Don’t stress yourself
In relationships, things happen. Things which you never expected, never bargained for, and may never wish for it to happen to anyone. Relationships can bring undue pressure, stress, unhappiness, and a lack of inner peace as we try to please our partners thinking it is the best way to derive joy and satisfaction. The 12 ways to know when to say NO is a teaching designed to bring peace to your life and relationship.
It’s impossible in life to please everyone we meet and impossible also to please the ones we love all the time. Knowing this truth will give you peace. You can live with someone happily without pleasing the person in everything and at every single time. I don’t care who you are, it is just undoable and impractical because you are human and not God.
Only God Can Satisfy All
Only God can meet all of our needs at all times satisfactorily. Only God can provide for your every need, and only God can fulfill your wishes and dreams. No humans can do that for you but God.
The wisdom of God is infinite and His knowledge, omniscient. He knows all things at all times perfectly. If you Knew this as a matter of principle, you would know peace in your relationship.
The lack of this knowledge is a reason many relationships are under stress day in day out and partners cannot live a fulfilled life. Saying NO is not a sign of disrespect or a lack of love for your partner and friends. It’s very okay to say NO at certain times, places and situations.
The greatest joy you can achieve comes from knowing yourself and respecting your intuitions or the leading of your inner soul. Your intuitions usually don’t lie and only you know how you feel at certain places, times, and situations.
When you follow the leading within or say your heart, you will never stress yourself, never go wrong, and will always avoid most dangers and unpleasant situations. When you follow your intuitive leads, you will know when to say NO. You will also know that it’s okay to say NO without being confronted by guilt and self-pity.
The 12 ways to know when to say NO is a must-read for everyone in a relationship and even singles longing for partners to live with.
Saying No may not only be for the lover or insider but for an outsider too, in order to provide time and resources for the insider or lover. You can say NO to someone other than your partner in order to provide for your partner first. You can’t keep saying Yes to others at the expense of your partner or lover.
That being said, The 12 ways to know when to say NO are well described below.
1. If you don’t wanna do it.
When you follow your heart, you would know when to agree or disagree. People do ask for things or be given a helping hand, but that is up to you to act accordingly or not. Even the one you’re in a relationship with can also overdo or ask for things that are not appropriate. At such times, understand that it’s very okay to say NO when you feel that you don’t want to do something asked of you. And don’t feel bad about yourself for saying NO. You are just following your heart.
2. If it’s not your own responsibility.
The only thing that can make you do something even if you don’t feel or like to do it is something that is your sole responsibility and only you are placed in that capacity to do so. This is something you don’t make excuses for else it could be seen as negligence or misinterpreted. What’s your responsibility is done as a matter of duty and not emotion. And it takes commitment to have it done. Going to work or doing your job is a must even if you don’t agree or want to go. There are no excuses here (except formally notified).
In all areas
This reaches other areas where something is expected of you by virtue of your capacity. A mother caring for a child whose father isn’t on good terms with the mother in the relationship does it as a matter of duty. She’s committed to love and care for her child.
This also reaches the area of contracts. Read the fine prints carefully before signing the contract because once signed, you will have to respect the terms of the contract even if you don’t feel comfortable about it. In cases where your responsibility is neglected, the court could come in to oblige you. However, it’s okay to say NO if it’s not your own responsibility.
3. If you don’t like the association.
There are times that you wanna do something but with the wrong set of people. If you don’t like the people associated with what you want to do, it’s okay to say NO rather than to painfully please them at your own chagrin. If your soul doesn’t like some association, don’t force it on you. It could hurt you. Say, No! This is one of the 12 ways to know when to say NO.
4. If you don’t have the time for it.
There are times that you are occupied, overbooked, scheduled for something else, or that you just don’t have the time to avail yourself to others, but people still need you for one reason or another. No matter how good that thing might be, it should be understood that if you don’t have the time for it you cannot say Yes to them just to externally please them while you know deep down that you really won’t avail yourself because you don’t have the time.
Instead of giving an excuse, later on, it’s very okay, to be honest with them and say No at the onset. You know the truth, don’t wait to tell them the truth. You don’t just have the time for that.
5. If you would rather do something else.
It’s very okay to say NO to some demand that goes contrary to your own choice. Choices are different and personal. It’s not healthy to impose on you the choices of others. Theirs is theirs and yours is yours. If you would rather do something else than what is asked of you, just say so with a fat No! Period.
6. If you feel forced to do it.
Anyone forcing you to do something is carrying with him a giant red flag that must not evade your sight. See it as such and prevent such from happening. It’s a big No-no. Nobody can force you to do what you don’t want to do. They should respect you as a human being and respect your choices as well.
7. If it makes you feel uncomfortable.
There are certain things that make you feel uncomfortable when you do them. To these things, you have to say NO and set your boundaries not to trespass. Most times when you feel uncomfortable, it’s your inner heart, soul, the spirit man that’s communicating to you. Don’t ignore it. Don’t despise it. And the best way to do so is by your saying No to those circumstances.
8. If you are not happy when you do such.
You really can’t sacrifice your happiness when doing things for people. Even for yourself, there are times when you say NO to yourself and discipline yourself for the sake of your health, joy, and relationship. In addition, there are also certain things that you can do but won’t be guilt-free about it when it’s done. Some may be shameful to even think of. These are the things to say NO to for your own sanity. Rather than dying of guilt or shame, say No to those things.
9. If it doesn’t fit your values.
A value system is very important in the development of sound health mentally, emotionally, and physically. Knowing your worth helps you not to compromise or underprice yourself. Availing yourself should be only for those who know your worth and what they are searching for. To those who undervalue you, it’s okay to say NO. This also concerns your belief system, life principles, standards of judgment, and what you hold sacred. You cannot do anything you see as indecent or that might lower your standards just to please other people. No. Say a fat NO to them.
10. If it endangers your health.
Another situation to say NO is when it matters most and is centered on your health. You cannot despise your own well-being just to please others. Health always comes first, and when your choice or someone’s demand of you endangers your health, just say NO and save your breath.
11. If it endangers the life of others.
There are certain things you do that may not harm you but may harm others. Whether it’s profitable to you or not, do not do these things under any circumstances. It’s one of the areas to say NO. In addition, doing things that add value to your life and that of others should be an enviable act to propagate. And when it does not, step aside and say NO.
12. If you can’t afford it.
This is so on point. If you cannot afford it, just say NO. PERIOD! Do not do more than yourself. However, this is the place where many people fall victim to truth be told. They go to borrow what they might not pay back soon. Or enter into poverty for the lack of self-control on their shopaholic way of life. Do not go into debt because you wanna please people who don’t care about you anyways. Don’t fall into debt to impress. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you don’t have or can’t afford it. Better say NO and save the stress.
These are the 12 ways to know when to say NO. Following them will bring peace to your life and relationships. Do you have any other point in mind? Leave a comment!