is it a source of punishment or statement-making. That is wrong and could mislead a partner to even more problems like internal strife, cheating, adultery, disrespect, and many other problems. So you see that your choice or decision that you intended for good can, unfortunately, bring more destruction and harm to your relationship than good. Do not let the reasons people sex starve their partner which we’ve looked at above destroy your marriage.

What have you learned from the above-mentioned reasons? Do you have any other reason people sex starve their partners? Tell us about it! © 2020. All rights reserved.




About the author

Verra is a journalist, a gospel singer, a relationship expert and the site editor.
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Nice written article on reasons sex starve their partners, it’s really difficult to be with your partner who starves you with sex. It really makes one feel rejected and hated, so I will recommend these points to as many marital partners as possible. I agree with the biblical position that it’s for both parties. As you said, communication is key. They should always communicate to each other whatever might be seen as the reason for refraining from having sex. Great article, thanks for sharing.


Wow! I’m so fascinated about this article. Often times than not, the reason partner deprive each other sex is a result of this “There’s An Impending Problem”. partners usually resist coming together because of a difficult misunderstanding at home. I learnt from this article that sex is a conjugal right, and that both partners are expected to fulfill it. Also, if there be any reason to avoid sex let it be made known to your partner. 



 This is a great article. These problems do exist in marriages, and people make a mistake of ignoring them, issues that cause spouse denying or starving their partner of sex vary from couple to couple or individual to individual and some of the common ones you have already mentioned in the article. Other factors include different sex drives or urges, this becomes a major problem when partners do not understand each other’s sex drives or patterns. Lol and yes partners shouldn’t make it look like the lockdown and covid19 issues where caused by them. Lol! entertaining article from start to finish.


This is a beautiful post and the article does explain every detail properly. and its no lie that these problems exist in marriages and partners have to discuss and talk about them. Lol i most loved this opening message “So please, refrain from sex starving your spouse. It’s not your spouse’s fault that the lockdown or any covid-19 related crisis happened. So don’t take your frustration or anger on your spouse to the point of spousal sexual inconvenience”. Lol thank you for making that clear in the first place. Great Article

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x