Relationship And Counseling – How To Consolidate A New Relationship After Transition
In this article, “How To Consolidate A New Relationship After Transition,” we are going to talk about the ways partners of a broken relationship can move on with a new relationship protecting themselves from the influences of their past relationships. It’s a continuation of a series entitled “How To Transition From Your Ex-Partner To Your Current Partner” which we started a few weeks ago to help couples live life again, having learnt from their past.
That being said, the first thing to do to consolidate a new relationship after a transition is :
1. Adapt To The Newness Of The New Partner And Grow With It
Now that you are in a new relationship, you have someone else other than the one you used to know. The person with whom you are in a new relationship might not be, and in fact, is not exactly like the person you just left. And the differences between both might be startling conspicuous. Even with the common things that you think everyone is or knows might not be known by the new partner. The way you think the current partner might act to resemble the Ex-Partner may not be true. And the things you used to know and expect from the new partner might fail you. What do you do when the new partner is totally or partially different from your Ex? You adapt to the newness of the new partner and grow with it.
Adapting to the newness of the new partner is pivotal for the formation and duration of a new relationship. There’s that resistance to change which is common with humans and even disturbing when the change comes unexpectedly or after one is used to a system or way of life for a long time. I understand that it doesn’t feel good at all, does it?
But in view of what is at hand, of the reality, of the ‘Now,’ I mean the new relationship, you have got to adapt to make the relationship suitable for both of you. To adapt means change. It means you have to let go of some things that may not work with the new even though it worked with the former relationship. It also means you have to unlearn certain things and re-learn new things all over again.
All relationship isn’t the same. And all people are different from each other, with their eccentricities, understanding, and characters. Your relationship won’t be a happy one, probably, if you want to make the new to look like the old one. Trying to make your new relationship to look like your former relationship is like fixing a problem that really does not exist. You don’t fix a problem that doesn’t exist. Do you?
There’s a difference between the two. And what you should do is to acknowledge the difference and adapt to it. The may be some sacrifices to make, the may be learning to do in order to make things work out. But never try to assume that the new partner is the problem just because you’ve been used to a certain way of life which he or she wasn’t and you think he or she is the one that must be fixed.
You could be the one that needs the fixing and not the new partner. Don’t forget that the old is gone and the new is here. Both of you should adapt to what is good in each other and learn from each other and finally grow with each other. This would make strong your new relationship and put an end to the cravings of the past. This is how to consolidate a new relationship after transition.
2. Do Not Let The Ex-Partner Come Back Once You’ve Started With A New Relationship
If you have healed from a past relationship and you feel you can start a new relationship with a new partner and have entered in the life of someone else, you must shut the door to the former partner into your life. Do not do the “To and fro” type of love, where a partner is in love with the Ex and a new person all at the same time. Shuttling from one partner to another could hurt yourself and break trust with the new partner which isn’t a nice thing to experience.
Once you start a new relationship and want the person to be the love of your life, server all dealings with your Ex and stay committed to the new partner. Tell your Ex unequivocally that you have a new partner and he or she must respect the boundary. You may want to delete some emails, contact addresses or telephone numbers all for the sake of the sanity of the new relationship. This is how to consolidate a new relationship after transition.
And it’s very critical to stress on this point because there are Exes that long to come back and disrupt your life and your new relationship. Some are jealous and are bent for destruction if they see you moving forward with a new partner. You should know which relationship is toxic and abusive to you. And once you have broken up, you should sever any such relationship from repeating.
Some Exes could come back if they have seen their faults, changed and wanna make things right. There’s always a second chance, no doubt. But be very careful because some toxic and abusive relationships could be fatal if given a second chance. You might not live to tell your part of the tale.
In whatever case, Ask yourself, “Why would they want to come back?” Why would you permit it? Why was there ever an Ex if he or she wants to come back? An Ex has made an exit. Coming back without caution is an experience to regret.
3. Create Boundaries And Parameters In Situations That Compel You To Meet Your Ex
While seeing an Ex, especially of a painful relationship, is the last thing one would desire. However, there are certain situations or circumstances that can compel you to meet with your Ex. These situations are as follows
- When you have shared properties, you would want to sit him or her down to discuss the changes, responsibilities or whatever modalities that might come as a result of the breakup.
- When you have children with your Ex-Partner. This makes him or her a parent as well as yourself. If they aren’t abusive to their children and/or the court hasn’t prohibited them from seeing their children, they can see them when they want to. But what do you do to protect your children and relationship? You have to Create Boundaries To Respect whenever the children are exposed to him or her. The boundaries define what the visit is, when it’s done and how. The boundaries protect your new relationship as discussion in that area is a “No No.”
- The social events of children such as marriage, graduation or death. These may call for parents to come together whether divorced or not. But still, parameters must be set and should be respected. If the Ex can’t respect your set boundaries, there isn’t any need for you to want to meet with such an Ex-partner.
Because you do not want to hurt your new partner by the presence of the former. These are the cases that you and your Ex might have to come any closer to work together. Again, beware of the Exes that use such links as traps to take you to bed or bring a nuisance to you. Don’t forget that a comfy new relationship is what you yen for, so never exchange it for anything.
In conclusion concerning relation and counseling, we’ve mentioned certain things to do to strengthen the formation of a new relationship in this article, “How to consolidate a new relationship after transition” which are as follows: 1. Create Boundaries And Parameters In Situations That Compel You To Meet Your Ex 2. Do Not Let The Ex-Partner Come Back Once You’ve Started With A New Relationship. And 3. To Adapt To The Newness Of The New Partner And Grow With It. tell us your suggestions below the comment box and subscribe to our mailing list to keep you updated with our posts.