3 Things To Do When You Transition From The Ex To The ‘Now’ Partner
The article titled, “3 Things To Do When You Transition From The Ex To The ‘Now’ Partner” is a continuation of the series, “How To Transition From Your Ex-Partner To Your Current Partner.” It was created in view of helping couples to effectively transition from their Ex-Partners to their Current Partners without hiccups. In the last article, we’ve defined transition as being a process of changing from one Person, state, or location to another. With that in mind, let’s continue with the 3 Things To Do When You Transition From The Ex To The ‘Now’ Partner.
1. You Have To Mentally Unload To Reload
When you are in a new relationship, it’s always good to mentally Unload yourself in order to reload yourself. You might have asked, “What do you mean by this? I mean to mentally delete from yourself or unpack yourself of all the burdens, worries, hurts, and unforgiveness which you have carried over to the new relationship. Because these yokes only weary you and hold you from actively engaging with the partner in your new relationship. They stifle the growth of your new relationship and prevent it from prospering. You unload to reload and unlearn to relearn.
Give It Time
Some breakups do take a while to heal. The time may vary according to persons and situations surrounding the breakups. But while you want to heal, make a decisive move to unload your soul or mind during the healing process. Make the healing truly healing. Healing from all that has to do with the past hurts and blames in the former relationship. I do not say to forget about it because that’s impossible. However, you can remember something without being attached to it or having anything to do with it.
You surely can remember your Ex without loving your Ex. So, it’s not a matter of forgetting as to put it out of your memory (unless you’re suffering from Amnesia), but a matter of not letting what you remember of the past affect your present reality.
Forgive Isn’t Forget
To forgive is not to forget, if I may put it that way. Although, some people say, forgive and forget. Both of which are true and basically the same thing. When you truly forgive, you forget the ill-effects it had on your life, on the one hand. You do not hold on to them. And on the other hand, when you truly forgive, although you forget the ill-effects, you can remember what happened and/or who did what to you.
When you don’t unload to reload, your current partner suffers the brunt of it. And you don’t wanna do that, do you? You cannot make your current partner answer questions that your Ex created. An unloaded self or mind in a relationship helps to kill the relationship. Don’t let your new relationship be a by-product of the old one.
2. You Have To Avoid Comparing The New Relationship With Your Past Relationship
The reason for this is quite simple. They are not the same. When You go into a new relationship, there could be that temptation of still looking back to the old relationship and considering what it offered you in the past, only because where you currently are in your new relationship is unsatisfactory. It doesn’t meet your expectations.
In most cases, those who experience this didn’t take their time to transition but rushed into the new relationship either because they wanted to fill the gap or were afraid of being lonely and alone. Whatever the case may be, have respect for the new relationship and acknowledge it as an independent relationship free from the influence of your past relationship. I mean this in every respect.
Your new relationship is new and sincerely independent of the other. Let the new truly be distinct from the past. It can never be your past, although you may try to relive your past while in your new relationship.
If you date enough, you would have answers to lingering issues of doubts, suspicions, and uncertainties that could clear your mind to effectively engage in the new relationship.
The Difference In Exes
Do not compare the lady with whom you’re married to your former lady. Whether she’s fat or thin, white or black, has boobs or not, whatever the figure, she isn’t your Ex and shouldn’t be expected to act, talk or look like your Ex.
The Ex is an Ex and stays that way. You are in the ‘NOW’ relationship with the ‘NOW’ Lady. Respect who she is and love her for that. This, by the way, goes to the female folks too. Don’t ask your man to do something for you just because your Ex did it for you. Don’t compare his home and properties to what your Ex had.
Whether he is rich or poor, if you have decided to carry on with the relationship, you have to respect the relationship, not just by your words but with actions too. The partner involved in that relationship deserves your undiluted love and attention without making him feel pressured. Stop making references to your Exes in the discussions you have with your new partners.
There’s a reason why they are Exes. So stop talking about how good or better your Exes were while in your new relationship. Talk about the New. The NOW! The new you together. The new relationship. That is what matters. That’s what’s up!
3. You Have to Avoid Asking Your New Partner To Do As The Ex-Partner Did In Bed
One thing that coital intimacy does to human psychology is that of the data stored in the soul in the form of images. Whenever you have coital intimacy, the actions, feelings, sights, and sound of that relationship may not be easily forgotten, especially if you loved and enjoyed them, or if the experience was a violent one such as in some rape cases.
The memory of your Ex in bed could be something that a partner may want to experience or relive in a new relationship. And this could bring about frustrations if the new partner doesn’t meet that asinine expectation, which is already created in your mind.
This inordinate expectation when not properly addressed can cause big trouble in a relationship, leading to aloofness, separation, and even divorce. Because of this, some ladies have accused their men of being less than “1-minute men.” The one minute indicates the amount of time they can keep an erection during coital intimacy. In other words, their coital relationship was unsatisfactory.
But the real truth is that they enjoyed copulation longer with their Exes and with these images in mind, they sought to recreate the experience in a new relationship but it failed and they became frustrated.
Frustration is always the result when something anticipated falls short of expectation. And when it’s not properly addressed, misunderstanding might set in the new relationship and even destroys it. It has led to infidelity, separation, and divorce in some homes. All because the female partner expected him to do it as her Ex did in bed.
Talk It Out Respectfully
If you don’t like the way your new partner does it in bed, let him know respectfully. There’s nothing wrong with that. One thing is clear though, he’s not your Ex and shouldn’t do it as your Ex did. He has to do it as he does it, I mean, like Himself. You can help him do it better without making him feel less of himself.
If you think that he doesn’t do it well for one reason or the other, talk it out with him together. It mustn’t be a point of contention between the two of you. Ways to get better in bed could always be learned and unlearn to relearn. Sex education is progressive and adaptable to the couples in question. As you talk about other things or areas in your relationship, talk about coital intimacy to the well-being and satisfaction of both of you.
To recap, the 3 Things To Do When You Transition From The Ex To The ‘Now’ Partner are, 1) You Have To Mentally Unload To Reload. 2) You Have To Avoid Comparing The New Relationship With Your Past Relationship 3) You Have to Avoid Asking Your New Partner To Do As The Old Partner Did In Bed. Tell us what you think? Go ahead and leave your comments below. Do not forget to subscribe to our mailing list in order to keep you abreast of subsequent posts.