9 Ways Artificial Intelligence Threatens Romantic Relationships
There’s a potential in everything good apart from Goodness Himself to do evil. The same fire that warms burns. The same water that quenches thirst drowns. The same tongue that blesses the Lord also curses (Jas. 3:9-10). Many things in life are double-edged. AI is not left out.
In the first piece in this series, we began examining in detail something that is greatly impacting our world today: Artificial Intelligence. It is indeed critical to examine it, for it wields the power to change the way things are done and how people operate and behave, now and in the future.
While we consider the good side of AI, especially as it pertains to romantic relationships, we are not ignorant that AI also poses serious concerns to our lives and relationships. When placed in the wrong hands, used by the wrong people, with ulterior motives, and for the wrong purposes, even the most well-meaning innovation can be thwarted to further the enemy’s purposes. Don’t forget that the Bible says that the heart of man (except when governed by the Spirit of God) is desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9).
Nevertheless, it’s not always about us being the wrong people. Sometimes, we’re just innocent children of God navigating life and exploring the goodness of God through technology. Yet we must remember that the Devil ain’t playin’. He’s been a schemer from the beginning, and just like he began in the garden of Eden, he can introduce evil subtly yet saliently through what God has created for good (Gen. 3:1).
By now, you must be wondering how, especially if you are of the sect of the circumspect with raised brows, or even if you’re just an ebullient enthusiast passing through. In this second article of the three-part series on the Impact of AI on romantic relationships, we’ll consider the ugly side of AI as it concerns romantic relationships. I hope that as you read, you are blessed. May God grant us understanding. Let’s dive in!
1. AI Companions Are Creating Counterfeit Intimacy And Less Motivation For Real Relationships
How do you feel relating to an AI bot? Relating with AI is like relishing a piece of cake – scrumptious, delicious cake, for the most part. AI tools can be reassuring, affable, genial, and congenial to a fault. An AI bot will apologize for no serious reason, talk to you calmly, and never get enervated even though you engage it for hours and you’re being human and peevish.
That’s why these days, many people run to the arms of AI bots like Replika, Character AI, and yes, even ChatGPT, to find the love they desperately need that their partners are either too busy, too human, or too imperfect to give. Yet, we must remember something: when God ordained the first union on Earth, He didn’t give Adam a perfect robot incapable of gaffing.
Instead, He gave him another human (Gen. 2:21-22). God’s perfect idea was a human in Adam’s flesh and bones (Gen. 2:23). And yes, our imperfections due to the fall didn’t override God’s perfect plan. Ephesians 5:22-33 gives us insight into what marriage is meant to be. It is a journey of two imperfect people giving, loving, and submitting to each other as they depend on Christ, even when it’s hard and messy (See 1 Cor. 13).
To avoid the messiness and refrain from investing in the genuine hard work needed to make marriage work and instead run to the arms of AI, is to be oblivious to reality, be lovers only of ourselves, and runaways from the true purpose of marriage, humanity, and, yes, Christianity (2 Tim. 3:2-5; Eph. 4:2). This always ends in ruin for victims and perpetrators alike. We must remember that AI is really just a machine. No matter how it is engineered, it can only complement and not replace what God has ordained.
2. AI Is Rewiring Our Expectations of Human Relationships
This follows closely from the point above. With AI on the rise and spreading rapidly, many people now use it to be efficient, save time, validate decisions, or get psychosocial support. Unwittingly or not, it’s shaping and rewiring our expectations of how people, like our partners, should behave.
Naturally, people expect things from their partners and relationships, and yes, God wants us to live with exuberant expectancy (Ps. 9:18, 37:34; Prov. 23:18). Our relationship expectations are usually formed from our observations of our families of origin, our experiences, the media, and you name it. For so long, the media has influenced the idiosyncrasies of most people about what love and romance should look like practically.
And now, with AI going viral, we’re in a deeper quandary. People are imperfect and human. Although we are all striving to be like Christ, we will never experience the fullness of maturity until we stand before the Lord on that day (2 Cor. 3:18). Nevertheless, it is not a reason to be indolent. But still, we must learn that humans are limited – including your partner.
Expecting complete perfection, emotional understanding, presence, and consistent reassurance from a partner in the manner that an AI tool provides is impractical and farcical. Instead, let us depend on the Holy Spirit to help us extend the grace we have received from Christ, be patient with one another, and be faithful students gleaning from Kingdom couples in the Bible and in our world today (Col. 3:13; Eph. 4:2; Gal. 6:2; 2 Tim. 3:16-17; 1 Cor. 10:11).
3. AI Is Creating Novel, Deeply Wounding Forms of Betrayal
How would you feel if you saw your partner having an intimate moment with another? To make matters worse, he or she seems to be relishing the experience, rather than it being that the third party foisted his or her actions on him or her? You’d be enraged. You could blow up and heat the Pacific Ocean.
How would you feel after confronting your spouse, and deafening your ears to her consistent pleas, then pertinently ending things with her, just to realize after a few months that it was all spurious? It was deep-fake technology. It wasn’t your partner in the video, but a carefully curated AI version of her. That’s deeply painful, and all hope of reconciliation would have been lost.
That’s the sort of havoc AI is wreaking in recent times. Even audio can be manipulated. You can hardly tell what’s real from what isn’t. AI is also making cheating so effortless. You can cheat emotionally on your partner because some AI tools simulate highly personalized, emotional, and intimate conversations. It can bring up dazzling ideas that an already mendacious partner can manipulate to his or her own advantage. It’s also troubling to see how some folks invest so much time and energy into romantic relationships online only to discover that they were never real humans.
They were simply AI constructs. God’s standards for fidelity have not, are not, and will never change (Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 6:18-20). If you need to hide your AI chats from your spouse, that signals a problem. No matter the platform, technology, or method, sexual immorality remains a sin (a violation of God’s righteous standards that you will be held accountable for if you do not repent!) (Matt. 5:28; Rev. 21:8). Jesus knocks on the door of your heart today (Rev. 3:20). You only need to open, friend.
4. AI Is Giving Pornography Wings to Fly
Pornography remains one of the greatest behemoths contending with the sexual purity of singles and married people alike. It creates sensuality, rewires a distorted view of what sexual expectations should be like in marriage, fuels discontent and dissatisfaction between partners, and makes faithfulness feel like walking on a Zipline.
With AI in recent times, pornography has become way cheaper to produce in mass quantities, easier to distribute irrespective of geographical barriers, and what makes it even more appealing to the producers is that the cost, guilt, and shame involved in using real-life humans are avoided. It can even generate more sensual, compelling scenes that leave users hooked and captive.
Again, with AI apps that are configured and employed to actively recommend and drive engagement, your favorite porn video (please, this is not intended to offend) now meets you at your doorstep without you looking or searching for it. This is a major problem that needs a solution.
This is because when porn is found out, especially among partners in a marital relationship, it erodes trust and causes cataclysmic damage. Nothing the enemy gives is free. Addiction to pornography is a form of slavery, and only Jesus can set you free (Rom. 6:16; Jn. 8:32-36). Run to Him.
5. Social Media AI Is Fueling Discontent And Dissatisfaction Within Relationships
Now, nearly everyone on social media seems to be competing for whose marriage proposal is the finest and most exotic. People outdo each other and try to compel their partners to behave in the certain way an ideal “lit” couple should behave. Your mother’s tawdry fashion recommendation gets spurned.
You must look quintessential and snazzy. Most of this pressure doesn’t come from an intrinsic desire to enjoy and relish this once-in-a-lifetime moment with the love of your life. It comes from viewing as many highlight reels as possible.
Again, with so many relationship counselors flooding social media and flaunting their pristine, effortless domestic happiness, you may be watching from your own little corner of the globe and wondering why your relationship is not so and so, and why your partner is not this and that. It’s not evil to desire good things. God is the author of perfect beauty and wonder (See Genesis 1).
But when this is fueled by what society, as recommended by AI, considers ideal, then we’re in for much chaos. Paul’s teaching on godliness and contentment being great gain is timeless (1 Tim. 6:6), and is a truth you must hold onto dearly if you must survive in the age of perpetual feeds, stories, DM’s and views. It’s learned by the way, and God is faithful to help us all (Phil. 4:11-13; 2 Cor. 12:9).
6. AI Is Making Surveillance And Control in Relationships Much More Expedient
It can be easy to think that a partner who is always monitoring his partner is simply being there for her. But no, it’s just control masked as love. Love does not insist on its own way (1 Cor. 13:5). Even God, who by normal rights and implications owns us, doesn’t lord over us (Mk. 10:45), but gives us the right to choose.
AI enables security systems that should promote healthy relationships. However, they can now be contorted by controlling partners to abuse their partners and make them slaves. Such software includes location tracking apps, keylogger software, social media monitoring systems, and smart home devices with always-on audio and video capability.
They use these to monitor the mobility and communication of their partners so as to keep them at their beck and call. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has set us free and does not desire that we be yoked as slaves again (Gal. 5:1). True Love, as empowered by Love Himself, does not give fear breathing space.
No, it casts it out of doors (1 Jn. 4:18). So if you’re a partner currently employing AI to control your partner, you must realize that it is a form of abuse; it is not the way to love, and you don’t own your partner’s life as you think. Only God does (Ps. 24:1). And if you are a victim, cry out to Him. He promises to save (Joel 2:32; Acts 2:21). It is well.
7. AI Is Reducing Human Beings to Data And Raising Serious Privacy Concerns
Humans are complex beings. They’re not just complex. They are mysterious beings created in the image of a Creator of Mystery (Gen. 1:26-27). When we rely solely on AI to answer questions related to humans and their relationships, we make a grave mistake. AI models rely heavily on data to analyze, compartmentalize, organize, and predict human behavior.
While most of their predictions are accurate, and data more often than not provides useful insights and patterns that we often miss by mere introspection, it is imperative that we understand that, as established earlier, there are mysterious intricacies in humans that relying on data models alone does not suffice for. God is the One who truly knows us (Ps. 139:1). The Holy Spirit is one with our spirit and therefore understands us truly from the inside out better than any sophisticated machine ever will (1 Cor. 2:11-12, 6:17).
Also, if we learn to frame every problem we encounter as we navigate relationships as an optimization problem that AI should solve, or we pick our partners by relying on the algorithmic models of compatibility alone, instead of discerning God’s will through prayer, wisdom, and reliance on the Holy Spirit, we later soberingly realize that we are wrong, for humans cannot be reduced to data alone. And to understand a mystery will need dependence on the Creator of the mystery itself (Acts 17:28; Jn. 15:5).
Again, in the last piece, we shared how AI can be used as some sort of logbook that, when fed with sufficient data, can provide useful insights into relationships. However, with so much information shared with AI systems, including deeply personal information, it creates serious privacy and data-governance concerns. Before putting intimate information into any AI system, users should understand what information is being collected, how it is handled, and what controls are available. Not every private conversation belongs in a chatbot. Capish?
8. AI Can Create Barriers in Authentic Communication
There was a time I received a carefully crafted message from an admirer. It was eloquently written; articulate and lucid. To be honest, I smiled after reading. However, to my dismay, I was deeply disappointed when the person in question confided in me that it was the work of AI.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We had earlier shared that you could use AI to assist your perspicuity in communication. However, the nodus that must be overcome expresses itself in our understanding of where exactly the lines are to be drawn between merely saying something as prompted by an AI tool, and meaning it from the heart. An apology, love letter, or date idea gotten from AI but lacking real intention is jejune: a mere meretricious act, and it never sustains true love (Rom. 12:9; 1 Tim. 1:5).
Also, most people naturally tend to use resources in a way that confirms what they already believe. For example, if I believe that my boyfriend is cheating on me – even when he is not, then if I see him with another lady by 6:00 pm, I would ask AI questions that suggest this. Because AI is not God, or in my heart to truly understand the context of my situation, it will confirm my already distorted perspective, which may be misleading.
In the long run, it could cause dissonance because of misunderstandings caused by the way an AI bot was handled. This is not to say AI tools should be erased, but they should support, and not replace presence, integrity, character, depth, and true understanding of your partner and the relationship.
9. AI Is Enhancing Idolatry in Digital Form
Think about this: how would you compare your dependence on the Holy Spirit for help when there was no AI and now that there is AI? For most of us, AI has radically decreased our dependence on God for His help, wisdom, understanding, and grace to navigate our lives and relationships. When we have questions, we don’t first stop to ask the Lord what He is saying about it.
Instead, we rush to an AI tool, which can be, in some cases, misleading because, no matter how it is engineered, AI cannot understand the specific context of our situations. When we find our answers, strength, and comfort in any other thing apart from God, we grieve Him. And God never hid it from us. He clearly told us that He is jealous, and hence, we should have no gods before Him (Ex. 20:3-5, 34:14).
In the book of Jeremiah, God spoke through the prophet and lamented about how His people had abandoned Him, the true Fountain of Living Water, and built cisterns that could in the least, only imitate what He can do (2:13). When God gave the knowledge about AI, He knew about its potential to replace Him in our hearts.
That’s why He commands us to guard our hearts and keep away from idols (Prov. 4:23; 1 Jn. 5:21). Relationships should still function in the pattern ordained by, and in total dependence and complete surrender to the Designer (Eccl. 4:12; Jn. 15:5; Ps. 127:1). The created thing cannot and should never challenge the Creator. It’s His world, wisdom, and resources, not ours (Ps. 24:1). And that’s final!
Finally, we’ve examined in depth the ways Artificial Intelligence could threaten romantic relationships. You’d be consternated to know that this piece doesn’t even capture all the evils AI could be used to perpetrate. Does this mean we should totally obviate AI? Not in the least. It’s undoubtedly already a part of our current and future reality. However, it sure means that it must remain a servant to our relationships, not its master (1 Cor. 6:12).
Let us tread it with caution, and as led by God’s Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:6,14), remembering our Lord’s admonition to be innocent as doves to evil, but still wise and shrewd as serpents as we navigate life (Matt. 10:16; Rom. 16:19). Above all, let AI take its rightful place: forever bowed before the King in our hearts. And what happens when our King reigns? We thrive (Ps. 1:1-3; Jer. 17:7-8). Glory!
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