What Do You Do When Your Husband Is A Mama’s Boy ?
How do you cope when you realize that you are married to a mama’s boy? Are there ladies out there?
I know you might be wondering what I mean by “a mama’s boy.” Anyway, a mama’s boy is a grown-up male who’s married to his wife but is joined to his mother at the hips. As a husband, he doesn’t make any important decisions without first consulting his mother. A mama’s boy makes his mother his number one priority rather than his wife, and he will do anything to please his mother.
Most women who are close to their sons find it difficult to let them go when they are about to get married. There’s always a fear that their son’s wife has come to snatch their son away from them, and most times, put up a passive-aggressive fight.
Mothers who lose their husbands early in life find a way to console themselves with their son and find it hard to let go when the son becomes a man and decides to settle down thereby hey forget the scriptures which say “And For this cause, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24).
For some people, it’s OK for a man to respect and value his mother. As a matter of fact, a man who respects his mother would likely respect his wife but there is a thin line between giving that respect to one’s mother and putting one’s mother above one’s wife. No wife wants that, you know! A man should be able to make his own decisions, have his own vision and plans on how to move his family forward. But when he constantly runs to mama for counsel, that is just plain childish!
A mama’s boy doesn’t just start acting out after marriage. The trait would have been there from the beginning. Every conversation would have revolved around the mother. My mother this, my mother that. I’ll ask my mother. I’ll confirm from mummy. Mum will handle it, etc. Unfortunately, the wife may ignore the red flag thinking it’s a passing phase.
Alas, you are home expecting your husband to put you first and do right by you, only to discover that he still needs his mother even more than he needs you. As a wife, what would be your first response?
A mama’s boy will likely frustrate the wife unknowingly by constantly comparing both women or trying to teach the wife how to act like the mother. I’ve seen men who sent their wives to live with their mother for a time in order to learn how to act like them! A true story right there!
I have heard about women who went all out to severe the relationship between their husbands and their mothers but that move usually doesn’t hold water for a long time as It only brings resentment between the parties involved. It also depends on how strong the mother’s hold is on the child, the wife may end up leaving the marriage altogether.
I would say that the woman whose husband is a mama’s boy should first and foremost plan to be a mama’s girl! There’s nothing wrong with warming your way into your mother-in-law’s heart and reassuring her that you aren’t there to steal her son from her. In doing that, it’s also very important to create boundaries so that everyone would know their place and their role in a good time.
There’s a huge difference between a man who respects his mother and a full-blown mama’s boy! The latter is spoilt, entitled and difficult to convince otherwise, and so creating boundaries in such a relationship may be pretty difficult especially when there’s no physical distance but it’s worth the try.
When a woman ends up with a mama’s boy, it’s usually a tough call and the woman would work twice as hard to secure her position as a wife in her husband’s heart. With all the challenges that marriages come with, fighting to secure the most important spot in a man’s heart shouldn’t be on the list of battles to fight.
So it’s important that a woman in such a marriage develops her personal identity, defines her boundaries and remains firm on it with her husband. While she necessarily doesn’t need to confront her mother-in-law, she could help her husband cut the umbilical cord by having conversations with him on how the mother and son relationship would affect the marriage in the long run if things don’t change.
What’s your take? What Do You Do When Your Husband Is A Mama’s Boy ?
Authored by BeeCee Ugboh for Smartcouples.net
Copyright © 2020. All Rights Reserved
Thanks for commenting on Beecee’s article, Sharif. We appreciate your take on it. Have a great day.
Thank you so much for providing such a piece of beautiful information. From the very beginning of the mother and young child, it is a matter of great sadness that his mother has become his priority over his wife. There should have been a sign growing up that the son was overly dependent on the mother. When such is accepted, it affects the relationship of the son that was seen as being too precious by the mom. Then there are the boys who forget their mother totally and give their wives full respect. Two extremes you may say. Well, to me finally, the home belongs to the wife first and foremost. So mom should just chill off.
Blessings always come from the heart for these people. Thank you so much again, Beecee, for your good article.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this article, Boniface. We wish you the best.
You’ve certainly addressed a very key issue in marital circles of today’s world. There are wives that find themselves in the situation of a mama’s boy for a husband.
I agree with you that it does not grow overnight. At courtship, a lady can note it- but love, they say is blind and many think they’ll either change him along the way, or they completely ignore it until it becomes a problem once the marriage life begins.
I like your biblical counsel and also a very unique approach that you’ve mentioned- that a wife must learn how to warm up to her mum-in-law’s heart to reassure her that her son is in good hands- that is profound!
Hello hin, Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Beecee’s article. Wish you the very best.
I really enjoyed the article, Beecee. I actually started reading from curiosity. I certainly respect your opinion. Your thinking is completely in line with my thinking. Even though you are a girl and I am a boy. I love my mother very much, as well as my wife. They help me a lot and advise me on anything. So I am very happy in my life. Hopefully many will benefit from reading your article. We would like to receive more informative articles from you in the future as well too.
thank you very much.
Hello Romero, thanks for sharing your insights on Beecee’s article. We like your take on this. Have a great day.
OK, so I’m not a ‘Mama’s Boy’ or a suffering wife. Yet, I couldn’t help but come and have a look at this phenomena. I wasn’t actually aware that this still existed. I can imagine it was more prevalent half a century ago or more, due to most couples having to live with parents until they could afford their own place. In those circumstances, I can see how this would develop, There can be only one dominant female in a house and that would be the one who owns it.
I like the idea of ‘be-friending’ the mother. That would be my ideal solution. That way, if you have the ability, you can manipulate. Not in a bad way though. The odd suggestion, here and there, to the mother. The chances are that she will take those ideas and make them her own. That way, you get an indirect measure of control.
If the situation is chronic, then one would have to look at the possibilty that this one is not meant to be. Hard choices but maybe worth it in the long run.
Hello Millat, feel free to share the site to your friends. Just link to the source of what you choose to share. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this article. Have a great day.
Hi Beecee, Marriage is a social bond. And we are bound by the promise of marriage to be very close to each other. After marriage, my wife will respect my mother as her own mother, and my mother will love her as her own daughter. Then the happiness of the family will be at peace. I should love both my mother and my wife equally. It is very important for them to give me their opinions and wishes of both of them so that the happiness of the family will be maintained. I would never have my wife to be mistreated by my mother.
After reading your article I am very pleased to receive this valuable information. Would you mind if I share your website on my social media so that my social media friends can benefit from receiving valuable information from your website smartcouples.net?
Thanks Nate for the contribution. Have a great day.
Hello Beecee, In the past I have known women who were with mama’s boys, and some of the relationships didn’t go very far because they found it too tiring to compete (That’s how I would describe it) with their partners’ mothers.
I can’t believe you’ve witnessed wives being sent to live with their mothers-in-law lol. In my opinion, that’s a bit extreme and would be a major sign that the wife should think about whether or not it’s worth continuing to put in the work into the marriage. Article’s worth reading, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the contribution, Para. Have a great day.
Like you out rightly said, a mama’s boy would have demonstrated it before the marriage, in action and words, you must have noticed him during courtship directing everything to his mother. At that point you should be prepared to either accept it or leave it. If you will accept it, then be prepared to have his mother control your home
Thanks Michel for the comment. I agree, it could frustrating and irritating to the wives who go through such. As regards your question, I think that Beecee made the point clear in suggesting just what you asked. The wife can talk to the mother inlaw assuring her that she would not lose her son, that he is in safe hands as his wife. I believe that I read something along this line. Take another look at it and if any doubt pops up, please reach out again for specific clarification. Thanks again for the contribution.
Great article, and it is amazing just how many mamma’s boys there are out there. I often see men comparing their wives’ cooking to that of their mothers, and I think this must be very irritating for the wives of these men.
It is also frustrating to always feel second best and can cause a strain on the mother-daughter in-law relationship too.
Do you think it would maybe be a good idea for the wife to perhaps approach her mother in law to chat things out or would this make the situation worse?
Hello Koz, we read your comment and love fact that you expressed your personal opinion on the article. However, it wouldn’t hurt to reread the article in its entirety, you know. Thank you for taking the time to read.
They often get married late. A man over 30 years of age who has never been married is not necessarily a motherly sin, but the combination of this factor with other signs must alert the woman. Sometimes these men marry their mother out of spite. However, views for such a marriage are minimal. Mom sooner or later “opens his eyes” to his precious child and explains that his wife is completely unworthy of such a treasure that he cares badly for him and doesn’t really love her. Mom’s job! She gave her best to the boy who was happy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this article. We wish you the very best.
Thanks Travis for your contribution to the subject at hand. Have a great day.
Sounds like that would be very frustrating for you ladies. Would good advice not be to sit your husband down and tell him that while you respect his mother, she is not a part of the team that is running your household? I know that my mother tried her best in my first serious relationship to be a part of it and give me advice, but at the end of the day it caused many more problems than it solved! As I have gotten older I realized it was wrong to have her so involved in our relationship. So to all the guys out there, trust me, respect your mother, but your wife is your teammate now, run things by your wife only and make any and all final decisions with her!
O WOW!!! I wished that I had read some of your articles when I was in my first marriage. Yeah, my first husband was DEFINITELY a mama’s boy!! Great website!!!
Thanks so much Benny for your kind observation. We are one among many others. Thanks for your honesty and in particular for the contribution you made on Beecee’s article. We love and appreciate you. God bless you.
hello, I like your Vision, and enjoy what you do. It is a great and nice feeling to know that someone will create a great website like this and also create so many articles which are products of true-life experiences with couples. I really feel blessed visiting your site, Smartcouples.net. The man of God is a man with a vision. Thank you so much for being true to this vision. I must say out of the sea of information for couples out on the net, only a few come close to speaking the truth about relationships and you are among those few sites which you will visit and never regret you did. Even the things that some of us shy away from in the guise of Christianity or religion, you handled them like a pro in God’s service. Anyway..that was by the side..
To the article that Beecee wrote, it is true that some mom and son relationship isn’t appropriate. The content on an article like this is quite needed for our generation because a lot of couples suffer from this, I mean a lot of wives in particular. I look at it on two fronts. One is the angle where women are fighting women. Because a wife is a woman and the mother in law is a woman. Women should support each other irrespective of the situation. A mother should not give a bad advice or mistreat the wife of her son, if she does, she is mistreating another woman.
Secondly, the act is against God’s word as a man and woman shall leave the parents to form their own nuclear family. The new family must be independent of the parents, yet maintain parental love and care. That’s my take Beecee. We actually need guidance once in a while but some people take it to the extreme. The mother’s boy relationship at the expense of the nuclear one must be discouraged. Thank you for this article. It is helpful and worth my time.
Hello Shanta, your story was a beautiful one indeed. Thank you for sharing it with us. God bless you.
Many thanks to you, Beecee, for sharing such an excellent article with us. I love my mother very much. I saw after my marriage that my mother gave me a lot of courage to get to know the new world and make my own decisions. When I left my mother after my marriage, I had a lot of trouble, but I am so proud of my Husband and my Husband’s mother because this new mother also gave me many right directions to make my own decisions and learn new details. Nothing can be compared to a good mother, and it never can.
My mother in law has always given me many suggestions and I have been successful today in my new life with these suggestions from my husband’s mother. Yes, I ask for advice from my husbands mother just as I asked for advice from my mother, and my husband has always been supportive and given me courage from time to time. And I am very happy in my married life as well as I want to say that I love my mother very much and I also love my Husband’s mother very much now and I am very grateful to them. The mama’s boy experience wasn’t really my own.
Lastly, I hope your articles will help everyone to understand each other and also that mother in laws may not have bad intentions when trying to advise their daughter in laws. This is my take, Beecee, to your article. It was heartily written.
Hi Nim, thanks for sharing your take on Beecee’s article. You really must be proud of your mother. Have a great weekend, Nim.
Wow. You really got me with this article. Now I’m talking to you from a man’s point of view.
I love my mother and I want to say that it was very difficult when I had to leave home. To handle myself in a big and unknown world was just as difficult but I can thank my mother for that. She let me make my own decisions and just do what I want. I admit, I asked for advice and she always gave them to me.
My wife is very proud of me, and I can say that from our family, even if I am right, my mother gives my wife justice every time. There is no such problem with the “mother’s boy” and this makes our marriage happier. Thank you mom!