The Husband’s Money Belongs To The Couple But The Wife’s Money Belongs To Her Alone – Marriage And Finance
To hear a wife say to her husband, “ your money Is our money but my money is mine” shouldn’t come to you as a bizarre ideology. This ideology is what I’ve heard women, both young and old, say across generations which usually makes me wonder and I’ll tell you why.
The Source Of Ideology
Men have been taught through the transmission of customs or beliefs to be the sole breadwinner and provider in their homes. This relationship ideology might be less prevalent in some parts of the world. But in the continent of African whose culture I am acquainted with, it’s especially true.
The man is raised as the stronger gender to protect and provide for the family. I’m convinced that this ideology stems from the Holy Scriptures which commanded Adam to tend the garden and later till the soil as a result of his disobedience to God’s instructions (Genesis 2:15 and 3:19).
In addition, the Bible talks about marital unity as being “One flesh,” explicitly saying that the “MAN” shall leave his father and mother to be united to the wife. The male gender here isn’t only portrayed as leaving his father’s household but also seen as an independent person able to have and manage his own home that shelters his wife (Genesis 2:24). So this ideology of the male being the breadwinner and home protector is an age-long one.
The Ideology Demonstrated
Moving further into the way most marriages were contracted, in some climes, men pay huge amounts in cash and goods as the bride price because it is expected that a man should be equal to the task before thinking about marriage. Even in marriages where the bride price is lowest, other accompaniments such as the food, clothes, and entertainment for the day may solely be the man’s responsibility except of course, he has a supportive family.
So when the couples begin their lives, the man is expected to solely provide for the home, “after all he’s a man” some would say while the woman is expected to nurture the husband and kids without necessarily providing financially for the home. It would then appear that their roles have been spelt out.
Women overtime have argued that their role as wives and mothers is enormous and so it would be unfair to expect them to take on the additional roles of providing financially for the family and that leaves me with the question of who then is the proverbial virtuous woman in the Scriptures?
I’ve also grown up to know wives and mothers who would explain that their husband’s money is for the household while their personal money is for themselves. They may occasionally support the home only if the need arises. Not to forget the fact that some women wouldn’t even support the home with their personal money, no matter the circumstances.
The Ideal Home
The idea of two heads are better than one, I believe, should cut across all situations– financially or otherwise. Some circumstances, of course, can predict the opposite. There may be a situation such as a polygamy that could warrant a woman to be wise in giving all she has to a husband. This, however, is not usually the case.
In a normal family setting, love is about openness, honesty, and the ability to share and sacrifice for each other. What would it benefit a woman whose husband isn’t able to provide for the home to hoard her money while the family suffers?
Men have also over the years done their best to ensure that their wives aren’t in a position to feed them. While some would argue that it’s about ego, others would point out the fact that most women tend to become rude and disrespectful to their husbands when they are bringing more of the money to the table.
A man can afford to feed a woman for years in silence but a woman would feed a man for a few days and the world would know it. Hmm!
When it comes to family finances, it’s advisable that couples handle such issues with wisdom considering the circumstances in which they find themselves. For instance, it wouldn’t be wise for a woman who is married to a spendthrift to present all her money to the husband or else they’ll get into financial trouble.
The idea of who is perceived as a breadwinner and who actually becomes the breadwinner should be embraced with caution and wisdom. In today’s world, there’s a shift where the perceived breadwinners aren’t the actual breadwinners, because the women are happily providing for the homes. Marriage and financial management matters call for careful observations and thoughts.
What’s your take?
Authored by BeeCee Ugboh for smartcouples.net © 2020. All rights reserved.