The 5 irrefutable Joy Killers In A Relationship – Marriage And Counseling
In life, there are certain principles that never change and work the same for everyone. These principles have little respect for people or culture and touch almost every aspect of the human experience. Particularly in marriage, there are some truths held by tradition which you cannot deny they exist in relationships because they have been tested on different environments and the result seemed to be the same. Among them are the 5 irrefutable Joy Killers In a relationship that we are going to talk about. Please, if you desire joy in your relationship, avoid these 5 joy killers.
1. The lack of self-love is a joy killer in a relationship
The joylessness, restlessness, and the lack of peace in a relationship might be because you never had loved yourself or you’ve never been happy with who you really are as a person. I recall the Bible says to love our partners as we love ourselves. It puts loving self first before loving others (Matthew 22:39). Therefore, loving ourselves, which basically is to be happy with self, is the very first experience which you must have in order to love the next person well. If you love yourself, you would be happy with yourself and your relationship with your spouse or lover.
Whatever you wish or want for yourself starts from the fact that you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot be happy with yourself and cannot develop the self you don’t love.
Joy is a feeling that people don’t forget easily. If you don’t have one, you really don’t have it. But you can change that record and be happy with yourself by faith. It all begins with faith, believing in you; believing that you can be happy, and just activate being happy by faith. Joy is internal and although you cannot control what happens around you, you can control how you behave about what happened.
You can control what you let out from within you. Only you can do this, I’m afraid. Don’t let others give you joy. You give yourself joy. It starts with the self. So if you’re not happy with yourself or with your marriage, happiness won’t drop on you from above. You better start being joyful now before it breaks you totally. That’s how you change it.
2. To ask for help too quickly is a joy killer in a relationship
Another joy killer in a relationship is the readiness to ask people for help with something which you can do yourself. Don’t look to others for help too quickly when you know you can help yourself. This can be irritating and shameful at times. Because when you realized that what you just told some outsider wasn’t really necessary, it could be too late.
Words are so powerful to build and destroy at the same time. What you speak out can be heard but can never be unheard. No, you cannot undo the hearing; you just can’t take it back. If what you said was good, it would bless you but if it was a bad report, it will hurt you and your relationship. Be slow to talk to others just so that you can be helped.
Always be your own first responder in any or most situations before involving others. Take time to think things through. You may find out that certain information isn’t necessary to pass out to them. One last thing: the less people know of you or your situation, the better and stronger you are.
3. To compare your spouse to others is a joy killer in a relationship.
Simply put: don’t compare your wife or husband to others. They aren’t and cannot be the same. Period! The wife you married is the same person at home with you. Whatever feature she has which you don’t like, talk and work with her to improve it. Love is beyond external physical features. Stop talking about her bum or breast or looks because of the images you have in your head.
The same goes for the wife. Stop comparing your husband to another person you created in your head. He can’t be that person, and yes, the one you see at home is the one you married. Whatever feature or character you want to change should be a point of discussion at home and not a source of distress, unrest, and unhappiness in your lives. Love your spouse for who they are, and work with them to become a better person without criticism or comparison.
4. To compare your children to others is a joy killer in a relationship.
You are you and your child is yours and not some else’s. Don’t compare your kids to that of others because they are all different from the children of others in every aspect you can imagine. Children are not only a gift from God worthy of the parents’ unconditional love (Psalm 127:3), but they are a direct genetic representation of their parents. In other words, you can from the DNA know the parents of a child.
If they aren’t “nice-looking” as you think, well, think about their source. Maybe you should start with your looks. But let me tell you something: Every child is beautiful. If they have bad attitudes which you don’t like, discipline them better than to worry over it and compare them to other children. You can aspire to be their best and you can be inspired by other children’s performance in one way or the other, but all the inspiration and aspiration should motivate you to train the child well to make him or her turn out a better person in life. They shouldn’t make the child feel inferior or lack self-esteem. Above all, they shouldn’t steal your joie de vivre.
5. To compare your finance to that of others is a joy killer in a relationship.
Another joy killer is to stress yourself because you don’t have the money that other couples have. And you let that worry you yet you do not know their source of income. Don’t compare your finances to that of others. You do so only to the peril of your joy. This is one thing that drains the life out of happily married couples.
There are a plethora of reasons for income inequality which we can’t explore here. But for the sanity of your relationship, never say to your spouse “you aren’t as rich as Mr. A or Mrs. B”, because they aren’t these people you’re talking about. And they aren’t the persons you married, either. Be happy with the person you married.
If they inspire you, good; but they shouldn’t be the source of your worries at all. If you’re not satisfied with your income, maybe, ways of increasing your income or making more money should be the topic of discussion with your spouse and never the point of contention. Only compare your income to your expectations and what you have set for yourself. Be your own competition.
Finally, to compare your finances, children, and spouse with others, and the lack of self-love will leave you miserable all the time in the relationship. Find joy in yourself and always be your own first responder. We’ve just touched the 5 irrefutable Joy Killers In A Relationship. Got it?
We wish you the very best. Please, do stay safe!